I can't sleep. Paul is due to arrive in less than 24 hours, and I'm so nervous. It's been soooo long since we've been together, and I just want everything to go right. I want us to figure out where in the world we are headed, and OK I admit it, I need to get laid :) All these thoughts keep running through my head..."What if the plane crashes?" "What if he oversleeps and misses the plane?" "What if he doesn't recognize me anymore?" "What if I'm not as good as I used to be?" "Will this be the time he finally proposes?" "Am I ready to be hitched?" My stomach is doing flipflops. I just need to relax and focus on things that I can control...it is soooo hard!!

In other news, I was contacted at work today about the position I applied for about a month ago. This would be a dream job and right in the area I would like to be in instead of tethered to the phone. The recruiter told me there were a bunch of applications for the position, and I've made it to the second round. I would be helping at job fairs, interviewing employees, and mainly being her right hand. So, I have an interview with her on Friday. If I get this position, the experience will make me a lot more appealing to other employers once I make the big move to NYC.

I just need to fall asleep...maybe I'll have to try counting backwards from 100....it always works under antesthesia!! If only tomorrow would be right now!!

Oh happy day! My dear boyfriend Paul is actually showing up on Thursday! The information is all verifiable and I'm sooooo excited. I'm not excited about having to really clean my room so it's presentable, but I'm sooooo glad he is coming!! I'll have a date for New Year's...woohoo!! So due to my overwhelming joy, I've put off the pictures and other fun until I have everything prepared for him. Dang, this means I'll have to actually shave too. No more hairy leg insulation from the cold. Isn't that a great excuse not to shave? I use it almost every winter :) If you want, send all good thoughts that a ring comes out of this visit...I think five years is a long enough wait.

I am not too busy to go to the gym though! I WILL actually get to my aerobics class TODAY after a month absence. I also WILL be going to my WW meeting. I know I gained a couple this week, but at least it isn't the 6 pound average gain over the holidays. I'm getting back on the ball today!! Wish me luck.

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it!! Yesterday, I helped my stepdad finish all his last minute shopping before work. We had to go to Lane Bryant to pick up a few things and I ended up purchasing two bags of gifts to myself. They had an awesome sale....$50 sweaters down to $10, jeans for $20, etc. I hate being inbetween sizes with the weight loss because it makes it so hard to purchase clothes. My normal size of pants are baggy but the next size is a bit tight in areas...at least I can tell there has been a change :)

I spent way too much time last night finishing wrapping presents for my family...not only my gifts to people, but also my stepdad's and sisters since they didn't seem to inherit the wrapping gene. My mother went overboard, so I helped wrapping even more this morning. After everybody else in the house finally decided to get out of bed, we had the gift opening extravaganza :) I think this may be a first for me...I actually LIKED EVERY SINGLE PRESENT I RECEIVED!!! I got a new DVD player, clothes, books, stuff from Victoria's Secret and Bath and Body Works, a couple movies, and CDs.

Later on, we went to my grandparents house. I had a good time, but seeing my younger cousin with her husband, another younger cousin with his fiancee and two kids, and hearing about the plans of another with her boyfriend made me feel a bit melancholy. I really wished Paul would have been there with me. As I've said before, I'm so ready to be one of the married folk, have a kid, a job I love, etc. My immediate family knows all about Paul, but nobody else really does. I just don't think they would understand the long-distance crud...if I bring him up, they'd ask all about him, pictures, how we met, etc., and I just don't have a lot of good answers. Luckily, his mom is finally turning around in the hospital, and should be getting out of the hospital this week. So, hopefully we'll be together by New Year's!!

My lovely pictures and other info will be finished for tomorrow...I could NOT find my cord for my digital camera and I bet it's at home :( Wait patiently for tomorrow!!

Christmas Eve morning...I only have one present left to buy, but my mom just gave me a list of what she still needs to purchase. She is stuck working until stores close today, and I'm doing the "good daughter" thing. She has been in such a mood lately with her MS and the stepfather being such an ass, so maybe this task will give her something not to complain about! We were going to finish shopping yesterday after I took her to the doctor, but we got sidetracked after I locked my key to the door in the car!! Here's how it happened....

1. A couple of days ago, I had to scrape my windows (not a big deal.)
2. I wanted to let my car warm up, so I took my outside lock key off my chain just in case my doors decided to auto lock. That way, I could unlock my door and get inside! See, I learned after having to call a locksmith four times last year!! (I found out that my model of car is very prone to having my doors automatically lock in cold weather...reason #57438950374 to get rid of the damn thing.)
3. I forgot to put the key back on the chain later on and thought I put it in my pocket that morning. I left it inside accidentally along with my phone and badge to get into work.
4. Silly me did not actually bring one of the spare keys made along with me...they were all at my house!

So, we called my sister to go pick us up at the hospital (it took her an hour for her to get there since she thinks she has to primp.) By that time, we were ready for a late lunch....and then I only had 30 minutes before I had to be at work. My mother didn't get much shopping taken care of last night, so I have to go through those evil crowds to finish it up. Did I mention that I hate people???

Paul is still not here. Do I think he'll make it? Nope. Does he say he will? Yep. His mom was diagnosed with cancer about 8 months or so ago....his grandma died from the same type about 2 years ago now...and when she was brought into the hospital last week, they found out it had spread to her lungs. She is doing horribly, and is feeling like his grandmother did right before she died...so of course, he has some guilty feelings about leaving. Please, don't let her die now! I understand he needs to be there, but gosh, am I bad for having selfish thoughts? I haven't been able to see him in forever, and I really would like him to finally meet my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. Then, I'll never have to be bugged about my love life again :) I have been really understanding, but I'm sooooo frustrated right now in more ways than one. I need some hugs and kisses and touching and....well, you get the idea. Santa, could you please wave a magic wand to cure my future MIL and get Paul here NOW???? Oh, I'd be so grateful.

Look at my temp over at right side panel. It is shivermetimbersfreezemyboobsoff COLD!!! As I'm typing, the temp is -5 F and the wind chill is much worse. After my Paul request is taken care of, I'd love if my weather would be more Bermuda-like!! The snow from Tuesday is completely gone...just the cold remains. The wonderful meteorologist says we'll have a heat wave tomorrow with a high of 40. Time to dig out the bikini!

Merry Christmas/Festivus/Winter Solstice/late Hanukkah/(Fill in your Holiday) to all of you! I am giving my blog a gift tomorrow by adding some pictures! Woohoo :) Plus, I'll have another wonderful post that will tell you all more than you ever wanted to know about me.

Well, as of last night, my city isn't so brown anymore. Yep, we got some snow. Usually, we get hit with a huge storm around Halloween. Not this year though!! I was hoping it would stay away a bit longer. With all the wind yesterday, it looked pretty crappy. But today, there isn't much a whole bunch left on the ground.

I still have been putting off the cleaning...even though it sounds like Paul is going to actually make it here by Thursday. Once I have actual verifiable confirmation, I'll get in gear :) I'm still waiting for a merry maid to magically arrive at my door!! On the shopping front, I did get two people wiped off the list...just a couple more to go!! Wish me luck!!

No class today!! This abundance of extra time to do things is almost overwhelming. Last night, I had a plan for what I'd do today. Here is what I set out to do before work:

1. Start on laundry
   
2. Clean my room
3. Hit the stores for more gifts

This is what I've accomplished so far:

1. Sleep till 11 AM
2. Stare at my laundry basket
3. Read my email
   

So, now I'll have to move all of my plans till after work and tomorrow. I only have 2-3 days to accomplish these things left!! Paul is (supposedly) coming on Wednesday night, my only day off before Christmas is tomorrow, and I do not want to be speed cleaning on Wednesday morning. I wish I had a personal maid who would do my chores once or twice a month. That would be perfect!! Did you hear that very loud hint, Santa?? Of course I still want an IPod, but if I could get a maid instead, I could possibly buy my own IPod. I could just leisurely read on the couch while I point out to the maid what I need to be done. If she (or he if he's hot and talented!) would cook healthy and delicious meals too, my life would be almost managable.

Oh my, I must hit the bathtub and get dressed before work, so if anyone wants to apply to be my personal maid, I'm taking applications NOW!!

FINALS ARE OVER!!! Woohoo, time to hit the booze!! :) I am looking at a 4.0 GPA!! The only class that tried to do me in was my Intro to Computers class. I spent all of Tuesday night recomposing the darn paper I wrote in October since the instructor and my lovely computer decided to lose it. So, I turn it in on Wednesday, he flips through the pages (not even reading), looks to see if I have a Works Cited, he says "Wow, lots of sources", and gives me full credit. WTF? I slaved over that thing and HE DOESN'T EVEN READ IT. I could have wrote pages on how he is a tool and he f**** cows and any other profanity to fill and he would not have even noticed!! I cry over my lack of sleep for that night. Ended up with a 91 in that class, a 113.5% (she triple checked that it was right and was due to the extra credit for the day we played Hangman when not many showed up) in Business, a 95% in Psychology, and high 90s for Accounting and Marketing (not sure the exact yet since they weren't finished with my grades yet). So, I guess I still have some intelligence left in the ol' brain...maybe I could really handle going back into the sciences and med school again if I wanted. We'll see how I feel after next semester.

So, I haven't done a bit of exercise this week, unless I count walking through the malls and dodging crowds, walking through school hallways, and pacing at work. That is going to change today!! Since I have no class at all till January, I'm starting back to the gym today. I miss the elliptical, my treadmill, and my aerobics class. I never thought I could miss exercise, but I do. I am not looking forward to how out of shape I'll be on the lovely elliptical after a few weeks absence. I would love to be under the 50s before this year is over and I'm soooo darn close...and then get to my 10% loss at WW will be the next goal. I know I can do it...I just have to get back to those plans from my post a couple below.

But first, I have to fix my parents computer. My stepdad isn't home, so it's a great time to get over there. He has just been psychotic lately, so I'm going to avoid that craziness for now. Till next time...

Oh yes, looks like I'm a crunchy crustacean...moving up in the world!! I'm feeling like I could belt out some songs with a Jamacian accent right now :)

I'm going to be scarce this week...don't worry my few returning visitors!! I have semester finals this week. My computer instructor already ticked me off today...he lost my folder with all my assignments in it (why he never got around to grading them before is beyond me). Luckily, I have everything saved except one major paper that decided to disappear from my hard drive somehow. So, I'm going to have to figure out another quick masterpiece. FUCK!! Oops, excuse my French. I have two accounting tests (one a make-up exam when I missed with the whole ear problem), one marketing test, one psychology test, the computer final, and a marketing presentation (which is a group one that I'm not satisfied with!) Thank goodness my business intro class is over and done with! For some reason, we still have to go to class on Wednesday though. For what??? Another rousing game of Hangman???

I am making time to get my hair chopped off and getting back to my aerobics class tomorrow. I can't believe I've missed two weeks...ok the scale knows it!! And when did I get my last haircut? Not counting my bang trims, I think it was in May when I got highlights. I could be mistaken for a shaggy dog if I'm not careful with this thick mop on top of my head. If the stylist makes another comment on the thickness, I may just have to kick her :) Well, back to the books!!

Well, it's been about three months since I started WW, so I figure it's a good time to assess how I've done and what I need to change. Then, I'll work on a weekly plan of attack.

Good things:

1. I've lost 13 pounds...woohoo!! This loss is a lot less than I know I'm capable of, but it's a good start considering my effort.
2. I've prepared healthy meals at home more often.
3. I've consciously made better food decisions.

Things to work on:

1. Exercise: I was doing great at first!! Then, I got busy with schoolwork and haven't been to the gym in a couple of weeks now. I need to get back into gear with that!
2. I haven't actually tracked my points since the first week. I mentally calculate, but I know I'm probably off a bit.
3. I've had a couple of binges in the past month due to some stressful events and sickness.
   
4. I need to sleep more!!!! I have been going on 4 or 5 hours of sleep many days, and I know I feel like crap afterwards. Also, this study reveals why I've been so ravenous lately!! If I want to lose weight, I need more sleep. (I knew I'd forget to post this link...thanks for reminding me memphiswordnerd!!)

The holidays are tough with all the food, events, and stress and the average person gains 6 pounds during this holiday season. So, here is my proposed plan of attack for this week:

1. Get to the gym three times this week for a minimum of one hour. I also will check into the 24-hour gym that recently opened up to see if that will work better with my schedule.
2. Write down every morsel of food that goes into my mouth, track the point values, and how I felt when I ate.
3. Get to bed by 11:30 three times this week.
4. Get rid of those darn Dove chocolates in my room that I bought earlier this week!
5. Start using my pedometer again and make conscious efforts to walk more by taking a walk either outside or in the building during my breaks at work. That way, when I'm short on time, I can at least accomplish something for me!! I need to work back into the 10,000 steps a day goal that I had worked on last year. Thank you to Mo for the idea!!

I could add a lot more to that list, but finals week starts Monday, so this should be good enough. What can you do to help me? Email me or comment and ask me how I'm doing whenever you drop by. If I have to post results or be accountable to you all, I know I'll be more committed too :)

Happy Hanukkah! Now, I don't celebrate this holiday yet, but Paul does. Plug your ears and I'll sing the Dreidel song for you :) I haven't bought him anything for him yet. I am totally clueless on what to get him. He has just about everything!! Seinfeld DVD? Already bought it! New watch? A friend gave him one today! Clothes?? He has a larger wardrobe than I do!! Phone sex??? LOL lets not go there! Video games? Hmmmm....that might be an area to explore. I have the worst time shopping for guys. I come from a family of all girls and my stepdad is only two steps away from a female. I mean, he is just not into the typical guy things...hunting, sports, etc. If any guys are reading, what kind of things do you like for gifts??

I want an engagement ring. BADLY. No, I don't think getting married is a key to happiness. I'm a complete person without changing my name. I'd just like to have a visual way to always have a piece of Paul with me. I want the family, the house, all those typical married things. I especially want a person to go home to every night. The ring just would symbolize everything we are to each other and cement his commitment. He always expresses how he loves me (much more than I express to him even), but we just haven't moved ahead in the relationship. I don't want to make a big move until I have it. I'm about to the point where I'm feeling that we need to get hitched or we need to move on. He talks about when we'll get married all the time so I'm not getting the sense of cold feet...he even said he'd like to be married as soon as 2005. So where is the action?? A coworker of mine came back to work with an engagement ring on Monday....OMG it was gorgeous!! I'd have an instant orgasm if I was presented with a ring like that!! I could just tell how happy she was as she divulged all the details....the date is already set for July. I don't think she has been dating her fiancee as long as I've been with Paul. I'm tired of being patient!! My mom's side of the family has a bet going on who will be the next to get married. I have two cousins that could beat me...Jon has already had two kids with his fiancee and Stacie has a promise ring that will be soon changing to an engagement ring. The females are ahead with one down the aisle...as long as my sisters don't get married before I do, I'll be fine :)

The title of this post comes from a candy wrapper! I succumbed to temptation and bought a bag of Dove chocolates...I can't eat just one!! Talk about self-sabotage. I'll be back on track tomorrow!!

Blasphemy! A few days ago, I went to my sister's sneak preview of the musical Godspell. The musical itself is a little hokey, but the actors did well. Basically, it was the times of Jesus and his crucifixion in modern times. Let me just say that the actor who portrayed Jesus was HOT! He wasn't just cute, but his singing voice was amazing. He could serenade me into bed anytime. I have fantasized many times about having a hot singer as a boyfriend...maybe a rockstar or some emotional, creative, musical soul. I never thought that I would ever fall in a love who couldn't hold a tune...my Pauly does try hard though. Just recently (after 4 years of knowing him), he revealed that he does know how to play the piano and performed November Rain in high school. That song is not an easy feat to play!! So, I still have that musical soul of a boyfriend that I always wanted. But man, if I wasn't in love and that Jesus guy was single, and if I had extreme self confidence, I'd make a move!!

I do think dating Jesus (or one that portrays him) would be tough though. I can just imagine the first date...I'd be watching every word I say, and I wonder if he'd make the first move or not. What if he was being a bit too pushy and try to get me into bed too soon?? If I protested, would he bring God into the picture?? And then if I ever dumped him, I could be damned to hell!!! He could say, "That's not what Jesus would do!! I'm going to tell my father!!" Or worse! I'll stick with my dear Paul....that way I can enjoy Christmas and Hanukkah :)

If any of you are reading tonight (yep I'm talking to you all from BE), I need your opinion!! Well, my boyfriend and I are doing the long-distance thing right now until May. We talk on the phone a lot...more often than I talk to my roommates. But, he says I don't email him enough. Geez, we talk so much now that there really isn't a lot that isn't said. He says he'd even love forwards! Crazy man, yes I know. So anyways, we had a discussion today about this particular story in the email. So, do you think the following item is funny? Now, I know the sense of humor varies between person, but most people have reacted to it the same way, except him :) So here goes...

"Christmas with Louise"

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?"

Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable Louise.' She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after Santa had come and gone. I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away,then come back and bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."

"Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.

"Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.

"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room.

But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny! Hang on!"

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and went out and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health. Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies.

I think Grandpa still calls her.

So comment and let me know, ok?

Some wild things go on at my house when I'm usually at school. How do I know this? Well, when I got up this morning, I could not maintain my balance...at all. My ear has been bugging me on and off for awhile, so I'm assuming it has something to do with that. If I still feel crappy tomorrow, I'll go to the doctor. So anyways, as I was saying, since I felt like death warmed over and I walked like I was drunk, I stayed home. Well, my roommate downstairs also was home most of the day. First, she was playing some angst-filled, whiny, college radio station type music, which I have no problem with and listen to on many occassions. I kept listening, and then this one song started, and the guitar playing was somewhat ok but the singing was crappy. I said to myself, "Who allows this song to be aired public??" Then it stopped, and restarted at the beginning, a chord was blown and started over again. I realized this clearly was no longer a CD or the radio...it was my roommate!! Her performance reminded me a bit of Phoebe from Friends. A girl with a guitar...well she kept at her playing for at least 45 minutes. I expected her to change to a new song, but it was the same one over and over again. She left for awhile, and then she started up again ON THE SAME SONG after she got home. I wonder if she realizes that she isn't that good! Who am I to judge though? I haven't played a guitar in years, haven't picked up my clarinet in a year, and am too nervous to sing in front of anyone but strangers. Maybe my roommate and I should start a group...I'll handle the vocals and she can do the strumming. Tonight, my other roommate is giving oboe lessons to one of her private students, so our house is rocking with music today :)

I'm testing out a theory today...I've noticed recently that my parents aren't calling me before I end up calling them. Does this mean they don't think about me much? They don't care how I'm doing? Or am I just too bored so I end up calling them too often? It's most likely me...if I don't have anyone to chat with, I'll end up chatting with myself. Gosh, I can have the best conversations with me...or I can go into a nice daydream....I have some great stories with me as the main character right here in my head. They are so much better than the blah I type here. OK, so anyways back to my theory. I have decided that I am not going to call them until they call me. We'll see how long they can go without a Gigglepuss fix.

What brings this testing on? Well, yesterday I head over to their house to pick up my gymbag (which I ended up forgetting to bring home again!! Luckily, I have some workout clothes here so I can truly test my theory.) Well, I walk in and my sister is on the couch...and she has SHINGLES!!! My hypochondriac tendencies kick in and I'm wondering, "Oh shit, I'm exposed and I'm going to get it now!!!" I immediately felt itchy and icky. HAVING SHINGLES IS AN IMPORTANT THING TO WARN ME ABOUT BEFORE I COME OVER!!!! Well, shingles aren't really contagious unless you haven't had chicken pox and they don't really itch. Crisis avoided. But, the point is, I wouldn't have known unless I came over. I think sickness and disease is something interesting to call me about! Then, I find out that the preview of my other sister's musical is today and it starts after work...my family didn't bother inviting me!! My mom's excuse was she thought I'd have to work and wouldn't be able to get the time off, but she knows my work schedule!! The start time is clearly afterwards!! So, we'll see how much they love me now... I really don't need to talk to them, but I think work is affecting me so I feel I must be on the phone 24 hours a day :)

I'm skipping class today...not in the mood to show a lame Powerpoint presentation or sit through a lecture. Our paper is finished for my business class, so I'm not missing out on anything there either. I sometimes just need a day to myself...except of course, I still have to go to work. I just applied for another position there, so I'm not going to let anything like an unexcused absence mess me up. I will rise to power and be released from the chain of the phone at work!!

Totally random thing I noticed...all my titles here end with !! I think I'm a little !! obsessed. I should try to keep the !! out of my next post. That'll go right along with my other goals I should be working on...