Friday, April 29, 2005
Are You Daft, Woman?

First of all, I'll get my WW weigh-in news taken care of....down another 1.2 pounds. Slow and steady losses. I guess I shouldn't complain, but I really want one huge loss week...huge meaning at least 2 pounds. But, with only exercising half the week, I'm glad I lost anything.

So anyways, I have a supervisor at work who is very nice, but a bit artificial. She says the right things, laughs when appropriate, but it just doesn't seem genuine. She has this almost daily ritual of coming by our desk and being more "personal". Earlier this week, she decided to talk about how the weather was so nice and how she would like to do do more walking outdoors. Believe me, I heard the same line at all her other stops. After she rambled about herself, she asked me, "Do you do anything?" Maybe I'm just sensitive, but her tone sounded more...I guess kind of accusatory, like "I bet you don't do a darn thing!" then really wanting to know about my life. My head was screaming, "Are you daft, woman? Where do you get off by forming assumptions?" but I smiled and told her that I usually go to the gym until it gets warmer out. She was visibly shocked and showed real emotion when she said "You do??? So what do you do there?" Ahhh, so she's looking for proof. So, I told her a bit about my regular routine and about the class that I like (FYI--goddamn, it was cancelled again last night and I'm about ready to check out another gym if this keeps happening!) My brain was fuming mad..."And I've lost almost 50 pounds since working here and you haven't noticed anything, you darn skinny minny! Are you satisfied? If you're not, you can suck it!" Believe me, she would be the one to tell me about it because she comments on EVERYTHING. New clothes, occassional red face, new hair...nothing goes past her. *End of Rant*

But, she does do some great things for me. She knows all about how I'm doing good in school and the awards I won, so she's been looking for jobs that she thinks I'd fit into. Wednesday, she showed me one for an accountant and for an operations analyst. Both pay almost double what I am getting now. I am pretty darn sure I'd have to switch to night classes if I even was chosen. I think I'm going to apply just to see what happens...what do I have to lose? I have finally decided that I'm going to finish school here...just a year I might as well do something that I might enjoy more during that time. I haven't let Paul know this yet...he still thinks I'm uprooting this summer. So unless something major happens while I'm up there in May, I'll break it to him then. I feel like a load has been lifted off my shoulders after making this decision. (EDIT: I applied for the operations analyst and staffing specialist position. After reading the descriptions, I think I'd fit great with either one!)

I've been going to the gym everyday since Sunday. Yesterday, I upped my regular walking pace to 4.0 mph...3 miles accomplished in 45 minutes! I can't believe I was crowing about running at 4.2 mph not too long ago. I'm shocked at the improvement! Instead of doing a walking marathon, I just might be running instead! I will have to look at that Couch to 5K program again and see what I accomplish. Getting fit feels so good! If only I could remember that when I procrastinate about getting to the gym :)

Tuesday, April 26, 2005
The Toilet is My Best Friend! computer made me lose my post! Not Blogger's fault this time! Had to make a run to the bathroom and my computer decided to lock up!

So anyways, I'm finally back to my goal of drinking half my weight in ounces of water! It's been a good while since I've accomplished this. I'm feeling a lot more awake today...not any more sleep than usual, so maybe I can attribute it to the guzzling of water. Last week, I bought the WW jug with the oz. listed on the side and the makes drinking so much easier. I had been using my regular jug with no straw and had been struggling to finish it lately. Well, water is not going to be my problem anymore! I had to get up twice last night to visit the loo, once at the gym, twice at work, and once at school. Today, I've already hit it twice while at school. Crazy!

By reading the comments, I see most of my regulars have read Jemima J. So, I'll weigh-in with my opinion. I liked the book but I didn't love it the way I loved Pride and Prejudice or In Her Shoes. I must say, some of my old daydreams about a certain someone followed the storyline almost word for word :) The book was a cute, quick, breezy read and a good diversion from homework overall. I'd love to have my world go magically perfect after weight loss, but I am realistic. Of course, I imagine that I'll get a bit more attention, but I'll still have the same regular issues to deal with! I'll still be trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, my family will still frustrate me, and the distance with Paul will still be there. Maybe more people will want to get to know me without the weight in the way, but I'd always be on my guard since I seemed pretty invisible to them before. I haven't been close to goal for years, so I truly have no idea what effect the change will have!

Sarah--Wow, you're right! I rarely do mention Paul here. I guess after all this time, he's no longer what my world revolves around. He used to pervade most of my thoughts...if I was blogging then, you wouldn't have wanted to read most of my posts! I've decided recently that I'm going to just go with the flow. Worrying about where we're heading and trying to control the future just isn't a good way to waste my time. Sing it with me---"Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be." Since adopting this attitude, my life has went a lot better. I'm less stressed, get more sleep, accomplish more at work, excel at school, and I'm no longer on a weight-loss stall. Yeehaw! Being alone isn't as awful as it used to be. If we work things out, great! If not, the sky isn't going to fall and I'll be fine.

Girl from Florida--In my lifetime, I've gained and lost 7548390547509 pounds, haven't we all? I started making small steps towards health almost two years ago when I joined Ediets. I lost about 55 pounds in six months when my gallbladder said, "Jodi, I'm going to make your life too miserable!" After getting that removed, I got lazy and a ton slowly slipped back on. Last September, I joined WW and was doing well...and then my grandpa passed away, I did some mindless eating, and quit going. So right now, I'm at 43 pounds gone...almost to where I was two years ago! I really believe that it is going to work this time. I'm successfully dealing with stressful food situations, committing to exercise, eating healthy, and of course, drinking my water. If I'm going to get to my goal, I have to really work at it...there may be bumps in the road, but I'm not going to give up.

Geez, since I'm getting all personal, I'll comment on the other comments in the last post.

Jenniy--Thanks for all your support!! I think you were one of my first commenters, and I appreciate it! All your new house details make me want to find my own dream home soon :) I'll just live vicariously through you for the time being.

Zara--LOL! Nope, no treadmill accident last night :) I can't wait until I get down to where you are right now. Reading your blog gives me a lot of insight on how to deal with situations when I'm a bit closer to goal. You're inspiring!

Marta--Ooh you slipped in there :) Girl, you're always so positive and encouraging, just like a close friend would be! The remembering to journal is tough, but I'm trying to. I still haven't figured out planning meals yet either and may never get there...I just don't have the brain power to think ahead :)

I better hurry up and end this long-winded entry before my battery dies! I need to run to the bathroom yet again, too! Extra exercise!! Ha!

Sunday, April 24, 2005
Kicking 195 Pounds to the Curb

I almost did it. I was this close to it. What did I almost do? I just about kicked Paul out of my life forever. Why? Sick of the distance frustration, sick of things at a standstill, just sick of feeling like I've wasted five years of my life. Did he do anything to make me feel this way? Well, it's more about what hasn't happened and how my feelings are changing. I need more from him...I don't know how I can get it. But, he understands me more than anyone...he knows what I'm thinking before I do quite a bit. I want him to be dying to be with me, anxious to talk to me...just more passion like the old days. Maybe I'm asking for too much and being a bit selfish. He has a busy life and a new promotion to deal with. Then again, I've got a load on my plate too! I just want a little more effort on his part :( Well anyways, I just couldn't actually say goodbye. There is too much I'm giving myself until June to figure out my head. If I feel the same after my big NYC trip that includes three days alone with him, I'm going to have to suck it up and end it. I've changed so much in the past couple of years after focusing on my fitness: maybe he just doesn't fit anymore...kind of like my size 24 jeans...

In fitness news...I'm down 1.2 pounds for the week! All that food journalling has helped me quite a bit. I used to be a fanatic about it before I got cocky and didn't think I needed to anymore. But, I haven't been to the gym since my splurge at Target. Why not? Well, I could use every excuse in the book, but I'd just be lying to myself in order to feel better. I've been a little nerdy actually this week and have been catching up with reading and movies. I spent one night reading Jemima J, flipped through magazines, and even watched some videos. After spending many times laughing at those who get so emotional watching movies, I finally bawled my eyes out towards the end of The Notebook. If I just wouldn't have looked at James Garner crying, I think I would have been fine! And of course, I wasn't alone while watching it, so my sister will probably torment me for a few years about my outburst. But, I will be dragging my sorry arse to the gym next...must work off the days of letting my arse expand on the couch :) If I don't post tomorrow, assume that I'm recovering from a brain injury after a horrible treadmill tripping incident!

Thursday, April 21, 2005
Target is on Fire!!

Tonight, I ended up spending up a bit too much money at Target! I should know so much better than to go in there. My plan was to go in there in buy a cute pair of pink exercise pants that I've been eyeing for weeks and a bottle of the Jergens lotion/tanner that Kristi reminded me about and Jenniy originally recommended. (Unfortunately the second item was completely sold out. I'll have to hunt for it at another store.) Oh noooooo, I couldn't stop with just one purchase! I found a cute pair of greenish pants, a navy blue pair that was half price, a shirt to match the greenish pants, pajamas (I have a pajama addiction, seriously!), Special K cereal bars, and soup. Right after I stopped drooling over the mini iPods on sale (I luckily had the brains to talk myself out of that purchase) and wandered over to the music section, something a bit odd happened.

If you'll take a look at the first picture above, you'll see a bunch of people just standing around in the parking lot. Yes, I am lame and lack something because I take pictures while shopping :) These two pictures tell the story. I was checking out the new Rob Thomas CD and the fire alarm went off. All of us shoppers were a bit was a bit gloomy outside...was this a tornado warning? Are we supposed to take cover? Is it a fire?...I don't see any smoke! The workers were a bit befuddled as well. Soon, one of the managers started rushing down the aisle shouting, "Please move to the front of the store!" And then another one ran by exclaiming "Please leave the store immmediately!" So, we had to leave our merchandise and get out. Because I have no life, I along with most of the others chilled outside until we were given the clear to go back in. The fire truck came by and made sure everything was fine. It must have been a false alarm. Well, after I went back in, I spotted a magazine, picked up the Rob Thomas CD, plus a couple other things I thought I needed at the time. Luckily, I didn't spend over $100 :)

Also, why are the maternity clothes at Target so much cuter than some of the clothes that I must choose from? I found this CUTE hot pink swim tankini in my size. I look a bit closer and realize it was a maternity suit! Since I was in the area already, I checked out the other maternity offerings...there was an awesome skirt I'd kill for too! I'm still debating about trying it on and seeing how it fits.

Isn't my life exciting? Ha!

Anyways, before I leave you, check out my new link in the groupies section! Kat has done some revamping and the FIT Portal moved. If you're listed there, get yourself moved over! She also has a new fitness blog. Check it out!

Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Showing Some Skin!!

Gosh, time is just flying by this month! I've been busy most of the time at work, had a few visitors, and have been swamped with homework since the last break. I know, homework is nothing new here. Plus, the weather has been gorgeous so I've spent a lot more time outdoors. I even have broke out into my capris and t-shirts without a jacket! It's still nowhere near close enough to give my pasty skin a glow yet. I have a feeling I'll be buying some fake tanner before my next vacation.

I have been doing pretty well this week foodwise. After finally getting my grocery shopping taken care of, I have been eating at home except for today when I hit Subway. And yes, I ate the healthy turkey breast instead of the chicken bacon ranch sub. I have fruits and veggies all set to go in the fridge when I get cravings and food that I actually have to prepare instead of nuke in the microwave. I think the preparation makes me think about what I'm putting in my mouth more...I've definitely been eating slower and savoring more of it. I've also kept up with journalling everything!! The WW etools were a good investment for me, I guess. Exercisewise...well I've been doing a ton of walking, but haven't hit the gym since Thursday. Tomorrow, I will get there! I also finally did the fitness test with Maya...of course, she recommended to focus on weight loss first, but I was pretty impressed with some of the results. I did discover I still have squat for upper body strength since the pushups about killed me. I am a crunching and squatting queen though!

Finally, I've put a link to my WalkAmerica donation page over to the sidebar. If you'd like to donate, go for it! Also, it gives me a visual reminder about who I still need to bug to help me (aka the parental units and coworkers!) :)

Friday, April 15, 2005
Walking for a Good Cause!

I just got an email from my work earlier today about the March of Dimes WalkAmerica. I figured I'd just make a donation from myself since I am late in the game in fundraising and had just asked everybody for money for the Big Brothers/Big Sisters Bowl for Kids Sake earlier in the month. But, I decided I'd throw this idea out there.

If anyone would like to help support a good cause, please click this link: Jodi's March of Dimes WalkAmerica Page. Thanks in advance for your consideration! I'll be participating in the walk on April 30th and it should be fun!

My Shortest Post Ever

All that shopping yesterday must have paid off...down 1.3 from yesterday!! So, down 0.3 for the FatOff Weigh in :)

Measurements for the Belly Buster challenge tomorrow...more interested in those!

Thursday, April 14, 2005
Procrastination is My Middle Name

I am SO glad I went to my WW meeting today. I was up one pound (better than up three as I was Tuesday). Jodi, our leader (not me talking in the first person), is so awesome! Today she talked about taxes and money as an analogy to weight loss. Also, she brought up procrastination (Yes, I'm good at this!) and how we might be procrastinating our weight loss as well. We make these goals for ourselves, and then we put off doing the things we need to in order to make it until the last minute.

Something she said that I had to write down (whoa, taking notes at WW meetings now?) was:

For a good return on your Weight Loss Investment, you need MODERATION, VARIETY, and BALANCE.

Right now, I need to work on my variety. I get in a rut of eating the same things, doing the same workouts, etc. and then I derail my progress by a lovely binge of something I haven't had in awhile or slacking on the exercise. I haven't hit the exercise rut yet, but I'm definitely at the food rut. My leader challenged me to try the Core plan for the'll force myself to try more planning and filling myself with the right things, not just staying under points. She pumped me up so much that I bought a couple of cookbooks and am planning out a new shopping list that has a lot more items that don't include frozen meals. I haven't been watching my moderation as well as I could be either: using fast food for too many meals, guesstimating where I am pointwise instead of actually writing it down more than I should. So, I ordered the e-Tools on the WW website. I've been doing very well the past couple of days by entering in everything that comes into my mouth. I'll let you know how these changes go.

Also, I bought a few items using my tax return money. One is another pair of running shoes (ON SALE!!) and the other is Yourself! Fitness. I've been checking out Maya ever since before Christmas...looked for the computer version in Best Buy earlier in the year (they only had the XBox version and I was not going to purchase that too!), and didn't have my card whenever I thought about ordering it online. I took a chance and checked out the store was there!! The most embarrassing part was actually paying for it. The cashier was a young teenage punk and he said, "Oh, this looks like a fun game! What does it do?" in that dang tone that annoys me. It had the undertones of "Geez, you're hopeless already...why do you even bother trying?" Well, I told him about it as sweetly as I could and got out of there as quickly as possible. I'll show him...I'll show everybody who doubts me! I've lost 45 pounds on my own and I'll continue till I get to my goal, damnit! It sucks to be so heavy that losing a nice bit of weight is only noticed by a few observant people. Well, I hope more will notice by the end of the summer...I just need to keep at it.

Whoa, sorry about that rant! I also preordered Tales from the Scale (with excerpts written by some of my favorite bloggers) and I'm Not the New Me written by Wendy. I've read an excerpt of her new book through a book review and I'm anxious to read more :)

Finally, another thing that we talked about at WW today was learning to love ourselves. And you know what? I do love me more than ever :) I'm happy about my fitness accomplishments, I love how my brain works, and I even go to the mall and other stores on my own now! Yes, I still have bouts of social anxiety, but I'm no longer feeling that everybody is staring at me and making judgements much. And if they are making judgements, it no longer bothers me. I don't need their acceptance or company!! They're just missing out on getting to know the wonderful girl known as Jodi! Too bad for them :)

Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Long Time, No See

Ok, maybe it hasn't been that long since I've posted, but it feels like it to me! Again, I've been swamped with work and school. I should have been studying for yet another accounting test when I got home, but I got swept up in reading another gal's blog archives. I discovered some interesting similarities...gosh, I no longer feel alone in some of my experiences! I won't name the blog, but all I can say is thanks for being so willing to share such details. I'm not so open (you might be thinking, "What? There is more that Jodi hasn't said here?" And I say, "Hell yeah!" That's the way it will stay for now.

So anyways, I found out today that I am only able to compete in one event at nationals in June. How in the world am I going to decide what I want to do? I'm not in love with marketing, I don't desire to do another huge computer project even though I just learned the quick way to complete the part that stumped me...I would love to do accounting. I think I could kick ass since I'll have completely finished my second semester in May. I'm going to have to find out tomorrow if the guy who beat me in that area is going to compete in this one. He won in two or three areas as well...and the 2nd place finisher gets asked to go if the 1st place person decides not to enter or can't due to the one event rule. Plus, the test is given later in the day for that particular event :)

So how's the diet going, Jods? Well, there are three pounds that found me after my weigh-in for the Fat Off on Friday...they had appeared a couple days before the weigh-in too. The TTOM is gone again, I've been eating ok, exercising has been back on track...I'm just going to have stop weighing myself daily because it is so frustrating!! My fitness has never been better though (not since high school at least!). I did another 3.75 miles alternating running and walking again yesterday plus another 1.5 miles later on that day on the elliptical. My squatting and crunch completion is improving, and my measuring tape is showing a smaller number. Woohoo for that!

Finally, I'm feeling a bit rich after finally getting my tax refund :) Oh, I so have the urge to splurge it all. But, I'm being responsible and paying my tuition bill and putting the rest of it in savings. Plus, I'll be getting my tuition reimbursement soon...I can buy a new toy with that money (maybe an iPod so I can listen to my own tunes while working out finally?) I'll just have to keep myself away from the stores for a bit longer!!

OK, no more accounting book is hounding me for some attention!

Friday, April 08, 2005
Could I Play Better Blindfolded?

I just got back from bowling and I smell NASTY! Remind me again why people like to smoke because I sure can't think of one reason! Our business group from school did a charity bowling event for Big Brothers/Big Sisters and I had a LOT of fun. Rachel, her boyfriend, and a HOT friend of her boyfriend were on the team with me. There was another guy that was supposed to be there, but he didn't show up.

I SUCK at bowling...definitely am not one with the ball. Although, my very first attempt tonight was a strike!! I ended up with getting to 100 once out of three games. I should have granny bowled :) Rachel and her bf sucked royally too...the only one that could hit strikes or spares constantly was Jay. He had his own little bowling cloth and some green thing he squeezed that was supposed to make his hands sticky....or maybe it was to make them unsticky. Who knows?? We decided to throw him off his game by tugging at his cloth and throwing pizza crusts at the middle of the second round, we had got into his head and he couldn't bowl for shizznit :)

So anyways, this has been a busy week! I've had so much homework and studying to do that I only have hit the gym twice. I even went without sleep for over 24 hours on Tuesday/Wednesday finishing up a huge computer project. And to compound troublesome matters, my TOTM decided to rear it's ugly head yet again. This time, the bloat is visiting too...arrrgh!! Two days ago, the scale was showing me up it's showing me down 0.5 lbs. I'll take the loss, no matter how small. I plan on hitting WW tomorrow before the MS Walk since I couldn't go Thursday due to a make-up exam for one I missed on Monday.

Added my challenge links to the side finally...there are some major losers in the Great Blogger Fat Off so far....someone lost 8 pounds in a week! Geez! My goal I want to focus on this week is planning my meals in advance so I don't end up hitting the fast food joints so often!

And thanks everybody for the good words about the conference and goals :) I appreciate hearing from all of you even if I haven't replied personally. Now, if work will let me off in June, life would be great.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Beer Didn't Destroy My Brain Cells!

I am finally back from the boooooring capital of Pierre, South Dakota. Did you miss me? A group I'm involved in at school went to a state spring conference/competition. There were some good speakers, too many darn tests, and an AWESOME Casino Night. If I was president of the organization, I would have planned the lag time between events a bit better though! Spending two days there felt like I had wasted four!

So, as I was saying, this conference was mainly for state competition to go to nationals. On my birthday, I had to get to school early to take a two-hour test for computer applications. We had five huge tasks to complete using spreadsheets, databases, mail merges, Powerpoint presentation, etc. Well, I believed I blew it since I only finished about 60% in the alloted time. At the conference, I had to take another written test in that field, one in accounting principles, and one in marketing. So basically, I had to prove my knowledge by filling in the bubbles for those. Each test was an hour long and had 90-99 questions. The person who placed first throughout all the schools in the state competing got money plus would go to the national conference at Disney World in June.

Well, I took my first two tests in accounting and computer applications on Sunday. The computer application term test wasn't too bad but there were a few terms I didn't know. Time was called before I had finished the last 9 questions in accounting. Damn! Even with those missed, I felt pretty confident about the questions I did answer. That night, we had a little casino event with fake money. Now since this was a school event, we had thought we weren't going to be able to drink. Well, we were wrong!!! People started coming in with alcohol from the bar, and playing poker and blackjack is so much better with a little drink! I was going to abstain, but I really needed to let loose. The bar closed at midnight, and some people I was with decided to hunt down somewhere else to buy more. We found one gas station that would sell some to us...I guess there is an ordinance about selling alcohol after a certain time on Sunday...the other spots said midnight, but this guy said he could until 2 AM. I'm not sure if he bent any rules by doing that or not. If so, I won't tell!!! Well, we ended up staying up until 3:30 and I was set to take my marketing test at 8 AM!! My usual rule is not to go to a test while still drunk...I broke that one this time :)

OK, so anyways, I took the test and we had an awards program on Monday afternoon. Accounting was my first event announced...they called the top three up in no particular order. I was called up!!! Another guy from my school with a semester more of accounting in him was also in the running. Well, I ended up in 2nd place for that one...I got a lovely plaque at least! I figured that would be the event that I could win since I blew the major part of the computer one and a TON of people with 3 or 4 years of marketing classes had taken the other one. I resigned myself to clapping for the winners in those categories.

Well, Computer Applications was my next event (going in alphabetical order). Imagine my surprise when my name was called!!! Not only that, but I got 1st place! So, that cements me going to Florida and took the pressure off marketing. I got a lovely plaque and $100 :)

Then, Marketing was called. As I said earlier, I was recovering from drinking and lack of sleep. I sped through those questions and didn't pay that much attention. Well, I was called up for that one too!!! I was shocked when they announced I got 1st place for that too!!! Woohoo!!! I beat juniors and seniors!! Not bad for someone who loves healthcare more than business and has only one semester of business classes completed.

So, now I have even more incentive to keep working out...I need to look great in a swimsuit (well, better than I do now, at least) for when I go! Other than my night of drinking, I handled food and exercise well. I'm really ready to hit the gym tonight :) Time to head to class, so I'll post more later!

Friday, April 01, 2005
I Made Goal!!

April Fools :) But dang, that would be wonderful if it was true. However, I did lose 2.4 pounds this week! Woohoo!! Despite the Easter candy on Sunday and the bad meal choices on Wednesday, I'm back on a good losing streak again. I believe this battle was won by my time in the gym. And this week, I can do better with the food tracking. Challenging myself is working out great so far!

I've finally found a suit for my conference this week...another size smaller than I expected to purchase. I looked just about everywhere to find one!! It ate a bigger chunk of my paycheck than I wanted, but I hopefully will get some good use out of it. I have a hard time imagining myself wearing a suit every day at work. I've been spoiled by not having to see customers daily. Getting to wear blue jeans whenever I want is great!!! Now I just have to find some shoes to go along with the outfit.

I did another five miles on the treadmill today, alternating walking and running. Librarian on the Loose brought up a subject I didn't approach. I never had tried to run on the treadmill before because I was worried I'd fall on my face!!! It has happened before...once because I was a klutz years ago and another when a evil friend of mine thought it would be funny to play with my buttons. I still have to fight the feeling of fearing I'll trip almost every time I'm on it :)

I'll be leaving early Sunday morning for the business conference, so if I don't get to pop in again before then, have a great weekend!