At my door the leaves are falling the cold wild wind will come
Sweethearts walk by together and I still miss someone
I go out on a party and look for a little fun
But I find a darkened corner cause I still miss someone---Johnny Cash

Gosh, it just takes one event for me to put away my issues for a bit. As I've written before, my grandma has had a hell of a year. On Thursday, the doctor said she was good to go back to the home and she was released from the hospital. Well, at 5 am, she was getting ready to go back by ambulance. My parents beat her to the hospital because it took awhile to get her stable enough to move. She wasn't responding, couldn't breathe, was coughing up crap, the list goes on. So, she definitely has pneumonia and her right lung was filled with a bunch of thick icky crap....so bad that they did a bronchotomy (sp?) to get it out. She was placed on a ventilator before she got to the ER and when I got there, they said that was the only thing keeping her alive at the time. She was severely dehydrated (again...I don't think she was fully recovered before they sent her home, actually) too. Her blood pressure dropped down to the 40s/50s and medicine was given to keep it up. My mom, aunt, and uncle made the hard decision to do no extra measures if her heart stops. In the critical care unit, I got to hold her hand (which she squeezed back) and she opened her eyes for a bit...she slept most of the time because the doctor has her sedated so she doesn't rip out one of the many tubes connected to her right now like the central line that is giving her fluids. These next 24 hours are pretty critical. I don't want her in any excessive pain, but it's going to be hard to let go too...my favorite grandpa and now possibly grandma gone in less than a year? So, right now, we're just waiting to see if she makes it through the night.

On the plus side, I finally have visually noticed my weight loss. My aunt brought over some pictures from the 4th of July and the whole family could really tell. I think I must have some problem with my eyesight, because I NEVER thought I looked that huge. Gosh, I hate pictures, but now I'll have some lovely before/during stage pictures to share eventually :)

But, in the meantime, just send some good vibes if you can spare them to my grandma and the family.