Monday, May 16, 2005

I'm waiting for the doctor to call me with results...and I'm getting darn impatient!! I'm ready to get back to cardio and marathon training!

Sitting on the fence...I need to turn in my marathon registration by tomorrow. What is holding me back? It isn't that expensive to enter except for the hotel and airline arrangements. I guess I'm just scared about actually performing. I have been doing the training so far except for the past two weeks...I feel like I'll make a fool of myself there. I imagine people thinking "What in the world are you trying this for?" or "You don't belong in this marathon! Better have the medics follow right behind you!" And if you don't get to mile 20 by a certain time, you'll be shuttled to the finish line. I don't want to get stuck on the loser bus! But, I'm also really excited about the prospect of doing it. Also, I've never been to Washington, D.C. and would really like to see the touristy stuff while there. My motivated self and my low esteem self are fighting a major battle. And then again, what if there is something wrong with my heart? That could put a damper on this whole plan.

Finally, I wish I'd never have to deal with men again after this weekend! Got into a huge fight with my stepdad and a tiff with Paul (yes again! Give me strength to make it another 10 days until I see him and then figure out where my head is!) I'm about ready to avoid contact with anyone from the opposite sex for as long as possible!