Tuesday, February 01, 2005
I'm Not a Teacher

My first class was cancelled today, so I have a bit of time to post. I didn't really want to sit through 1.5 hours of speeches about what others believe in. After the first round of speeches, I'm expecting a lot to be sports related. "Hi, I'm some random dude who can't get over the fact that my football career is over, and I believe the (enter team of your choice) is the best team in the world!" Blah.

So, I haven't really posted a lot about how I'm doing fitness wise lately. I guess it's because there really isn't anything new to say. I'm exercising, not overeating, and just doing my thing. Is it working? Ehhhhh, I lost weight last month, but that is to be expected after my lack of caring over the holidays and the funeral. The big thing is I really need to commit more to this. I say it, and then I let other issues get in the way. Work, family crud, school, etc. Do I really want to lose weight? Of course! Am I really ready to put myself and my body first? I don't know. I'm going to try :)

If there are readers out there looking to learn anything about getting healthy, you're checking out the wrong blog, unless you want to learn about the struggle. I'm not a teacher or an expert...I don't proclaim to know anything about what to do. There are some great blogs on my roll that you'll get that from. I am going to continue to write how I feel, and if you enjoy it, great! I'm writing mainly for me, because it is a good source for me to get my feelings out of my head. In the outside world, I'm a bottler with a big ol' smile on my face most of the time. I'm not in a depression, but I just am not that comfortable with spilling everything to a lot of people. I'm so much better at getting my point across on paper, although my writing style here isn't anything to crow about.

One thing that I've learned since working on myself: I like me and my life is actually pretty good. I could not say that before...all I could focus on was my gut, my inability to finish things I start, my grudges, and my lack of close friends. I have a job that pays well and doesn't make me want to strangle myself with a phone cord on most days. I have succeeded there quickly, and I like the praise. My body is getting more fit by the day, and I love how I can outlast some of the skinnies on the elliptical and the sculpting class. I'm dealing with some old family issues, and it doesn't pervade my thoughts so often anymore. I have made a few new friends in the past year through the gym and the net that I feel really comfortable with. What I'm really proud about is going back to school. I thought I would never get back, and would be resigned to the fact that I would never make my high expectations for myself. But, I'm doing well (woohoo for the 4.0 GPA so far), and I have so many ideas for what I could do for a new career. I'm even seriously thinking about going back to my science background, and heading back to med school. I thought I couldn't cut it and let negative thoughts pervade my brain. One awful teacher in college made me feel worthless, and I let myself believe I couldn't accomplish my dream. I can do anything that I set my mind to do as long as I am determined to stay committed.

So, I'm going to work hard, set some new goals, and share a bit more about what I'm doing to accomplish them. I'm still going to ramble quite a bit...this is my spot and I can :) The journey to my well being never ends so I hope you enjoy the ride, even if you don't learn a darn thing!