If happiness makes me gain weight, in some ways I wish I was still a bit depressed! Nah, not really...but the scale has surprised me with a 15 pound gain since the beginning of the year. A few of my new friends are feeling the same pain, so we decided to do something about it. On Tuesday, we walked down to the Y during our lunch break to check it out. Our company offers a discount there and it didn't seem too busy when we went. The coordinator gave us a week pass to try out everything.

So today, Molly and I made the commitment and went there this morning. Arrrgh, it seems like it's been soooo long since I really worked out!! We checked out the elliptical and the weight machines.....hit the hot tub....did quite a few laps.....tried the sauna (blaaaaahhhh, it smelled like roasted feet)....and called it good. After that, we had quite a bit of time before work so we wandered around downtown. We're definitely going to join...having it so close to work and a buddy along makes it a bit easier to commit.

When we went on the tour yesterday, a couple of the girls did something that amazed me. These gals weren't the smallest of the group, but they jumped right on the scale and announced their weights to everybody. I would NEVER feel comfortable doing that! What also amazed me was that they were both within about 10 pounds of my weight....I thought I was quite a bit bigger. Holy shit....I still see myself as a blimp, I guess!

What else is new?? Well, my birthday is on Saturday and what are you going to get me? I could probably use a box of hair color :) The stress of having Paul back around again, figuring out if he's true, and working two jobs (one full time and one about 30 hours a week) has made some strands of "light, light, light, light blonde" pop through again. I truly need to make some time for myself, but it really is difficult. I get off the full time job around nine at night and am ready to drop dead. The nights I don't go straight home, I end up out with the work crew wayyyy too late even though job #1 starts at 7 am!! Paul is starting to believe I'm an alcoholic :) Nah, I'm not quite there yet, but I really am going to watch my intake a bit more closely. I like to remember what happened the next day....and not get reminded by camera phone pictures!!!

Well anyways, that is what is going on right now! I'll be back again with more updates soon!

Wow, I need to get used to writing in this again! I can't believe time has gone by so quickly!

Well, to cover topic #1: I found a new job in January and I love it! It doesn't pay as much as my banking job, but the benefits are excellent. Plus, I have gained a whole slew of new friends. I have gained a bad habit from the change...drinking alcohol :) Every Thursday night, we end up going to this bar and last week I even sang some rotten karaoke with another gal. Since starting the job, I've had many moments of extreme happiness....and I haven't felt that way in forever!! In December, I started a second job that runs only around the holidays....let's just say I'm sick of flowers. I worked there again Valentine's Day....and they keep extending my time there by another week. If it keeps going like this, I'll still be there up to Mother's Day instead of having a break.

Topic #2: I have my own apartment and NO roommate. I moved there in January after spending a hellish month with my family. I've been so busy with working and paying off other stuff that I haven't had the chance to really get much furniture in here. My living room has a TV and a chair, my bedroom has an air mattress....but my kitchen is fully stocked with plates, cooking utencils, and food :)

Topic #3: Guy drama......yeah, after eight months, Paul has popped back into my life. He isn't dead, not that I really believed he was, but he was dead to me. And now, he seems soooo committed to coming here and starting a new life with me. I just don't know what to think yet. I'm taking it day by day. Also, I got a beauuuutiful bouquet of flowers and a box that contained two burned CDs, a couple of books, candy, and some other random things I liked on Valentine's Day. The problem? It wasn't from Paul! There was no card attached...I asked every single person that I knew and nobody has fessed up to it. I'm leaning towards my bud Scott since I had said that I never get anything for V-Day a week or so prior. Plus, the music on the CD was EXACTLY what I like.....and he is probably the only one who could guess that.

Topic #4: Loss....My grandma ended up passing away in early December. She ended up ripping out her own ventilator out and the family chose to just have hospice care measures after that. Yes, I know she's at peace, but I really miss her and wish we could have talked just once more. I didn't even cry at her passing till probably a week later. At the funeral, I ended up reading a poem and singing a song with all her other granddaughters. My mom has had quite an ordeal dealing with her brother about how things with grandma's house should be handled....I think they finally have worked it out now. But then again, I have to be careful when I call because my one sister has a spazz attack whenever I call and she's around. So, with another loss, my relationship with my youngest sister is pretty much kaput until she decides to GROW UP!

Topic #5: Weight loss??? Well, in the past few weeks, my appetite has come back with a vengeance....maybe it is due to being happy again instead of the icky depression funk. Luckily, my kitchen is full of mostly healthy things, so if I really start craving something, I can't screw up too much. My gym membership just expired and I'm not going back there....so I'm deciding where I want to go next. My oldest sister works at Curves so I'm tempted to check it out....but I'm also thinking about going to the gym I had originally wanted to join. I'll have to test them both out and see. I want to join WW again too...I just have to find the perfect time where there is a good leader. I loved the Thursday noonish one, but now I won't be able to do that one anymore with my new schedule....just like I had to drop out of band. But, my big goal in that was to have people to talk to....which I have now anyways!! As soon as I can change my schedule, I will really join the band :)

Oh yeah, and Paul found this page last night...and read just about everything! I was a little peeved, but now he knows how I was feeling and knows that he needs to work on some things in order to keep me happy. Of course, if I want things to work with him this time, I need to stop being an ass too. So, if you went against my wishes and did come back here again (which I'll be able to tell!), Howdy Paul!!!

I am going to try to keep this updated daily again...so don't give up on me!!