The Gigglepuss Chronicles

Is it May Yet??

2007-03-15T19:06:00.000-06:00

I know, I know, I haven't posted in forever. I got a new position at work again and typing logically on the computer is the last thing on my mind when I get home.

Wedding planning and details are coming along pretty well...I just hope that we're able to pay for it all :) I'm a tad bit worried that we'll run a bit short on something with other life expenses that keep coming up. Like now, I have to pay for a formal dress for a work event next week when I had that money earmarked to pay for the last bit of my wedding dress. Waiting another two weeks won't kill me, I guess!

We just received our wedding invitation proofs yesterday and so they'll be in to send by the beginning of next week! I think they are cute and a bit different! They are from the new pocket collection from Carlson Craft...no pictures are available online yet, so here's a little sneak preview. The first picture shows the invitation itself (with the pertinent info removed), and the second one kind of gives you the idea of what it will look like inside the black pocket. It has a little circle where the R peeks through.

My aunts are throwing me a wedding shower in a few weeks. We just finished our registries for Target, Bed, Bath, & Beyond, and Kohl's, so I think this should give people quite enough ideas for gifts!!! This event is what I'm dreading the most (well except for the dancing at the reception)...I hate being the center of attention and having to make small talk with relatives that I barely know! At least, I'll have enough of my work friends there to loosen me up. I've heard rumblings about some work people also wanting to plan a bachelorette party for me (since my MOH is younger than 21 and also a bit of a flake lately). So, we'll see what happens.

And weight loss? Since I went back to WW, I've lost 10 pounds. It's troubling that I'm still a good deal heavier than I was at this time next year, but my mind is so much healthier, so I guess it's an even tradeoff. Paul and I have also joined a different gym that is right next to our job, so that way when I go in earlier, he can work out before work, and I can workout while I wait for him to get off work. I'm hoping this will help me shed weight a little quicker before the big day. Plus, I've always wanted to do an aqua aerobics class and there are some that work great with my schedule.

Stay tuned for pictures of me in my dress!! I'll take some once I have my fitting :)

Well, I Didn't Lose an Arm...

2006-12-16T11:02:00.001-06:00

But, my Pauly was rushed to the emergency room via ambulance on Thursday. Luckily, he's fine...he started getting chest pain and pain down his left arm at work...and of course you think heart attack or stroke so his coach got worried. He went to the regular doc first, and they called the ambulance to get him to the hospital. As I said, he's fine, and we had the same ER doc as last time who really pissed me off. Pauly will be getting a regular doctor here now shortly so we can figure out what the heck is going on with him.

Other than that, things are going well...my Christmas tree is now full of cute ornaments via my May 2007 Knottie Secret Santa and my mom finding some huge snowflake ornaments in my wedding color. I was in charge of my whole floor at work for a few hours while my managers were in some big hush, hush meeting. Maybe I'll be up for a real promotion in the future...not bad for being there for less than a year! There really isn't much to do for planning the wedding right now...I just have to actually order the invitations, start shopping for Pauly's ring next year, and of course wish to win the lottery before May so we can afford this darn thing. I'm eating more fruits instead of junk, and my weight is down 4 pounds since my last scary scale episode. I don't have to worry about fitting in my dress luckily, but darn, I'd still like to look more fit by May!

For now, I must head off to work...there is a big memorial for a coworker that got hit by a truck while he was walking back to work at one of our other call centers, so the schedulers begged us all to come in for overtime...I agreed to do four hours. This now will be my LAST SATURDAY I'll ever work again (as long as stay working here). Hopefully, the time will fly by!

Klutzes 'R Us!

2006-12-12T17:40:00.000-06:00

I am a huge klutz. I guess I have found myself a good mate because he rarely teases me about my troubles with gravity. But, that's probably because he is quite the clod himself! I fear for our children if they inherit this trait from both of us! A couple of weeks ago, we had a horrible freezing rain storm. The next day, everything was iced over and sidewalks were not sanded well. When we were walking down the stairs outside of our apartment, Paul slipped, fell down about 8 steps, and came inches from having his manhood ram into the railing. I wanted to laugh so much, but then I could see that he was really hurting. At work, he even sent out an email requesting a cushion for his rear....and his bruises were quite nasty looking too. He thought he'd be ok, but a few days later, his back really started hurting him. On Thursday, he couldn't bear to get out of bed so we took him to the doctor. Turns out he had two compressed vertebrae...ouch! Good thing I didn't laugh! The doc gave him some meds and told him to come back in if the pain started affecting his legs. And the pain sure did...he fell down twice yesterday so we took him in again and he got much better pain meds. So hopefully, he'll be going back to work tomorrow! I think his accident is the closest he's come to beating my klutzy stairs accident when I broke my ankle!

Other than that, I've been busy writing holiday cards and must get back to it! I think I have 40 more to fill out. I never send out cards, but since we're sending out Save the Date magnets, it seemed easier to do it this way...hit two birds with one stone. I hope my hand can make it through writing the rest!

More updates tomorrow, unless I lose an arm!

Christmas Peeps?

2006-12-09T08:28:00.001-06:00

I really, really hate those marshmallow peeps. Everybody else in my family loves them! Since when did the company start making Christmas ones??? Yuck!

Well anywho, I have decided that I must start blogging everyday for now on. Keeping my hands occupied keeps me away from grabbing the nasty food that really, really likes to stick on me lately. (Well, except for the holiday Frosty Nerds near my computer desk.) I am so frustrated with my...I dunno what to blame it on...my energy level at dangerously low levels, my lack of self-motivation, or something! The scale numbers keep creeping higher and to be honest, I haven't really done much about it (except whining and making plans I've yet to implement) until last night. 12 pounds have jumped on me in the last two weeks...that is enough to scare me silly!! Starting today, I'm digging out all my resources that worked so well in the past and (GASP!) actually using them! I'll be writing down EVERYTHING that I pop in my mouth again and figure out when and where and what is screwing me up. I will be scheduling in my exercise so I can't just blow it off everyday instead of doing great one day and then skipping the next three days. And yes, since I have already bought the WW monthly pass, I WILL go to my meetings and really track my points and plan my meals instead of guesstimating. I WILL FIT IN MY WEDDING DRESS IN MAY!!!!

I finally have found my other blog and remembered the password...I'm not going to start using it again, but it was really interesting to read what was in there plus the many other entries that I never posted. Plus, there really isn't anything to hide from family members and the fiance anymore. What a difference a year makes! Last year, I was dealing with all the health and mental issues and this year I'm happy and pretty healthy. Yes, I do need to schedule another checkup on the health issues....months past due...but I'm feeling ok mostly. (And thank goodness, my Aunt Flo has finally come back to visit! I knew I wasn't preggers, but I always pack on the pounds when she forgets to show up.) I haven't bumped into ANYBODY that was in group therapy with me since our last day, but I think about them and wonder how they're doing. Last year, it felt like the whole world had turned against me, and now I have someone with me daily who shows me how much I am loved and appreciated. Sure, I was at my lowest weight then, but being depressed and not having the want to get out of bed can do that. I'm not happy with my weight and I will get down again, but I'm told often that I am beautiful, and that feels good.

On the wedding front, I have decided where I'll get my invitations and have a general idea of what they'll look like. I still have to decide on one of the colors, but I hope to have that finalized and get them ordered this month. Paul and I also went to our first pre-wedding session with the pastor of the church. We have to go at least four more times by May. She gave us so many quizzes and readings to do before our next session. She is a little more traditional than I expected, but I hope our ceremony will be a nice blend of what we both want. (She wants us to have communion at the ceremony, but egads, that takes more time plus we'll have many Jewish people there that would feel a bit odd about it. Oh yeah, and she also says we need a hymn for the congregation to sing!! Ewwwwwww!!!) We started going to church, and will continue to do so. Paul actually didn't mind going, so if he's willing, I can handle it.

I have to run off to work (my last Saturday that I'll ever have to work at this company!), so I'll be back again tomorrow!

Happiness Weighs A Ton!!

2006-11-20T20:15:00.000-06:00

Geez, another three months since I posted last. I'm finished with apologizing for my absence!!

I'm back at square one....AGAIN. Remember all that weight I lost? Yeah, I've found it again...plus some. I really didn't notice the difference until my pants starting getting quite snug. I've been enjoying life, work, TV, and great cooking by Paul and forgot all the important things like exercise, portion sizes, and drinking water. Also, the medications I've been put on in the past year have helped the weight stick back on too.

So, yesterday marked six months until my walk down the aisle, and I weigh more than when I got measured for my dress!! Crap!!! So, I'm taking drastic action. Now that I have an earlier work schedule and no more weekends, I started back at Weight Watchers once again since I can consistently get to meetings again. I've gained 30....yes, 30 pounds....since my last restart....and that was only 4 months ago. I've started the Buff Brides progam with some other gals who are at the six month mark until their weddings too, and I've dragged out all my videos again. I'm committed, and even better, Paul has agreed to follow the WW plan with me even though he won't be going to meetings with me.

For those into details, I'll share some wedding stuff :)

I have everything booked except for ceremony musicians, invitations, and the honeymoon. It is really hard to find nice invitations in my colors! I did get an estimate from one invitation design place and town and have a meeting with another one on Friday. I still have to pick out a veil and shoes, but the dress is ordered, the bridesmaid dresses are taken care of, and the groomsmen tuxes are picked out. Am I within our original budget? I have no idea! Guess I'll need to figure that out :)

To the left is my wedding dress (NOT ON ME!!! The color of mine is Diamond White, although this color is very pretty too) The picture really doesn't do it justice. To the right is the bridesmaid dress (in the exact color except there will be spaghetti straps)

Here are my Save the Date magnets. I wasn't originally going to have these, but with all of Paul's out-of-town relatives, we figured we better. Plus I got an awesome deal from VistaPrint and only paid about $30 for 200. (Ignore the white blurred out part of our last names!) We're sending these along with other pertinent info with holiday cards this year.

Here is a picture of our room we'll be using for the reception. We've picked the Holiday Inn Starlite Room. It really is beautiful and really doesn't need much for decoration. This picture has holiday decor, but it gives you the general idea.

I better get on to exercising before Paul gets home, so I'll share more as soon as I can!

Keeping My Head Above Water

2006-08-23T20:10:00.000-06:00

I'm sooooo overwhelmed!! Trying to plan wedding stuff, working a crapload of overtime, getting bills paid, and keeping the fiance entertained is exhausting me. I feel like I just don't have enough minutes in the day, and when I do get a day off, I have to do all the tasks that I've put off because of the lack of time. I sure hope things settle down soon.

As I said in my last post, I did rejoin WW again. How is it going? Oh, it went well for the first two weeks...but then came a big wedding the day before weigh-in, I can't seem to control my urge to munch when I get home, and such good large meals made by the fiance make it tough. But, I'm getting better with fitting in exercise. We joined the gym and Paul loves the pool, so we've been trying to go as soon as I get home after 10-11 hour shifts. After that, it's suppertime, squeeze in a bit of TV, and go to bed. As I said, I just need more minutes in the day or be able to go on less sleep.

Good news! I found my wedding dress!! In my city, there are about 3 main bridal stores...David's Bridal, Interlude, and the French Door. David's has a great variety of plus-sizes, but ugh, none really appealed to me. I found great bridesmaid dresses at Interlude and some cute wedding dresses, but the wedding dresses I liked weren't anywhere near my size (but could be ordered) so I didn't even dare to try one on. I did try on some pretty fugly ones though. I looked at the French Door once because one of the designers I had my eye on was available there...I kept putting off trying on anything because I am so self-conscious. After my mom and I left the place we finally settled on for the reception, she convinced me to go there again. The manager let me browse and decide what I liked, and then she presented me with dresses she thought would look good on me. I found a couple in my size and she found three more that she liked that weren't. She jumped right in the dressing room, practically took my clothes off herself, and helped me get into all the dresses. I looked at the sizes she brought in (one was a size 12!!!) and thought to myself, "How in the world does she expect me to squeeze into that?" Miraculously, I fit into those smaller sizes without a struggle in order to make the right choice. We narrowed it down to the Maggie Sottero Ivy and En Vogue. When I looked at the En Vogue on the rack, I thought I'd HATE it....but that is the one I fell in love with once it was on me. I'd love to show a pic of me in it, but the store didn't allow pictures and she was in the dressing room with me so I could not sneak one. We're ordering it next week after I get paid...the manager said it could take about six months until it's ready, so no waiting to see if I lose some more weight...oh well! If anything, the seamstress can just take it in a bit if I lose a bit.

So, I now have the dress, the reception and ceremony locations down, and the cake baker (already knew my mom's cousin who makes cakes for a living would be the one) determined...now the only huge decisions pressing are the photographer/video and the florist. I'm clueless with these decisions so my mom is going to help me a bit :)

By the way, guess I had my 2nd anniversary of this blog on Monday. I used to be so good at posting...but then some people found out...and I got busy....and well...life happens. I wonder if anybody even reads this anymore since I rarely update! I'll keep trying to update more often, but I can't promise miracles!!

Please Disregard the Mess!!

2006-07-02T14:10:00.000-06:00

Yikes, you can tell how long it's been since I've peeked at my blog...I didn't notice the background had disappeared. Luckily I had the header saved...the rest is a little messy, but it'll do for now!

So new news...I'M ENGAGED! I'll spare you all the details, but it happened on June 15th. Our tentative wedding date is May 19th, 2007. We have the ceremony location already figured out (my childhood church), but everything else is still being figured out. I'm so happy and excited...but, I think my mom is a bit more excited about planning than I am :)

Other news: I finally joined Weight Watchers again yesterday. My mom joined along with me, and one of my sisters wants to join as well (although she surely does NOT need it). Holy buckets, I think I've gained almost 25 pounds since my fiance moved in with me. I can't help it...he is such a good cook!! So, I need to make some more time to exercise once again and start watching my portions a bit more closely. I think I'm going to do the Flex plan like last time...although Core could work if I get Pauly to work more fruits and veggies in his meals :) We both could stand to lose some weight, so it'd be good to have some support.

And yes, I promise to blog more often...work has been keeping me busy, but I am finally getting some earlier hours so I'll have some good evening blogtime available!!

Sniffles

2006-05-15T21:43:00.000-06:00

I am soooo sick of mandatory overtime.....2 hours today, 1.5 hours tomorrow, stuck working this Saturday....to be truthful, I have overtime everyday except for the weekend for the next two weeks. I knew about the up to 9 hours allowed each week, but gosh I didn't think this would happen every day!! I know I'll love the paycheck, but I want my life back, darnit!!

Luckily, I made it home to see the end of the Grey's Anatomy season finale. If I would have paid attention to the TV schedule, I would have taped it. This show is my guilty pleasure...I never work Sunday so it's the one show I've been able to keep on top of this season. All I can say is, Awwwww Denny! I was just beginning to believe you'd be back next season. And, Meredith and McDreamy...tsk tsk tsk. I wouldn't mind having to choose between Patrick Dempsey and Chris O'Donnell....even though they have the facial hair/stubble. I can make an exception sometimes :)

And the biggest news? I was sized for a ring. Wow. You can guess what will be happening sometime soon. I am so bad with jewelry....I always fidget with it or take it off and forget where I put it....maybe I'll be better with something so important. I just want to know when it'll happen...I hate surprises!!

My Man Servant

2006-05-03T23:10:00.000-06:00

Yes I know, another month has went by and I haven't posted diddily squat!!!

Paul arrived here in early April without a hitch. It is amazing how quickly I acclimated to being with him...now I don't know how to function without him around! He had to leave on Saturday for a couple of weeks to finish getting his place ready for sale and packing up the rest of his stuff. I've NEVER had someone take such good care of me. He cooked about every meal, did the laundry, packed all my lunches for work, reminded me when to go to bed, and just made me feel extremely loved and wanted. Yikes! I didn't expect things would go so well. I've only had him away for a few days, but I'm already a bumbling fool...can't remember to eat, or take my pills, or get to bed on time.....Blah!!!!

Weight loss front....I have NO freaking idea!! I haven't stepped on the scale for about a month or so, but I don't think my clothes are getting any tighter. I keep meaning to join the gym, but with mandatory overtime at work and Paul entertaining me in the mornings, I just haven't had the chance. I WILL be joining plus going to WW again when I get my next pay check with my raise and all that overtime pay :) So then, I'll have a better update!!

I need to get to bed or I'll never get up tomorrow morning, so I'll update again soon!

Cripes, I'm Old!

2006-04-06T08:35:00.000-06:00

I can't be 28 already!!! I had so many plans that I wanted to accomplish before now :(

One more official sign that I'm getting to be a geezer: I just got an email reminding me about my 10-year high school class reunion. Baaaaaaah!! I still remember much too much about those ol' HS days. Do I really want to see anybody again yet? Guess I have three months to decide.....

Official sign two: the "light light light blonde" hair has not decided to disappear. Natch, guess I'll really have to start plucking or getting a new dye job!

Sign three: my left knee is really starting to whine a lot! After many, many trips up three flights of stairs during my big move, I just could not stand to walk anymore. And yes, it can tell when the weather will change too.

But....other than those gripes, I feel rather young! I still have school and nobody has mistaken me for one of the "returning experienced learners" yet....I'm hanging out with gals a few years younger than me without getting all motherly, and I'm acting like I'm still in college with drinking (yeah, I know, I still have to chill out on that!). I'm just NOT READY FOR A REUNION AND HAVING TO ACT MY AGE AND FIGURE OUT MY LIFE PATH YET!!

Alright, end of rant!

Hellooooo Stranger!!!!

2006-04-05T23:37:00.000-06:00

Yikes, almost a month since I posted again! Why is it so hard for me to write when my personal life is going pretty well? Maybe I think it'll be too boring for anyone to read....

Well anyways, I have had some bumps in the road, but I think I'm better off for having to deal with it. Number one bump: I just moved again!!! Since I had the car accident (oh yeah, that's bump #2), the manager was a bitch about replacing the keys that I lost...the apartment was too noisy...and some more random complaints....so I broke my lease and found a much nicer place with a lot more space and one extra bedroom for only $35 dollars more. Not too bad of a deal! Another great perk of my new place: I'm right across the street from a gym I have always wanted to join. Yay! No excuses!

What else is going on? Well, I'm still working like a dog with my two jobs.....job two will be done after Mother's Day finally!! It was supposed to end after Valentine's Day, but then they kept extending my temp time there....and I need the money....so I didn't complain too much. Getting up at the buttcrack of dawn sucks, but the job is waaaay slack. At my full-time job, I'm doing really well and am becoming an expert on all our products. I still seem to have the knack for selling crap when I need to. This job will pay for my schooling for any degree, so I'll be sticking around there for a few years if I don't strangle myself first!

Oh yeah, and the big news? Paul is moving here. Yep. I'm excited, but I'm nervous too. I wonder if a bit of his quickness to get here has to do with me seeming to be fully functional on my own, going out and drinking too much on Thursday nights, and his jealousy about a certain guy friend of mine who values my opinions. He's getting here on Saturday....I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that everything works out. I can be a bit of a pain in the arse, and now he'll see firsthand how much I've changed personality-wise in the months since we stopped communicating. Don't get me wrong, he isn't perfect either, so we'll have to learn to deal with each other.

Well, my bed is calling my name....luckily I only have to work one job tomorrow!! I'm going to try to keep you all updated as much as I can!!

Back in the Saddle Again!

2006-03-15T22:41:00.000-06:00

If happiness makes me gain weight, in some ways I wish I was still a bit depressed! Nah, not really...but the scale has surprised me with a 15 pound gain since the beginning of the year. A few of my new friends are feeling the same pain, so we decided to do something about it. On Tuesday, we walked down to the Y during our lunch break to check it out. Our company offers a discount there and it didn't seem too busy when we went. The coordinator gave us a week pass to try out everything.

So today, Molly and I made the commitment and went there this morning. Arrrgh, it seems like it's been soooo long since I really worked out!! We checked out the elliptical and the weight machines.....hit the hot tub....did quite a few laps.....tried the sauna (blaaaaahhhh, it smelled like roasted feet)....and called it good. After that, we had quite a bit of time before work so we wandered around downtown. We're definitely going to join...having it so close to work and a buddy along makes it a bit easier to commit.

When we went on the tour yesterday, a couple of the girls did something that amazed me. These gals weren't the smallest of the group, but they jumped right on the scale and announced their weights to everybody. I would NEVER feel comfortable doing that! What also amazed me was that they were both within about 10 pounds of my weight....I thought I was quite a bit bigger. Holy shit....I still see myself as a blimp, I guess!

What else is new?? Well, my birthday is on Saturday and what are you going to get me? I could probably use a box of hair color :) The stress of having Paul back around again, figuring out if he's true, and working two jobs (one full time and one about 30 hours a week) has made some strands of "light, light, light, light blonde" pop through again. I truly need to make some time for myself, but it really is difficult. I get off the full time job around nine at night and am ready to drop dead. The nights I don't go straight home, I end up out with the work crew wayyyy too late even though job #1 starts at 7 am!! Paul is starting to believe I'm an alcoholic :) Nah, I'm not quite there yet, but I really am going to watch my intake a bit more closely. I like to remember what happened the next day....and not get reminded by camera phone pictures!!!

Well anyways, that is what is going on right now! I'll be back again with more updates soon!

I Said I'd Be Back!!!!

2006-03-06T09:37:00.000-06:00

Wow, I need to get used to writing in this again! I can't believe time has gone by so quickly!

Well, to cover topic #1: I found a new job in January and I love it! It doesn't pay as much as my banking job, but the benefits are excellent. Plus, I have gained a whole slew of new friends. I have gained a bad habit from the change...drinking alcohol :) Every Thursday night, we end up going to this bar and last week I even sang some rotten karaoke with another gal. Since starting the job, I've had many moments of extreme happiness....and I haven't felt that way in forever!! In December, I started a second job that runs only around the holidays....let's just say I'm sick of flowers. I worked there again Valentine's Day....and they keep extending my time there by another week. If it keeps going like this, I'll still be there up to Mother's Day instead of having a break.

Topic #2: I have my own apartment and NO roommate. I moved there in January after spending a hellish month with my family. I've been so busy with working and paying off other stuff that I haven't had the chance to really get much furniture in here. My living room has a TV and a chair, my bedroom has an air mattress....but my kitchen is fully stocked with plates, cooking utencils, and food :)

Topic #3: Guy drama......yeah, after eight months, Paul has popped back into my life. He isn't dead, not that I really believed he was, but he was dead to me. And now, he seems soooo committed to coming here and starting a new life with me. I just don't know what to think yet. I'm taking it day by day. Also, I got a beauuuutiful bouquet of flowers and a box that contained two burned CDs, a couple of books, candy, and some other random things I liked on Valentine's Day. The problem? It wasn't from Paul! There was no card attached...I asked every single person that I knew and nobody has fessed up to it. I'm leaning towards my bud Scott since I had said that I never get anything for V-Day a week or so prior. Plus, the music on the CD was EXACTLY what I like.....and he is probably the only one who could guess that.

Topic #4: Loss....My grandma ended up passing away in early December. She ended up ripping out her own ventilator out and the family chose to just have hospice care measures after that. Yes, I know she's at peace, but I really miss her and wish we could have talked just once more. I didn't even cry at her passing till probably a week later. At the funeral, I ended up reading a poem and singing a song with all her other granddaughters. My mom has had quite an ordeal dealing with her brother about how things with grandma's house should be handled....I think they finally have worked it out now. But then again, I have to be careful when I call because my one sister has a spazz attack whenever I call and she's around. So, with another loss, my relationship with my youngest sister is pretty much kaput until she decides to GROW UP!

Topic #5: Weight loss??? Well, in the past few weeks, my appetite has come back with a vengeance....maybe it is due to being happy again instead of the icky depression funk. Luckily, my kitchen is full of mostly healthy things, so if I really start craving something, I can't screw up too much. My gym membership just expired and I'm not going back there....so I'm deciding where I want to go next. My oldest sister works at Curves so I'm tempted to check it out....but I'm also thinking about going to the gym I had originally wanted to join. I'll have to test them both out and see. I want to join WW again too...I just have to find the perfect time where there is a good leader. I loved the Thursday noonish one, but now I won't be able to do that one anymore with my new schedule....just like I had to drop out of band. But, my big goal in that was to have people to talk to....which I have now anyways!! As soon as I can change my schedule, I will really join the band :)

Oh yeah, and Paul found this page last night...and read just about everything! I was a little peeved, but now he knows how I was feeling and knows that he needs to work on some things in order to keep me happy. Of course, if I want things to work with him this time, I need to stop being an ass too. So, if you went against my wishes and did come back here again (which I'll be able to tell!), Howdy Paul!!!

I am going to try to keep this updated daily again...so don't give up on me!!

Wake Me Up When January...(and now February is almost gone too!) Ends

2006-02-25T02:01:00.000-06:00

Arrrgghhhhh! Who knew it would be so long before I got a chance to update again.??? I have so much to tell and will be spilling it all soon. I FINALLY have my internet set up at my new place so I can stay up all night posting :) Alas, I have also been working too much in the past two months so I'm about to crash. Look forward to some good stories here shortly!!!

Quick recap of things I need to spill about (so I don't forget!!):
1. New Jobs!
2. New empty apartment
3. Guy drama!!!!! Guy drama!!! Arrrgh!
4. Family losses
5. And of course, weight issues!!!

I shall be back!!!!!!

I'll Never Be a Packer!

2005-12-03T10:06:00.000-06:00

No news here...just letting you know my silence for the past few days is due to moving!!! Had a huge fight with the roommate on the actual date it was supposed to happen. Oh, I'm glad to be almost rid of her!

So, as soon as I'm settled, come on back for some more dirt!!

Jodi

Settle Down, Oprah Ain't Here Yet!

2005-11-28T23:51:00.000-06:00

But anyways, the big announcement is that it's SNOWING! Not just snowing, but blizzarding!!! Holy shizzlesticks...the wind makes it look a lot worse. This is the part of winter that sucks...unless of course, somewhere I don't want to go is called off. But, tomorrow is Group Sex (hehe, more will be in my other blog about that), and I don't want to miss the funniest group of the whole darn week. Well, since the interstates are still closed at this point, maybe the powers that be will cancel class tomorrow.

Oh yeah, and I'm going to start actual WW meetings again as soon as I get my car back from the shop. With some recent medical news, I know I have to pay more attention to carbs and such, and when I was doing the points, it made me focus! Wonder if I can get someone to come with me...I went alone before, but I'd kind of like someone to bitch, exercise, and compete with. Yeah, I like competition. Of course, I'll probably get a bit jealous if the other person pulls ahead, but maybe I can just focus on it motivating and not pissing me off instead :)

Tell Me Something I Don't Know...

2005-11-27T00:57:00.000-06:00

So, I haven't heard this officially from my regular doctor yet, but he did tell some info to my mom when he was up checking on my grandma. The bloodwork and other stuff that I had done? Well, he told her I have PCOS. Gee, really doc? You've been fussing around with my female parts and problems for years and now it makes sense to you? Most likely endometriosis too with the information my mom supplied him about my lovely Aunt Flo. So, he said he'll be calling me up to tell me and that he has a great medication for me. The way this year has went so far, I'll be a walking pharmacy pretty soon! Good news: he said the last person he had go on it lost 40 pounds in a really short period of time. Hmmmmm, maybe I'll get to my goal weight faster. I also will be having a fasting blood glucose check to see if my levels are still wonky like they were during my hospital stay. And boy, once the doctor finally tells me something and not my mother, I'll have some big questions for him!

Another thing I already know: I don't know if I'm ready for a guy to be serious about me again. Mr. Old Flame is all sweet and good, but...well I don't know a good but...ok I'm wishy-washy. One day I'm over the moon, take me now, kiss me kiss me....and the next day it's like, "Whoa, check out that other guy!" or "Shit, men are evil! Get away, you!" Plus, I'm really trying hard to work on some other personal issues, and adding someone to the mix complicates things a bit. If only I could see into the future...I don't want to hate myself for messing up something that could be great...or wasting time on crap. Send me a sign!!!

Oh Happy Day!

2005-11-23T08:18:00.000-06:00

No, not happy day about grandma...although she is breathing slightly on her own...ventilator is still doing much of the work...but hey, it's a positive sign she still is putting up a bit of a fight.

I got a message from my neurologist...make that the nurse of my neurologist yesterday. Yep, when I went to the hospital in October, they had a neurologist check me out too. He ran a few tests on me, checked out some of the other results that were in my file, searched and found my MRI from May, and gave me a couple pain blocks to help my shoulder/left arm. I'm finally getting a call-back about some results. Well, she told me that one of the tests...I think it was the autonomic one...they did came up abnormal and that my blood sugar was screwed up too. She sent the blood results to my regular doctor (actually she said she did a week ago already) and that I should be hearing from him, put me on an anti-seizure/migraine medication (well good thing I won't be getting a seizure since I've seen one and of course, they aren't fun!), and to check in for a follow-up in two weeks. So, maybe we're making some progress in diagnosing the original problem that has been messing around with me since May!

Well anyways, that's the only news fit to print at the moment!!

Hospital Elevators Smell Like Poo

2005-11-20T23:38:00.000-06:00

At my door the leaves are falling the cold wild wind will come
Sweethearts walk by together and I still miss someone
I go out on a party and look for a little fun
But I find a darkened corner cause I still miss someone---Johnny Cash

Gosh, it just takes one event for me to put away my issues for a bit. As I've written before, my grandma has had a hell of a year. On Thursday, the doctor said she was good to go back to the home and she was released from the hospital. Well, at 5 am, she was getting ready to go back by ambulance. My parents beat her to the hospital because it took awhile to get her stable enough to move. She wasn't responding, couldn't breathe, was coughing up crap, the list goes on. So, she definitely has pneumonia and her right lung was filled with a bunch of thick icky crap....so bad that they did a bronchotomy (sp?) to get it out. She was placed on a ventilator before she got to the ER and when I got there, they said that was the only thing keeping her alive at the time. She was severely dehydrated (again...I don't think she was fully recovered before they sent her home, actually) too. Her blood pressure dropped down to the 40s/50s and medicine was given to keep it up. My mom, aunt, and uncle made the hard decision to do no extra measures if her heart stops. In the critical care unit, I got to hold her hand (which she squeezed back) and she opened her eyes for a bit...she slept most of the time because the doctor has her sedated so she doesn't rip out one of the many tubes connected to her right now like the central line that is giving her fluids. These next 24 hours are pretty critical. I don't want her in any excessive pain, but it's going to be hard to let go too...my favorite grandpa and now possibly grandma gone in less than a year? So, right now, we're just waiting to see if she makes it through the night.

On the plus side, I finally have visually noticed my weight loss. My aunt brought over some pictures from the 4th of July and the whole family could really tell. I think I must have some problem with my eyesight, because I NEVER thought I looked that huge. Gosh, I hate pictures, but now I'll have some lovely before/during stage pictures to share eventually :)

But, in the meantime, just send some good vibes if you can spare them to my grandma and the family.

Since I'm Bored....

2005-11-19T14:35:00.000-06:00

You Are Changing Leaves

Pretty, but soon dead.

What Part of Fall Are You?

Your Blog Should Be Yellow

You're a cheerful, upbeat blogger who tends to make everyone laugh.
You are a great storyteller, and the first to post the latest funny link.
You're also friendly and welcoming to everyone who comments on your blog.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You are always tactful and diplomatic. You let people down gently.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Sing With Me :)

2005-11-19T12:05:00.000-06:00

Inspiration from Monty Python's Spamalot

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewing on life's grissle,
don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best.....

Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the right side of life

If life seems jolly rotten, there's something you've forgotten
and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When your feeling in the dumps, don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle that's the thing

Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the right side of life

Well life is quite absurd, and death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin, give the audience a grin
enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow

Always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true
You'll see it's all a show, keep 'em laughing as you go!
Just remember that the last laugh is on you

Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the right side of life

Life is quite absurd, and death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin, give the audience a grin
enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow
{EVERYBODY SING!}
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the bri-i-i-i-i-ight
side of life
side of life
side of li-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-fe

Oops!!

2005-11-17T21:35:00.000-06:00

I've been so busy journalling on paper and at my other place that I forgot to get back here!!

No exciting health news....my appetite is slowly returning (damn!), and I've went out to eat three times already this week. I don't think I overdid it too much though! One of those nights, I was supposed to meet up with 1 guy and a few gals I know...it ended up just the guy and me! More about that in my other blog. Again, if you're interested, comment and I'll give you the link. The two pounds I gained have disappeared, and my mood is slowly improving for the most part.

In trying to get my happy back news: I just emailed my former band director from college about joining the community band. I miss playing with a group and the comraderie in the clarinet section. Also, I need something creative to do! I've also been doing some job searching for a position that will make me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile and not so much phone-based. I usually don't have a hard time finding a job, but getting one that I love takes some work!

My room is now perfect!! Too bad that I have to move...I want to savor my organization longer!! Still searching for a place...I don't have much time left!!

It's Time!!!

2005-11-14T22:36:00.000-06:00

First off, my other blog is up so if anyone wants the link, leave a comment and a way to email you and I'll give it.

This post shall be short....I am just taking a break from tidying little things up in my room. The realtor is going to do a walk-through of the house tomorrow!!!! Hopefully, it looks okay enough because I'll be darned if I'm going to stay up late in order to make it completely perfect.

While cleaning--yes, I know everything happens while I'm cleaning!--I found a Get Well card from my grandma and I teared up. It came earlier this summer when I was having all the neck and shoulder trouble and her writing was pretty darn neat. Now, she won't be writing me anytime soon, let alone talk. Now, with all the problems she's encountered since losing her soulmate, maybe it's a good thing if I never find mine! But, I'll keep looking :)

I Vant to Be Alone!

2005-11-12T09:39:00.000-06:00

No, not really. I hate being alone but I don't like people that much lately either! My brain sends signals...."Come closer and get to know me...No, No, you're too close now!!" How goofy is that?

One of my challenges for myself is to do something OUTSIDE of the home DAILY involving people. So talking to friends online or by phone just does not count! I don't have any close friends in town and my family and I are not at a good spot (AGAIN), so this assignment is really tough. Yesterday, I went to Barnes and Noble ALONE. The place was PACKED!! I felt like all the eyes were on me. Fighting the urge to turn around and flee, I began to peruse the shelves. My anxiety was kicking in overtime and I felt pretty queasy. The feelings finally subsided...I even made EYE CONTACT with other people. Holy snikeys!! I found a couple of interesting books and found a nice place to start reading and people watch.

There was this girl who sat down at the table next to me. She just seemed so confident and sure of herself. She received a phone call from someone close to her and said, "I'm enjoying my me time right now. I like to be ALONE! But, I promise I'll do something with you later." Dang, I wanted to be her for awhile. First of all, if I received a call from anybody requesting my presence, I'd be hightailing it over there because my mind would say, "If you don't now, you'll never be asked again." Second, I just wanted her overall attitude she conveyed. I wish I could just trap it into a bottle, make a potion, and use a little whenever I needed it.

I ended up staying at B&N for 3 hours!! Shockingly, I did end up enjoying myself and didn't feel like the odd girl in the place. Believe me, that is progress! You can bet I'll be going there again soon.

Definition of Gigglepuss

2005-11-10T18:08:00.000-06:00

Yes!!! This is exactly how I would define my nickname :) And believe me, I had the worst case of inappropriate, uncontrollable giggling during my group that I go to :) I'm journalling about it as we speak, and I'll be sharing the details in my new blog (which is ready, even if not pretty, and will be unveiled on Saturday after I get a few more posts typed!)

In other news, I actually gained 2 pounds this week...my first gain in months!! It must have been the fast food my family fed me during my last hiatus! Sigh :( But, I am back to walking daily and dragging myself out of bed, so I know this won't be the beginning of the end of my loss.

Shut Up Already!!

2005-11-09T00:47:00.000-06:00

Ever know someone who just tells you a bit too much about their personal life and you just want to plug your ears, run away, or shake them to be quiet? Sure, I'm curious at first...but then the convo just goes to a place I don't want to think about!!! Arrrrgh!!

My grandma is still hanging in there...the medical situation is still pretty precarious. And, I'm not so sure grams wants to keep fighting. I just really wish I would have had another good conversation with her before things started really going down the tubes. Geez, the last time I saw her, she chatted like normal and now her speech is mainly just "mmmmmm". I think my last visit was only about a month ago...and I would have visited more if my relationship with my family wasn't rocky and there was always a fuss when I was around. And two weeks ago, at the beginning of my hiatus from the internet, I was asked if I wanted to go see grandma before I left. I was in a rush so I said I'll go see her later. Of course, then my mom tells me after the fact that grandma had requested to see me and kept asking about me. Why didn't the family bother to tell me that part before it was too late??? She sure can't ask for me now. Ohhhh, I'm feeling major guilt about that.

New blog update: Still didn't get the chance to make the final touches on it! So, I'll have it finished by Friday.

Life Happens When You're Making Other Plans

2005-11-07T22:35:00.000-06:00

New blog still coming....more important health/fitness info here coming...my house key is hiding :) Yes, I lose it every other day, but it still frustrates me every single time!!

My excuse for the day: I just got home from seeing my grandma in the hospital. And, it doesn't sound too good...she's went downhill fast!! And now, her kidneys are down to only 8% functioning. But, the doc said that she doesn't have Alzheimer's as previously believed....just good ol' depression...which still confuses me on why exactly she no longer can speak and she was fine only a month or so ago in that area. But dang, if that is what depression can do, I need to get a grip!!

Sigh. I'll start gripping tomorrow :)

A Day Late Already!

2005-11-07T01:23:00.000-06:00

Egads, I said I'd be here daily, and I'm a bit late. I had an "assignment" to do for a new group of mine, and it took forever!! So much for getting that new journal up today! I shall work on getting that ready tomorrow and will email you that have asked so far once I have the link.

Man, I have so much I want to share about the day but it is late and I have to be up early for my class tomorrow. So, it'll have to wait one day.

One thing I will say: Mood/health-related weight-loss rocks!! After the consistent losses for months, I am not worried so much about it creeping back on anymore. I love dropping clothing sizes since that is about the only way I can tell it's going away. I still see blob everytime I look in the mirror. I am so grateful for a gal that sent me some clothes she grew out of awhile back that were 2 or 3 sizes too small for me then. Now, they fit great, if not a little loose. A pair of Old Navy dress pants, corduroys, and a LB pair are now officially a part of the wardrobe so I can quit having to hike up my own baggy pants. I am so ready for a real shopping trip...maybe it's time for a part-time job in retail so I can get discounts :)

That Says It All

2005-11-05T22:40:00.000-06:00

Wow, sometimes song lyrics can really grab me. Now, this is not describing me and a certain boy...more of my own internal struggle against my negative thoughts that I was losing for a bit there.

Addicted--Kelly Clarkson

It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let
You have all the power
It's like the only company I seek
Is misery all around

It's like you're a leach
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you
Have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna
Quit you over time

And yep, I've made up my mind that I'm going elsewhere with the big non-fitness related journaling stuff. This area will remain fitness and general fluff :) So, if you'd like a link for the deep end, leave a comment and I'll let ya know where it is.

Vacation...Had to Get Away...

2005-11-04T20:20:00.000-06:00

Another lapse in my posting for over a week! And this time, I was really really gone. As in absolutely no computer access...wasn't even near my laptop...in over a darn week!! Trying to catch up on my favorite blog reading is killing me now, but I didn't miss being away from the net at all. Wow!

I am still gathering my thoughts and deciding what to share...and how to say it... Shocker, I really don't share EVERYTHING about my life here. I'm debating going to another blog about this particular subject...I think it's that important but there I do want a little bit of privacy about this issue (maybe even password-protected). Some people a little close to me read this blog (still not sure how I feel about that), and some things just can't be for their eyes. Of course, they already know what I just went through in general, but they aren't going to get to know the nitty gritty. Maybe that sounds odd...I feel a bit more comfortable sharing with acquaintances than family. Well, I'm a strange duck, so there!

One of my daily assignments is to journal daily, so you'll get to benefit from that (well, at least the trees will since I won't be wasting paper!) And if I do decide to go elsewhere for my other "crud" and you have an inkling of interest, I will post and you can email me for a link. If I stay here, look for a nice lengthy explanation tomorrow.

I'll Sell This Bugger Right Now!

2005-10-22T00:29:00.000-06:00

Blah, Blah, Blah. Yeah, this week is truly exciting. Well the tiff with my roommate was a big highlight. My sleep is still totally wonky, and my mood is swinging all over the dang place. I have had some intense thoughts while experiencing the high, sleep deprived moments though. As in, I'm going to move. Well, obviously, I shall be in another month before that wedding takes place. I've decided that I'm REALLY MOVING...like out of state...after I finish my program. I need a big change to really shake me up. I seriously need to get away from my family...I need more cultural stimulation...I need to find more people my age that I can have a decent conversation with. It just isn't happening here. If I can find a program similar to the one I'm starting next year in another state (which I'm still searching for!), the move will take place then. If not, add a year to it. Now, I love the midwest...possibly Minneapolis or Chicago....east coast also sounds interesting...Denver area also was cool the last time I visited. I still have a lot of time to think about it, but I surely am going to take that leap. And this is the time....before I get attached to anyone too seriously, no kids, not in love with my job.

When I do sleep, I've been having dang good dreams that I actually can remember and I hate when my body makes me wake. Last night, I had a nice one...working in the medical profession (not sure if I was a doc or what!)...thinner...my own place somewhere new (my parents even called me in the dream saying they missed me--which was quite a shocker)...good hair (when does that ever happen for me)...and had a big ol' makeout session with a guy that I've never met so far in life. Oh yeah, and he adored me and could sing! Yes, I still would like to hold out for a man with a voice...Paul attempted and royally sucked but he thought he was the greatest...recycled man of the moment is a trombone player but I don't think he can carry much of a tune vocally. I so wish I could have Part 2 tonight!

Finally, swiping this from Wendy...

My blog is worth $28,791.54.
How much is your blog worth?

TTFN!

Insert Witty Title Here

2005-10-16T14:28:00.000-06:00

Band Bus Tragedy

Sigh. This story just really hit home for me. Poor guys...going home to celebrate a third place victory and getting hit by a semi. I've had the pleasure (or displeasure?) of riding the chartered bus for band or other school activities a zillion times over the years. Must say, I've had nightmares about something just like this occasionally. The worst I've ever experienced is a flat tire, though. My thoughts are with those students and their families.

Well anyways, I've had a nice little weekend :) My little visitor finally chilled out and my human visitor was a nice diversion from the doledrums. All signs point to a repeat visit again, and that's all I'm going to say at this point! No need for me to jinx anything! Only a few hours gone, and the blues are back hitting me full blast. It's time to finally do something about that.

Step One: Heading out for a walk right now!

I'll conquer everything else after that :)

TMI

2005-10-12T05:11:00.000-06:00

WARNING: Men may not want to read the first part of this post :)

Arrrrgh, Aunt Flo is back with a vengeance! I can't sleep any darn longer or I'll soak through another outfit. For the past several hours, I've had to change my coverage every hour if not sooner. Boy, nothing beats the feeling that I'm peeing in my pants and it's not coming from that hole (there's the TMI for you!) My tummy wants to explode and now I'm feeling quite woozy...most likely due to the blood loss. Time for more bananas :) Blah, I hate dealing with this! These birth control pills just aren't doing the trick with my cycle. My hormones must be seriously out of whack or this is just a bad side effect from medication...but man, I'm sick of compounded problems!

Good news front: I get a visitor this weekend (of the male species!) I was invited to go up to his place last weekend but couldn't due to car issues and other plans (that didn't end up happening and I'm still very pissed about.) We've been chatting by phone and the net, but he hasn't seen me in person for about six years! Yikes! I am doing my best not to freak out about what will happen. I'm not worried about my size since the scale says I'm smaller than when we were together...I'm just curious about his intentions. After the first day of chatting again, we have teased each other about some "not just friendslike" subjects (and I need to thank the wise Aussie dude I'll never meet for getting me to open up about that stuff and enduring some nicknames!) I've picked up some vibes that lead me to think that maybe he "like-likes me" (Ha! How middle school!) again. But, he isn't blatantly obvious about it...

How do I feel about this possibility? If you asked me at beginning of August, I'd have said, "Are you nuts? I won't be ready for years!" And with a guy who has already rode the Gigglepuss Coaster? Sounds like a horrible idea, right? Well, what can I say? He's dethawing my frozen heart. He makes me laugh so much and never makes me feel like a shit. In fact, he was always a good guy...I really took him for granted back then. So, I'm really anxious about what might happen...nervous about bringing up how I'm starting to really feel....worried that I'm misreading his signals.... OOOOOOHHHH, I'M SO SCREWED!!

The Pit Redux!

2005-10-07T11:39:00.000-06:00

Feeling like updating is a step in the right direction!!

Oy, I am pooped!!! I have now half of my room clean after having to search for my camera battery charger. Cleaning doesn't suck so much after you get in a groove. My sister, who doesn't do anything for anybody unless she gets something beneficial, called me at 5 am to ask for it! Now, when I get a call at that time in the morning, I figure it's an emergency. Oh noooooooo, of course not! Yesterday, I let her borrow my camera so she could take pictures of her play, and of course, she wore out the darn thing.

As it always goes, the battery charger magically appears in the very last possible area of my room. I found it after locating a bunch of things I forgot about or had accounted at being gone for good. Items include:

A walkie-talkie
The dress shoes I couldn't find for my Orlando trip
A name badge from a place I hadn't worked in years
An old set of birth control pills
A sweatshirt from my last athletic event
Two pairs of blue jeans I loved but now are too big!
Clarinet reeds

If only I could find my second set of house keys (since my first ones have now decided to vanish) and my brain, I'd be ready to conquer the world!

Wedding Envy??

2005-10-04T11:57:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm still working on getting my head back in the right place. No, I haven't set up an appointment yet, but I will as soon as I'm back to working which should be this week! I must say, this weight loss does help my mood...the pounds keep slipping off somehow.

Anyways, I need to get out of the house more often in order to avoid wedding chat! I am about to seriously gag :) Who knew planning was so time-consuming? Well, I suppose the three-month time frame my roommate is facing really is tough. She'll be married and she won't even have known the man for a year yet! I guess when you know, you know! She even has changed the ringer on her cell phone to a wedding-themed one. I'm sure you all can guess it! The phone rings quite a bit, so I'm a bit tired of the song.

When the subject isn't the wedding, it goes to family planning! One day, she had a random thought and called her future hubby to share "Gosh, we could start right away with baby making since my sister-in-law wants to start a daycare!" Oy!! Whenever I get married, I'd like to adjust to married life first for maybe a year before I start trying to pop one out. Well that answer could change if I don't find the right man until I'm 39.5 years old :)

Would all this frustrate me so much if I was in lovey-dovey bliss? Oh, heck yeah! I'm uually pretty accomodating, but man, is there anything else to talk about besides the big day? Like nail polish colors, best TV shows of the season, or even the Supreme Court justice nominee? Gosh, I could go on for quite a bit about the last two :) One of my guy friends said, "We'll just get engaged and then you talking incessantly about it may give her the hint!" Ha! Of course, this is a joke (key point for family members still reading! Grrrrrrr!) but it probably would work. Now all of you bloggers getting married and having babies, I enjoy reading your stories! I devour all your words and save some in my memory files for future reference. It's just my roommate chat that drives me insane.

I just need to keep repeating...Only THREE more months! SERENITY NOW!!

Holy Shizznit!!

2005-09-14T03:55:00.000-06:00

Can't sleep! Haven't been able to for the past couple weeks...at least not at normal times! Maybe if I lived in Australia, I'd be awake at a normal hour with other people! If memory serves, it's late afternoon there right now. Why do I know this? I'm full of random useless knowledge :)

So, since this is supposed to be primarily my "weight loss" blog, I about blew my mind when I stepped on the scale this morning! Woooooo...only 25 pounds until I hit my high school weight. At least, I think that is...I more or less avoided the scale back then. I know I've been trying to lose, and I have tried to visualize it, but in the back of my mind, I honestly didn't know if I'd get to this point. Still more to go, but this has really spurred me on to reach my final goal. Might as well admit it...I had a little bit more than 100 pounds to lose. OK, I'm coming clean...it was 128 pounds exactly to get to "my goal" since starting this blog...and I had already shed about 15 before that. I've lost and gained a bunch, and then lost, gained a few, and now finally consistently losing. And how much have I lost??

....Drumroll....

78 Freaking Pounds!! I'm over halfway there! And if I add that extra, I've shed a good sized elementary school kid. Wow! Have I noticed the change in my body? Really, I haven't until the last 30 pounds. I notice it in my face, my caboose, and a roll near my tummy is about gone. (Notice I say, a roll...) I can't wait to see me at goal...I can't even imagine what I'll look like...I've been round and puffy since probably 3rd grade when it really became apparent. Will I be a hottie to make the men drool? LOL! I'm trying to picture me at my sister's weight...she looks good and she's heavier than my goal. We share the mom gene...so I have hopes! I've been told I have a pretty face and a good rack, but I'm ready for a "real" compliment :)

On a serious note, my family has bugged me about something, but I didn't want to agree with their opinion. After reading up and taking some evaluations, I'm pretty sure I'm going through a bout of major depression, a lot of it due to feeling crappy and some other factors too. I just don't have the urge to be a functional human. I don't feel like getting out of bed...have missed work...not being able to sleep or sleeping too much...totally wish pajamas were acceptable outdoors! (Zara, I'm joining you in sporting that look!) I bottle a ton of stuff inside, so I'm sure that doesn't help my mood. But dang, I can still laugh and have fun...I just feel like I'm just going through the motions or faking it a bit more when I do have to be in contact with others. Yeah, the thing with P messed me up a bit, but I have a new friend that is helping me get back to my old self...whatever that is. But, I'm still just not happy.

So, I'm going to call one of the psychiatrists my new doctor gave me and figure out what to do. Her referral had nothing to do with the depression...it had more to do with my pap smear freakout (you don't wanna know) and what contributed to it. I'm hopeful that this will help. I've had many deep dark bouts of the blues before...back in college when I was under stress...a few years ago...and now again. I have to put a stop to it. Trying to pull myself out is just not working. It is finally time to fix my inside!

And wouldn't you know it, the crimson wave hit me again, a week after it stopped. Oh joy!

Well, there it is. The good and the bad. Nice healthy mix :)

PS---The Biggest Loser rocks! Wish I had those trainers pushing me.

Cosmetically Challenged

2005-09-07T10:54:00.000-06:00

LOL, I so knew my sisters were reading here again :) Had the most interesting convo with my mom a few days ago..."So, I hear from the girls that you're talking to someone from school?" Freaking hilarious. Instead of actually calling me to find out how I am, they investigate here :) So to clarify, nooooooooooo we aren't a couple, but I'm having a lot of fun chatting with him again. I'm happy, and that's a big change. I'm not entertaining getting involved again (ok, the subject has jokingly been tossed out there). So, dear sisters, get the rumors right :)

Anywho, I've decided that I'm lacking a "girly girl" gene. On a whim, I decided to paint my nails. I own a whole two bottles of polish and I was extremely bored. I have the worst luck when applying the gunk..either I end up with some thick spots or get it everywhere but the nail. This time, it worked out well...the toes still look great, but I chipped my fingernail quickly afterwards. And then once a chip starts, I get the urge to keep peeling away. Before the day was done, only a few hints of color remained on my fingers. Also, is there something I don't know about keeping polish in the refrigerator? My roommate has 18 bottles (yep, I counted!) sitting in the fridge door.

Also, I have three different shampoo/conditioner sets that I rotate through. My roommate has about ten!! I should take a shot of the shelf in the bathroom to prove it :) Plus, she has zillions of other beauty products. I'm lucky if I remember to use my facial cleanser...not even close to empty after months. My routine in the morning is pretty much brush my hair, throw on some lip gloss, spritz on some body spray, and off I go. Once in a while, I'll stick some hair product in when I style my hair and use body lotion, but that's about it. From memory, I think my ex P even took more time to primp up than I do!

And to keep up with the health front: still have to reschedule an appointment with the doc once my Aunt Flo quits again since one of the tests gets skewed results with it going. My weight loss is finally starting to slow down (a little over 30 pounds in the past 2 months). I still feel cruddy, but I'm trying to be patient and let the doctors do their work. All in good time, I guess!

I Will Be President, Just You Wait and See

2005-08-30T12:39:00.000-06:00

Well, I have nothing to update on (since at least one of the evil sisters is visiting my blog again...oh yeah I'm on to you, don't make me block you if you try to irritate me!), but Stale Betty lead me to this...

Get your position here

More Updates :)

2005-08-27T14:24:00.000-06:00

Well, since you gals asked, I shall elaborate on my last post. I can't touch one spot because my sisters are roaming on my blog again, and I'd like to tell the family first.

First of all, my roommate is getting married in a hurry! She started emailing this guy through a dating website in April, only two months since she broke up with the man she thought was "the one". In May, they had their first official date...he lives in another state so I think they've only had a visit each month. Well last weekend, she comes home glowing after coming back from Omaha and says she's engaged! Oooh, I'm jealous. She's getting married in December already. Her honey is 9 years older and seems like a nice guy, but he has a way of telling her what to do from what I've seen. He gave an order of exactly what type and color of dress he wants her to wear for the honeymoon and some other stuff. So, he will be moving here in December...I wish them luck!

Second update: I had my first (completed) pap smear and it was horrible. I'm a wuss when it comes to that area so it certainly wasn't the doctor's fault. At least I didn't scream like the last time they attempted it. I had successfully avoided it again until now. My roommate above, age 26, just had one (her first) the same week too and she bled all over! She thinks the doc popped her cherry (she admitted she was still a virgin and I was shocked!) They had to go in twice on her because the angle of her parts. I so wish medical scientists would find a way to check that out without going in there!!

Third update: the one moley thing taken off my back ended up being a granuloma. They dug in deep to get it out and I had stitches that were just removed. He said it was a good thing that I got rid of it or else it would have kept growing bigger. I can just imagine having a huge hump on my back from it! He also said if it would have been left alone, there was a very remote chance that it could turn cancerous after years.

Fourth update: I lost another 10 pounds since starting with my new doc...still undetermined why. I haven't been this low on the scale since college. My pants don't fit anymore but I'm too broke for a shopping spree yet! I like the loss, but it's weird to lose without making an extreme attempt.

Oh what the hey, I'll tell you a bit about that other update. I have met someone who has really made me laugh more than I have in a very long time and has me going "Paul Who?". I should say remet because we did cross paths...well a bit more than that...in college. How'd we bump into each other when the main place I've been is the doctor? A Monopoly game room! Weird how something like that happens. There has been some flirting, and I've been introduced to "George" (LOL I won't even try to explain who/what that is!). It's really nice to have a good friend who knows what I'm thinking before I say it...just wish he lived a bit closer since my car is out of commission right now. If anything new happens in this area, I'll let you know.

Well, I think that covers everything! I hope I satisfied your curiosity :)

Blog Dreaming

2005-08-23T18:21:00.000-06:00

Ooh, I think I have been reading too many blogs lately. I had such a crazy dream last night about a couple of you on my blogroll. First off, I ended up moving to a new apartment (which wasn't really new, it was one that I lived in years ago) and Renee was my new roommate. We chatted a bit and we complimented each other about our furniture choices and lifestyle changes. She commiserated with me about my pap smear from hell and she wished me luck with a possible career change. I was like, "Whoa, girl! How did you know about those things? I didn't even blog about them!"

Then, after we were all settled in, Jenniy stopped by to give us an apartment warming present. We oohed and ahhed over her engagement ring and house photos. She mentioned that it was too bad I had to move since my roommate was getting married. (I have until December...she met the guy from a dating site only 4 or 5 months ago!) She then wished me luck with the cute PhD student I've been talking with. Again, I was blown away with what she knew. Before I could question her about how she found out, I was disturbed from my slumber by the phone. Grrrrrr!

Maybe that's a clue I need to update more often? Well, there's your update! Enjoy :)

Frustration!

2005-08-11T23:24:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I know I say that I'll post more...but man, my mood is in the shitter and I don't want to start a whiny, pity post. So, in order not to keep the mood chipper, I've clammed up a bit. I'm frustrated with doctors, myself, money, etc. Arrgh!!!!

There may be a light at the end of the tunnel though. I went to an internal medicine doctor that my regular GP referred me to. She knows her stuff!! I'm having a ton of things started to finally get the illness crap figured out. And a pap smear that I've been avoiding for years. (I'll share my horrors about it down the road.) Oh yeah, and getting a couple possibly cancerous cysts and a mole removed. I'm hoping it's just the run of the mill type cyst. My regular doctor never thought anything of the huge one on my back, so I guess it's better to be cautious than let it keep growing.

Weight loss: Nineteen pounds gone this month. Yes, this is all in one month...7 down since the hospital. Heck, nineteen pounds makes my smallest clothes in this decade too big...but I'm still a chubby gal! I love the loss, but of course, my doctor is worried about this too. Lovely.

So anyways, I'm exhausted...since my weight is just slipping off right now, my challenge for myself is postponed...but I'm still being a Beaker Babe :)

Sleep Deprivation for the CGB

2005-08-07T18:30:00.000-06:00

I know a lot of people who participated in the 2005 Blogathon yesterday. I think it is such a great way to have fun and make some money for charity! I know I don't have the stamina to stay up for 24 hours and write posts every 30 minutes (I can't even keep this place updated daily), but I applaud all those who participated.

Since I didn't participate, I decided to be a cheerleader for one of my favorite sites, The Chubby Girl Brigade, which raised money for Heifer International (what an appropriate charity!) CGB almost made enough money to purchase a cow to feed the hungry. Jerilyn, the gal who was the designated blogger, had the great idea to have a chatroom so we can keep her awake and give her ideas to post about! I had stopped in late in the afternoon and then came back later and stayed up till the end (well almost!) to show my support. Well, I was technically still in the chatroom, but I must have dozed off during the last 30 minutes because I woke up 30 minutes after it was finished and I was the only one there :) If you go to her site, you'll see bits and pieces of what we talked about. I had a blast and it was great to meet so many people like Colleen from The Pretty Pear, Ty from Japan, Susannah, Zippy, Maven (oh yes, I'll always think labia boils when I see your name!), Anna, and many others. Thank you all for making me chuckle and enjoy myself more than I have in ages!!

I had so much fun that I might even try to participate myself next year. I encourage all of you to think about the Blogathon and either show your support by donating or participating. You have a whole year to get ready!! And if you missed out, I believe you can still donate until Tuesday.

Tie a String

2005-08-05T14:43:00.000-06:00

I think I'm losing my mind! I'm again in the phase of losing everything again. Last night, it took me an hour to find my remote control in my room and I have the place clean! In the past week, I've also lost my keys (and found again, thank goodness), my cell phone, and a pair of shoes. Also, I have been forgetting about half the crud that I need to do...and no desire to do what I do remember. My brain is so whacked that I even have to remind myself to eat. Me? Forget to eat??? That never happens!

Why did I want to find my remote control last night? I wanted to see what the big deal is about the new show, Starved. The show was created by one who has had his own eating disorder conquer. Three of the four main characters are men. Men?!? Yes, men do go through anorexia/bulimia/overeating, but the majority of them are women...at least in my support group experience. One of the men is obsessive about his waist size and dumps detergent on his chocolate brownies to stop him from eating them. Usually, he ends up digging it out of the garbage and devouring it. Another character was a police officer who pulled over a Chinese delivery man so he could confiscate, binge, and then purge (don't know if I needed to view the vomit, thanks) the contents of the bag. I didn't enjoy the story last night, but I thought some of the portrayals of eating behaviors was right on. It was sad, but I could see myself in a few instances. This show is supposed to be a comedy...I didn't feel compelled to laugh, but I will watch it again to see what develops. I needed the control because my TV is stupid...I lost the original control for it so I haven't been able to add some channels. So just pushing the button can't get me to FX. My new control won't get me into the menu, but I can just push the buttons to get the channel. Sad, isn't it?

So, unless I amazingly misplace my laptop, I plan on updating all my weight stats finally on Monday. I haven't really stated much but occasional losses here, but I need to be more vigilant!! That way, I have a record too :)

Hallelujah!!

2005-08-02T16:39:00.000-06:00

After a week of nothing, my bowels finally decided to move! If I didn't "drop the kids at the pool" by tonight, I was going to call in the troops. I wasn't in pain and wasn't constipated at all...I guess they needed some time to form again. Blah!! Also, the three months without "Aunt Flo" were heaven, but she decided to come back with a vengeance while I was at the hospital. The nurse thought I was hemorraging at first! Nah, just my lovely whacked-out cycle. So, all bodily functions back to normal I think :) I know, TMI, moving on...

Shit, there is nothing else going on whatsoever. It must be that end of summer/almost back to school time lull. I'm thinking I better do something about that. Due to a lack of anything else, I'll end with this. For the family members who think I'm immature, check this out!! Only one year off :)

You Are 26 Years Old

26

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Settling In...

2005-07-31T20:11:00.000-06:00

I'm still adjusting to being back home. Man, after days of chicken broth and pudding, that is all I'm hungry for!! If my body can adjust to such lower calories so quickly, Allan's plan sounds a little bit easier. The temptation is too strong for me to stay away from the goodies like he does!! If I continued with the type of meals I got at the hospital, I'd never be able to stop exercising because the weight would jump up pretty quick...which is why I imagine that I'll gain something this week as I get back to the regular meal plan.

My body has been doing some crazy things this past week...my arms and legs have decided to periodically go to sleep on me even when standing! And once they wake up, the prickles last forever. I'm assuming it has to do with my potassium and blood still getting back to normal. I have a checkup on Friday, so I'll keep eating my bananas and hopefully will be great by then :)

Calorie-Burning Drink??

2005-07-30T12:02:00.000-06:00

I'm not usually on the ball with covering the news, but I just read this article and thought it was pretty darn interesting!

Coke's Calorie-Burning Enviga Slated for 2006 Debut

Wed Jul 27, 5:17 PM ET

NEW YORK Coca-Cola is planning to launch Enviga, a soda that is said to burn 50 to 100 calories just by drinking a 12-oz. serving, next year, per one executive.

Enviga, a green tea-based, caffeinated, carbonated drink, is in clinical testing and is said to speed up the user's metabolism. The beverage will target active lifestyle consumers. A Coke rep said, "Some [of our projects] may find their way to market and some may not." Studies have shown that drinking green tea may promote weight loss by stimulating the body to burn calories.

What do you all think about this? Would you be first in line to buy it if it does hit the market??

How to Lose 12 Pounds in 10 Days

2005-07-30T08:50:00.000-06:00

This is definitely not recommended!

Ignore body signals that something is a bit skewed (kidneys taking a vacation, night sweats, etc.) because you're really sick of going to the doctor and don't want to waste money to be told, "Ummmmm, what do you think we should do?"
Decide that temperatures above 90 degrees F are the PERFECT time to get in some marathon training.
Wait until stomach rebels against you with not being able to keep food down and lovely diarrhea for four days.
Faint at the toilet, wake up and can't remember how you got there, and decide to call the parents to get you to the ER.
Spend four days and three nights at the hospital, being nursed to health by IV, chicken broth, pudding, sherbet, and finally chicken mush and oatmeal before getting to go home.

So yes, I'm home with two pounds back on my body after the ordeal. My internal clock is still on hospital morning mode (5:30 am steal my blood, 6:30 take first set of vitals, 7:30 breakfast mush time) so I can't even sleep in! The ER doc thinks it may have been a bad case of gastroenteritis that has been going around and my regular doctor decides that after my summer of sick fun, I need to go see an infectious disease doctor to figure things out. Wonderful!

So anyways, I joined Renee's Labor Day Beaker Babe Challenge (and again, I do not recommend sickness as a way to get a start on it!), so I'm set for a challenge until then! That'll give me a bit more time to decide my own goals for my next Blogger year!!

The Retard Strikes Again!

2005-07-23T17:04:00.000-06:00

This afternoon, I was sick of sitting in the air conditioning. I had the wonderful idea to go for a little walk (gotta get back on that marathon track, ya know!) Well, I threw on my lightest clothes and sneakers and headed outdoors. It didn't feel too hot outside, so it looked like the perfect time to go. I walk....and walk...and walk...my feet were feeling great! (Finally had on good shoes!) I turn a corner and the sun decided to kick it up a notch. Nothing wrong with a bit more sweat, right?

So, I walk into the sun for awhile...I didn't want to turn around now! After about 3.5 miles, I felt a little cruddy and tingly so I knew it was time to get home. The last mile home was the worst!!! By the time I got to my place, my lungs were on FIRE and it was a struggle to breathe normally. I dropped onto the couch as soon as I got in the door. I've been chilling here for the past hour and I'm just finally feeling better. Just checked out the temp...99 degrees! Yes, I am the queen of retards this week. Lesson learned: bring my water bottle with me more often and be aware of the damn sun! Hopefully my brain will turn back on before this weekend is over :)

What Happened?

2005-07-19T22:21:00.000-06:00

Gosh, I try to post more but then that darn thing called life steps in yet again. For the past couple of months, my gram has been having a hard time emotionally. Hearing strange music, seeing dead or imaginary people, forgetting who people are, and making sandwiches for nobody are only a few of the strange things she has done. About a month ago, she spent a few days on the senior psych ward while they figured out her pills. She was good and then went back to the ER again after acting strangely again...due to a UTI this time. Then this week, she's back to her kooky self, no infection or pills to blame, and is up on the senior floor again. My mom's the medical expert (well a nurse at least!), so she's been the one to chat with gram's caseworker. Well, he doesn't feel comfortable having her go back home with her son and daughter-in-law, so now the family has to start looking into a nursing home. It's one of the things my grandma dreads most. Luckily, she hasn't been diagnosed with Alzheimer's...but it is possibly a milder form of dementia. Her brother's wife did have the nasty A and gram has repeatedly said she never wants to end up that way...hopefully she won't!

Looking back at my history here, next month will be my one year anniversary blogging! If it wasn't for my health issues in the past two months, my total weight loss for the year would be CRAP! This year has been such a darn roller coaster...I'm not used to so much drama. I keep thinking tomorrow will be the day my life is back to my interpretation of "normal"...and it just isn't happening yet. But, I can't just sit around so I am going to snap out of it and start taking back my life (again). Geez, it feels like I'm saying this all the time, but no matter how many times I fall, I refuse to give up. So, Monday will be Day #1 of my new challenge for myself! I'd say tomorrow, but I'm still deciding what I want to focus on and what plan I'll be following. Look for updates soon, along with progress shots (yeah, I finally found my cord so the vacation shots will be coming soon) and more fun stuff!!

The Sinister Microwave!

2005-07-13T15:54:00.000-06:00

It is official...the microwave hates me! All microwaves don't have an agenda against me, but mine at home sure does. I think this is due to me not using it for quite awhile!! It is very sensitive and isn't as precise as many of the newer ones, so I usually have to heat things for a minute or so longer than prescribed. Well, today I found a microwave healthy soup in my room and it looked pretty good for lunch. (Yes, I have decided to finally take a step back from the peanut butter!) Why was the soup in my room? I'm not quite sure...I guess I forgot to put it away when I bought it awhile back or was protecting it from the roommates who sometimes like to eat my good stuff!

So, I throw it in for 45 seconds longer than the cup said because I really didn't want cold soup. I even waited to take it out for the minute prescribed after it was done. (Zara, you are definitely not the only one who has a hard time waiting! I actually stopped myself because I thought of your post!) Then, I reach in to grab it out...BIG MISTAKE! HOT, HOT, HOT!!!! Finding a towel, I finally got it out and on the stove before the heat started seeping through. OK, no problem, I'll just wait another couple of minutes and it'll be touchable, right? WRONG! I grabbed the towel to carry it to the table and used my shirt to give it a platform to rest on so my hand wouldn't get burned again during the move. I made it a few steps with no trouble, but the soup bowl must have been in cahoots with the microwave because it decided to spill out a bit around the edge of the lid. Oh the pain! I tried to get a better grip on it, but I somehow made it tip over more and just about scalded my belly!!! So I shriek, the dogs look at me with sour expressions, and I dropped the bowl. The soup splashed my tummy, the stove, and the floor! Alas, no soup for me. And it looked all chickeny and vegetably and smelled so yummy too :(

After cleaning up myself and the mess, I had a Boca burger and some peach yogurt instead. Luckily, that food prep went without any more accidents. So the moral of this story is either "Never neglect kitchen appliances!" or "Jodi needs to hire a personal chef!"

I'm a Sheep!!

2005-07-12T21:57:00.000-06:00

Saw this on a few other blogs that I read, and I just have to join in!

Nope, nothing else substantial to say today, but I'm making a habit of posting more often again :)

Alive and Kicking!!

2005-07-11T22:21:00.000-06:00

I made it to my place and I'm fine!! Emotionally at least!! We won't talk about the physical, but peanut butter is helping me bunches. Now I know I should be watching how much I consume, but it is just too easy to slap together a peanut butter sandwich...or peanut butter and banana...or PB&J...I could go on and on. Yes, my ass is probably expanding, but it sticks in the tummy nicely (instead of trying to sneak up my throat!) :)

So, today I got another official email from the Prevention team for the marathon. I was kind of wondering if they ever received my check after almost three months!! It is my official wake-up call that I only have 4 months of training left...and yes I've been slacking. Time to get back on the horse with everything! As long as I get back to work and can afford the trip, I'm so going! Hopefully I'll have Saturdays off by then, so I won't have to ask for any vacation time...which is pretty much nonexistant after this summer!

Yes, I know, I still haven't uploaded my pictures yet from both tripsI'll hunt down my cord tomorrow and hopefully share some of them!! Until then, stay tuned!!

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jog

2005-07-07T13:36:00.000-06:00

Well, I've been back from Florida since Sunday night and am still settling in. I still need to upload my many pictures to share. I've come back a little tanner, a lot poorer, and brought home a lovely new rash too! If I knew that I wouldn't have to attend most of the seminars, I would have packed a bunch more casual clothes. I spent a lot of time at Universal and Disney...wish I would have got a chance to get to SeaWorld. I also got soaked so often...it rained everyday, but it didn't last too long.

So how'd the competition go? Arrrrrgh!!!! 11th out of 80 in accounting (some states sent their 2nd place winner too) so one short of a trophy. In computer applications (another event I could have chosen since I won it, but state rules allowed me to compete in only one event :(), the 2nd place winner got 6th in the nation. I could have brought that home! But, I have at least another year to compete...three more years if I continue on with another school that has a PBL chapter. My advisor said I should be proud because most of these people have at least a year more accounting education above me...but still, my pride is a bit hurt!

After getting home, I had a nice 4th of July with my family and extended relatives. It was nice to just chill out and not have to worry about anything for another day.

Yesterday, I went back to the doctor again. Yes, I'm sure he's sick of seeing me, but after spending the end of my trip with a rash, night sweats, and two bloody noses along with all the other old symptoms, it was time to be checked out again. I also discovered a huge bruise on my abdomen that wasn't there before I left. Still waiting for results...he is running a bunch of bloodwork, did a chest X-ray since my lymph glands seemed quite swollen, and is also checking for West Nile virus (hello, I haven't been bit by a mosquito recently!) This whole situation is making me quite depressed...there just seems to be no end in sight. I also just don't have the energy to do much of anything...everything is such an effort! I haven't went to my own home yet either...my sisters are sick of seeing me at their place so I know I have to go. They have yelled at me every second they can get and I know I've overstayed my welcome, but I just don't like being alone. I think it's about time to talk to another type of professional about this too...why can't I get my act together? Arrrgh!!

Well, if I don't post again soon, my sisters have either beat me into submission (LOL) or have found a way to get me committed to the looney bin!!

Is Orlando Ready for Me??

2005-06-26T23:49:00.000-06:00

As long as a doctor (NOTE-not my doctor since he can't see me until freaking Thursday) gives me the OK, I'm heading to Orlando on Tuesday! After a family function earlier in the day, I hit the mall to find some extra snooty business wear. I found a great skirt that is reversible and on sale for $10! Usually reversible makes me run away in horror, but the skirt is really cute! So that covers two days of clothing that I have to bring. I have absolutely NO idea if I'll have any free time at all...but the resort we're staying at is pretty darn snazzy! Six days and five nights at the wonderful Walt Disney Dolphin resort :) I'll have two other gals from school with me and since the national competition and conference is a huge event, we have a great group discount. I haven't done a lick of studying, but I'll do some review tomorrow to make sure I remember everything.

Health Update: Well, I'm still having some difficulties, but I'm learning how to manage with the pain. As long as I don't use my arm too much, walk around too much, eat too much, and always have some tissues for two different nose drippings, I'm ok. Still not going (ya know, #1 in the bathroom) more than once a day despite all my drinking, but it doesn't hurt or burn. TMI, I know. I am so crossing my fingers that the infection is gone, or that it was an infection, and not that other possibility.

Mental Update: No more emails from Paul's family, thank goodness. I actually have regained my sanity after the first week back from NYC. It's a bit weird not hearing my phone ring so often, but I actually don't think of him much unless my family brings him up. OK, so there are unanswered questions about what happened to him after we last spoke, but I don't really care. Who knew it would be so easy to get on with life? My parents think I'm just bottling my emotions, but I am fine! My mom even bought me a self-help book upon the recommendation of my loopy aunt. Would someone else like to tell my family that I'm not sad and pathetic?

I haven't decided if I'll bring my laptop along yet, so if I don't post the rest of the week, I'll make sure to update when I get home along with pictures!! And hopefully a trophy :)

Don't Gotta Go Right Now!

2005-06-21T17:40:00.000-06:00

Woohoo...my left hand is feeling a bit better so I'm going to write a post!

So, Friday I went back to the doctor again. I think his second marriage has made him a bit kooky...he wears bright shirts and just seems loopy overall lately. But then again, it's been over a year since I've seen him before this last bout of yuck. I go there due to the lack of my hand listening to me, back pain, and a fever that decided to play havoc as well last week. Also, I had a creepy rash that started (later determined by him to be petechiae.) The headache and dizziness came back too. Yeah, when I get sick, I go all the way! So, I go get my blood drawn for a CBC and other crud, do the pee in a cup fun, and have a sinus X-ray. Well, my white blood cells were extremely high and they were also in my urine. Yep, I have a lovely kidney infection. Since then, I've just about lost the urge to urinate despite forcing down the fluids. Lovely! He is still concerned about the WBCs being elevated and the petechiae so I'm supposed to go in again on Friday. Yippee! I'm hoping the antibiotics kill it and his extra worry is nothing.

Good news...my Florida trip is set and I'm leaving on Tuesday. Well, I hope I will still get to go! I've never been to Florida before and we're staying at one of the Walt Disney World resorts. I need to crack open my accounting book in order to prepare for the big competition. I'm not looking forward to dressing up every day with the heat. It's already humid and about 80 here...I can only imagine what it's like there! Crossing my fingers everything works out! Then, I can go and refocus on the marathon...the weight loss has been actually easy the past month!

I'm Alive...

2005-06-17T09:29:00.000-06:00

This post will be short! Muscles and joints are acting up...can barely use my left hand, all joints ache, and I have a weird pin-prick rash and fever that popped up in the past few days. I also had an allergic reaction to the muscle relaxant given which gave me another fun ER trip in the past week. Blah! Will be going to the doctor (AGAIN) later today! I want this to be over NOW!

Waving From Hell!!

2005-06-05T12:44:00.000-06:00

Wow, it's June already!! The NYC Challenge is over, the Belly Buster is over, and the Blogger Fat Off is wrapping up by the end of the month, so it's time for another challenge to keep me going. I must admit, the past couple of weeks haven't been the smoothest due to personal troubles and physical pains...why do I let that get in the way?? Arrrgh! So, I'm going to be developing a new goal for the rest of the summer sometime this week. I have to analyze my stats and figure out what I want to work on now.

I'm still dealing with Paul aftermath. If I receive one more email from a member of his family, I'll crack! I won't go into too many details...but I am SOOOOOOO glad I'm through with him after the totally fucked-up story I've been told to make me feel guilty. I know the story isn't true...so I'm not going to respond to the notes/calls until they get tired and stop the stupid charade. And if for some reason the story about Paul's condition now is true (which it totally isn't because I know how to verify information), let him freaking haunt me. I DARE YOU!!

Finally, tomorrow I start back to my marathon training. After walking miles and miles through NYC, I know one of my pairs of shoes aren't going to work for the MCM. I have some beautiful blisters to prove it!! So, looks like I'll be doing some more actual road testing :)

Three Things...

2005-06-02T09:30:00.000-06:00

I've been tagged by Marta! Yet another 3 Things meme:

3 names I go by:
- Jodi
- Gigglepuss
- Jods

3 screen names I've had:
- msgigglepuss
- clar1425
- drjlr318

3 physical things I like about myself:
- my eyes
- my ankles
- my fingers

3 parts of my heritage:
- German
- Pennyslvania Dutch
- American Indian

3 things I am wearing right now:
- pink t-shirt
- grey workout capris with pink running stripe
- Curvations pink flowered bra (yes, all clothing matches today!)

3 favorite bands/musical artists:
- John Mayer
- Rob Thomas
- Dave Matthews Band

3 favorite songs:
- My Favorite Mistake by Sheryl Crow
- Mr. Brightside by The Killers
- Rich Girl by Gwen Stefani

3 things I want in a relationship:
- TRUST/HONESTY
- good taste in music
- a sense of humor

3 physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to me:
- hands
- eyes
- smile

3 favorite hobbies:
- watching movies
- reading blogs
- shopping (with or without money!)

3 Things I want to do badly right now:
- take a trip around the world
- win a substantial amount of money in the lottery
- find a job that I love more than half the time

3 things that scare me:
- deep water/drowning
- never being completely happy again
- cancer

3 of my everyday essentials:
- food
- water
- music

3 Careers you have considered or are considering:
- trapeze artist
- pediatrician
- human resource manager

3 places you want to go on vacation:
- Australia
- France
- London

3 kids' names you like:
- Kaitlyn
- Madeline (Maddie for short)
- Zach

3 things you want to do before you die:
- finish school
- get married and have children
- own my own home

3 ways I am stereotypically a boy:
- I'm messy
- I don't enjoy cooking
- I'm competitive

3 ways I am stereotypically a girl:
- I hold grudges
- I like to shop
- I love pink and purple

3 celeb crushes:
- George Clooney (sure he's old, but he's still hot!)
- Matthew McConaughey
- Hugh Jackman

Ok, my turn to tag 3 people!! Jenniy, Dazed, and Kristi are it!!

Back From NYC!

2005-06-01T10:04:00.000-06:00

I am back from vacation! I hung out with seven great people from my LO team on Ediets for the majority of the time...and they were AWESOME! It is amazing...we all have such different personalities and live nowhere near each other but we all clicked! There was no awkwardness or dull moments and we acted like we've known each other forever. Well, we have known each other quite awhile, but only by what we share with the team. Amazingly, everybody was exactly how I'd imagined them...no surprises at all! I have so many pictures that I want to share once I get my cord. I just wish I could hang out with these folks in person everyday...I truly count them as my closest friends after this weekend.

One of the coolest places we went to was the Museum of Sex :) It was a hoot! One of the exhibits went through the history of porn movies with clips...the old ones are hilarious! One was about a guy asking a gal to "breathe" on his cock...requesting "more...More...MORE!!" They also had some crazy contraptions like the "Monkey Rocker" and the "Drillomatic" (not quite sure of the name but click the link to check out the picture). There was also a site where you can add your own sex stories...we added a whopper one to the state of Maine. We also went to an off-Broadway production of "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change", saw the Statue of Liberty, walked through Central Park and the Metropolitan Museum of Art, made it to the top of the Empire State Building, did a ton of walking and shopping, and drank a bit too much.

Another cool thing: we decided to go as a group for a psychic reading. We were a bit drunk and saw a special a few doors down from the hotel. By reading my palm and telling one wish, she said I'll have a long life, my best months are September, October, and November, I'll find my dark-haired soulmate this fall, have two kids, I should keep a fair-haired man in my past because things will never go the way I want, and should go back into the medical field. I'm taking all this information lightly, but it sure was interesting. She was so worried about one of our members that she wanted to counsel her for another week by phone :) She must have sensed that she had the most money...Ha!

Oh yeah, and the big thing...Paul and I are done. Over. Forever. I'm still trying to get a grip on the situation...the whole thing was odd and there are some things I still need to figure out. I've been told some new information as well and I still am trying to clarify some crap. Once I've figured it out, I'll share. Right now, I'm going through the emotions of anger and then guilt...at least I won't have him to stress about anymore. I'm ready to see what will happen in the next chapter of my life. There is so much to look forward to and I know I'll be just fine!

Kissing Frogs

2005-05-21T19:50:00.000-06:00

Only four more days till NYC! I'm freaking out just a bit. I've been there enough, but I'm not at all looking forward to what I might be doing by the end of the trip. Right now, there is a 55% chance that I'll be saying bye to Paul...for good. I've went through the pros and cons, and the cons are winning.

The main thing bugging me about him right now has to do with trust and jealousy. Lately, let's be honest, probably for the past year, I just get the vibe that he isn't being all that truthful about some sensitive subjects. When he changes plans, I wonder what really came up. He spends an awful lot of time with a female friend that has already let her intentions towards him known too. He swears up and down how he turns her flat down when it comes to that...I dunno. I was told by his cousin by e-mail yesterday that he got into a car accident, had a concussion, and is in the hospital, and my first reaction that I had to quell is "Prove It!" (Backstory: his plan was to come up this weekend and then we'd fly to NYC together on Wednesday. This way, he gets out of coming here again!) Geez, am I a horrible person for thinking such thoughts! I must be the worst girlfriend ever! My gut is telling me to cut the strings. Plus, as I've said before, my feelings have changed quite a bit. I have all these plans and I just don't see how he fits in anymore. When we talk on the phone, my mind wanders and I get a bit bored. When I say "I love you too" (he always says it first), I feel a bit like I'm just saying the words because that is part of the routine we have...not necessarily because I feel it. At times, I love him...but I'm questioning why a lot more. This could be the distance getting to me, but I have a strong feeling being together isn't going to change it either.

I'm really scared about the possibility of dumping him. This is mainly due to the time I've spent on the darn relationship...over five years and what do I have to show for it? I can't really say I've forgotten how to be single due to being apart for a bit now, but it just makes me feel like I've wasted some major time out of the dating pool. And, I know there is a ring waiting for me...feeling a bit of guilt for not trying to make it work anymore. But then again, I'm having some trouble trying to come up with how he has tried to keep it going lately besides the consistent phone calls. Why should I have to make all the major changes in my life to fit him? I love my school, my work isn't horrible, and all my family is in the midwest...I'd rarely get to see them anymore. Is Paul's love really enough to get me to finally commit to moving? Do I see myself in love with him after another 5 years? Or would we drift further apart... Of course, if he sweeps me off my feet again and the visit reminds me why I'm with him and why I love(d?) him, there will be a different story when I get back.

One of my friends that I'll be seeing in NYC talks a lot about her experience with "kissing frogs". I'm a bit scared of venturing into doing that again. It took me sooooo long to find him...he has only been my second serious boyfriend (as in lasting more than nine months) and there were only a couple non-serious ones before them. With the extra weight, it takes a special person to look past it. I'm sure there are plenty of men who don't mind, but they just don't seem to live here! Then again, with my busy schedule for the next year, it might be good to spend some time to completely focus on me instead of giving so much of myself to others and trying to impress some dumb guy. That way, I can figure out what I really want and not settle for less.

Sorry, there is no weight update! I didn't get to WW on Thursday and overslept the past two days...I vow to before I leave town next week though. My scale is telling me I gained a pound, which I expected. Eating later than usual and less exercise can do that!

I'm Doing It!

2005-05-19T09:54:00.000-06:00

Good news...Doppler came back normal. Headaches gone. Still some dizziness and cramping in my arms, chest, and a bit in the neck but hopefully will clear up with physical therapy or some other route not yet explored.

So, at 10:25 PM on Tuesday night, I decided I WILL do the Marine Corps Marathon. Nothing like leaving decisions till the last minute! So, my registration is postmarked on time and I'm ready to go! I've been checking out hotels and flights in the Washington DC area. Anybody from around there have any good suggestions? I am really excited about the prospect of doing this. I figured out that I need an average of 14 minute miles up to mile 20 if I don't want to get stopped at that point. It doesn't sound too bad...but I'm still building up my endurance and haven't went that far in training yet. So, we'll see how it goes. I've also checked out the Rock N Roll Marathon for next year...it sounds like it would be a fun one too. I must be crazy!

I'm also getting ready to head to WW today. I've missed the past 2 weeks with being ill, but the doctor's scale has shown me good things...I have a feeling a bit of the big loss last week will be back to visit today. Boo! But, it will still be less than my last official weigh-in there! If I don't gain and the scale agrees with the doc, I'll get my 10 pound sticker :) The weight might not be just falling off me, but I think I'm doing it right this time and the changes will stick.

I'm thinking about moving my little blog elsewhere...Blogger has been great, but I'd like to be able to do a bit more...I'll let you know if I decide to make the leap!

Waiting...

2005-05-16T15:46:00.000-06:00

I'm waiting for the doctor to call me with results...and I'm getting darn impatient!! I'm ready to get back to cardio and marathon training!

Sitting on the fence...I need to turn in my marathon registration by tomorrow. What is holding me back? It isn't that expensive to enter except for the hotel and airline arrangements. I guess I'm just scared about actually performing. I have been doing the training so far except for the past two weeks...I feel like I'll make a fool of myself there. I imagine people thinking "What in the world are you trying this for?" or "You don't belong in this marathon! Better have the medics follow right behind you!" And if you don't get to mile 20 by a certain time, you'll be shuttled to the finish line. I don't want to get stuck on the loser bus! But, I'm also really excited about the prospect of doing it. Also, I've never been to Washington, D.C. and would really like to see the touristy stuff while there. My motivated self and my low esteem self are fighting a major battle. And then again, what if there is something wrong with my heart? That could put a damper on this whole plan.

Finally, I wish I'd never have to deal with men again after this weekend! Got into a huge fight with my stepdad and a tiff with Paul (yes again! Give me strength to make it another 10 days until I see him and then figure out where my head is!) I'm about ready to avoid contact with anyone from the opposite sex for as long as possible!

In the Home Stretch!!

2005-05-12T13:54:00.000-06:00

OMG...I am finally feeling halfway OK. Well, my neck isn't as stiff and my head doesn't hurt as much. Dizziness and nausea and blurry vision still pretty darn persistent, but I can almost deal with that. I was supposed to go to the PT today, but there was a sign saying they were closed for the rest of the afternoon. I expected a courtesy call since I did have a scheduled appointment, so I'll have to call tomorrow to reschedule.

So, as I said in the last post, another PT was going to take a look at me on Tuesday. She did an ultrasound of my neck, used a big tingling cushion thing on me, and had me do some neck exercises. She told me to have a checkup with my doctor ASAP because she thinks it may be artery related, as the other PT had guessed. Yesterday, I went back to my doctor and sat there for quite awhile waiting for him. In the next room, I heard him admitting another patient to the hospital so that was understandable. I just hoped he had his brain on this time. Last week, I noticed he wrote my prescription in my mom's name when I got to the car and had to get that fixed. He came in, asked how I felt, asked about new symptoms (cramping in chest and shoulder ever since Saturday after a morphine injection), and had the PT's report (thank goodness he actually had read that) in front of him. He scanned it over, excused himself to quickly call the PT again to go over something, came back and scheduled a Doppler ultrasound of my neck to check out the artery theory.

Also awesome news: I haven't been really eating the most healthy or exercising at all except for the movement at PT, but the nurse at the doctor's office commented that I lost 4 pounds in the past week! Yeehaw!

I had the Doppler done today...I could view the screen while the technician was checking out my neck. When she had me turn the stiff way, something looked a bit different than when she did the other side. I thought I saw something that looked like a chunk of dark in the way of blood flow...not totally occluding it...and there was a portion that didn't make a whoosh loud sound as much as the other spots. But, that is just my opinion and I don't know much about it. The technician figured I'd have results by Monday if not tomorrow.

And thank goodness, I have heard back from most of my teachers about finals! Due to being told not to drive or work yet, I've had to rely on my parents to get me places. Since I'm feeling a bit better, I have my last tests rescheduled for tomorrow. I didn't have to give my last speech in my one class because just turning in the take-home final will give me an A. In business law, I only have to get 20 questions right out of 96 for an A there. In personal finance, I'm taking the final tomorrow...I had an A and I don't think it should be too hard. I still haven't heard back from my accounting or computer teacher but I had a strong A in both of those classes...I hope I hear back today. Also, thank goodness they aren't doing the grade deduction for missing class the past week!

Also, remember when I had mentioned about walking the Marine Corps Marathon? Well, I decided to take my chances and not register until I got notice from Prevention magazine. I was sent an email last week and was told slots would be given by order of response...only 100 available and lots were interested. Well, I was granted a slot! So, as long as I get the registration submitted within seven days, I can participate. I really would like to, but I don't know if it will still play out ok with school and work. I'll have to make a decision quick!

Another Shi**y Post

2005-05-09T06:15:00.000-06:00

I am going to keep this as upbeat as possible. Good stuff...down another 0.5 pounds according to the doctor's scale...which is usually higher than every other scale in the world...but I don't have access to my other scale right now! So, we'll go with that.

I'm feeling confident that the head and neck pain, muscle spasms, dizziness, coughing, and blurry vision cause will be figured out this week because I'm really sick of doctors. I went to the PT on Thursday and will be going again on Tuesday and tentatively scheduled for Thursday. She determined that I am tense and tight, but doesn't believe it's due to a nerve compression. She's having another more experienced PT look at me on Tuesday...she said I may end up going back to my regular doctor because there may be an underlying cause still. The neck massage was great and it did loosen up my neck a bit...but the pain is still there. On Saturday night, I blacked out and was brought back to the ER. The doc gave me some stronger drugs, did another CAT scan of the head (what about a neck or back x-ray possibly??), ran some blood work, kind of ignored my coughing spasms, and sent me home. So, this week just has to be better, right?

My talented sister just got back from the regional AACT Fest yesterday. Unfortunately, they did not win but got some great comments. A person from another city came up to her and wants her to perform with his group over the summer. I really would like to get involved with performing in some way again...I just need to find the time! Another thing to put on the "To Do" list...

I Want My Week Back!

2005-05-06T06:37:00.000-06:00

This week just really sucks! I want to start the week over immediately with no pain, no trips to the bathroom, and no darn tripping and forgetting things. Where is my Fairy Godmother?

Well anyways, I do not have AVM. And from what I've read, thank goodness!! I went to my regular doctor for a follow-up on Wednesday to see what else might be up. What really irks me is that I couldn't go on Tuesday like I was supposed to because the report wasn't ready. And when I get to my appointment and tell him all that was done, my doctor said, "Really? So did they give you paperwork?" Blah, blah, blah. Then, he finally looked into my chart and right on top was the information. I know doctors are busy, but geez just a little personal attention would be great. So he skimmed over it while I'm sitting there. I complained about my neck and shoulder plus of course the headaches and everything else...he feels my shoulder and neck...decides they feel tight...and tells me to set up a physical therapy appointment. He says that it might be all connected (Duh! Did I not originally say I think something is out of place?) If the sickness to my stomach, headaches, forgetfulness, and everything else isn't better in a week I'm supposed to visit him again.

He also put some worry into me..."Should we worry that you're getting what your mother has?" Now, my mother scares me about multiple sclerosis often, but I'm just a clutz to begin with so I'm not worrying about it. With his questioning, he has me wondering what in the heck put that into his head. Did he read something in the report? Am I acting funny? Arrrrgh! From what my mom said, something should have shown up in the MRI...an area of my brain wouldn't have picked up dye or something...so I'm sure he would have mentioned it, right? I'm not going to even think about it right now.

And thank goodness, I'm not an idiot! I did not lose my cell phone forever. I finally found it under the seat of my car. Now, if I could just find everything else I've misplaced over the past few days :) So hopefully, I'll feel a lot better soon...not coughing up stuff, no headaches, and being able to move my neck! I'm crossing my fingers...

My Brain Needs a Bandaid!

2005-05-04T08:40:00.000-06:00

I finally went to the emergency room on Monday night. I would have went to the afterhours clinic right after work, but I was too late! Let me tell you, after some morphine and other pain medication slipped through the IV, my stiff neck is halfway gone, but the back of my head is still killing me! I spent NINE hours there before they decided to quit poking around on me and let me go home. What finally made me decide to go? Well, my vision started getting pretty darn blurry...still is...and I kind of need to see!

The female doctor on duty did a battery of tests on me. Thank goodness for work providing me some great insurance. She worried more about my head hurting than the neck so she ordered a CT scan. Well, that test showed calcification and lesions on the parietal lobe, which could be bad or nothing really. She gets into talking about AVM or AMV or some darn abbreviation, which is bad...geez, let's just scare me while I'm pain. She also said that it most likely had nothing to do with my pain, but wanted to find out more about it anyways. So, then I get carted off to have an MRI. Haven't had one of those in about 13 years now...I must have really forgot about the noisy clanging and banging. Well, the AVM thing was ruled out I guess after that. So, just to make sure I'm not going to die due to some crazy infection, I had a lovely spinal tap. I was ready for major pain the way it was described to me, but it really wasn't so bad. That came out clear which is good. Then they checked my glucose levels which were ok. She said with all the drugs, it would be really low instead of sort of low if it was something to worry about...but really, she has no idea what it was beforehand. I'm going on her word. She gave me some major konk out drugs to go home with, ordered me to have an adult with me for 24 hours, and told me to follow up with my doctor later that day to discuss results and what would be the next step. My mom called in to schedule an appointment and was told that I couldn't be seen until today because the transcription report from the emergency room wasn't ready yet. So, I'll be going in about an hour to find out more.

So, I missed my recognition breakfast at school, missed having to give my speech, missed work (woohoo about that one), and am missing school today. Part of me wishes that I would have waited another day so I wouldn't be behind, but oh well. If all these tests add up to not helping my pain a bit, I'll be a bit ticked! I'll update again once I know more.

Owwwwwww!!

2005-05-01T13:35:00.000-06:00

The March of Dimes walk yesterday was great! The weather wasn't too chilly after we warmed up and it was fun to walk with a big group. I forgot to wear my pedometer, but I'm pretty positive the length was more like five miles and not 3.5...not that it matters! I should have worn my other shoes though because the ones I wore got a bit uncomfortable towards the end. There was quite a few checkpoints along the way offering a bunch of free food and other stuff. I stuck with the water, juice, and an energy bar. At the end, we were all served pizza and pop. With another donation that came in at the last minute yesterday, I just about made my fundraising goal. I ended up buying a sweatshirt and a bracelet at the walk too, so if you add those purchases to it, I did make goal :) After I got my slice of pizza, snow started falling out of the sky! Holy crap, I thought it was spring! Luckily, it was just flurries and didn't stick. When I left, there was still a bunch of people who hadn't finished yet. I guess they took a much more leisurely pace.

For the past few days, I've had the worst pain in my neck. I can't stand to turn my head to the left very far at all. It is just on my right side of the back of my neck and radiates into my shoulder so I must have messed it up somehow...I think I just slept wrong or if the weight of my backpack threw me out of whack. On Thursday, I was running a fever and feeling a bit sick...I'm not sure if it was due to the pain or what. If the pain doesn't subside soon, I'll go to get it checked.

Only two weeks left in the semester!! I have so much to finish by then...I need to work on my speech, set up a lame website, two regular tests, and then of course finals in all my classes as well! So, if I'm a bit scarce until then, you'll know why! I better get cracking right now!!

Are You Daft, Woman?

2005-04-29T18:31:00.000-06:00

First of all, I'll get my WW weigh-in news taken care of....down another 1.2 pounds. Slow and steady losses. I guess I shouldn't complain, but I really want one huge loss week...huge meaning at least 2 pounds. But, with only exercising half the week, I'm glad I lost anything.

So anyways, I have a supervisor at work who is very nice, but a bit artificial. She says the right things, laughs when appropriate, but it just doesn't seem genuine. She has this almost daily ritual of coming by our desk and being more "personal". Earlier this week, she decided to talk about how the weather was so nice and how she would like to do do more walking outdoors. Believe me, I heard the same line at all her other stops. After she rambled about herself, she asked me, "Do you do anything?" Maybe I'm just sensitive, but her tone sounded more...I guess kind of accusatory, like "I bet you don't do a darn thing!" then really wanting to know about my life. My head was screaming, "Are you daft, woman? Where do you get off by forming assumptions?" but I smiled and told her that I usually go to the gym until it gets warmer out. She was visibly shocked and showed real emotion when she said "You do??? So what do you do there?" Ahhh, so she's looking for proof. So, I told her a bit about my regular routine and about the class that I like (FYI--goddamn, it was cancelled again last night and I'm about ready to check out another gym if this keeps happening!) My brain was fuming mad..."And I've lost almost 50 pounds since working here and you haven't noticed anything, you darn skinny minny! Are you satisfied? If you're not, you can suck it!" Believe me, she would be the one to tell me about it because she comments on EVERYTHING. New clothes, occassional red face, new hair...nothing goes past her. *End of Rant*

But, she does do some great things for me. She knows all about how I'm doing good in school and the awards I won, so she's been looking for jobs that she thinks I'd fit into. Wednesday, she showed me one for an accountant and for an operations analyst. Both pay almost double what I am getting now. I am pretty darn sure I'd have to switch to night classes if I even was chosen. I think I'm going to apply just to see what happens...what do I have to lose? I have finally decided that I'm going to finish school here...just a year left...so I might as well do something that I might enjoy more during that time. I haven't let Paul know this yet...he still thinks I'm uprooting this summer. So unless something major happens while I'm up there in May, I'll break it to him then. I feel like a load has been lifted off my shoulders after making this decision. (EDIT: I applied for the operations analyst and staffing specialist position. After reading the descriptions, I think I'd fit great with either one!)

I've been going to the gym everyday since Sunday. Yesterday, I upped my regular walking pace to 4.0 mph...3 miles accomplished in 45 minutes! I can't believe I was crowing about running at 4.2 mph not too long ago. I'm shocked at the improvement! Instead of doing a walking marathon, I just might be running instead! I will have to look at that Couch to 5K program again and see what I accomplish. Getting fit feels so good! If only I could remember that when I procrastinate about getting to the gym :)

The Toilet is My Best Friend!

2005-04-26T11:15:00.000-06:00

Grrrrr...my computer made me lose my post! Not Blogger's fault this time! Had to make a run to the bathroom and my computer decided to lock up!

So anyways, I'm finally back to my goal of drinking half my weight in ounces of water! It's been a good while since I've accomplished this. I'm feeling a lot more awake today...not any more sleep than usual, so maybe I can attribute it to the guzzling of water. Last week, I bought the WW jug with the oz. listed on the side and the straw...it makes drinking so much easier. I had been using my regular jug with no straw and had been struggling to finish it lately. Well, water is not going to be my problem anymore! I had to get up twice last night to visit the loo, once at the gym, twice at work, and once at school. Today, I've already hit it twice while at school. Crazy!

By reading the comments, I see most of my regulars have read Jemima J. So, I'll weigh-in with my opinion. I liked the book but I didn't love it the way I loved Pride and Prejudice or In Her Shoes. I must say, some of my old daydreams about a certain someone followed the storyline almost word for word :) The book was a cute, quick, breezy read and a good diversion from homework overall. I'd love to have my world go magically perfect after weight loss, but I am realistic. Of course, I imagine that I'll get a bit more attention, but I'll still have the same regular issues to deal with! I'll still be trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, my family will still frustrate me, and the distance with Paul will still be there. Maybe more people will want to get to know me without the weight in the way, but I'd always be on my guard since I seemed pretty invisible to them before. I haven't been close to goal for years, so I truly have no idea what effect the change will have!

Sarah--Wow, you're right! I rarely do mention Paul here. I guess after all this time, he's no longer what my world revolves around. He used to pervade most of my thoughts...if I was blogging then, you wouldn't have wanted to read most of my posts! I've decided recently that I'm going to just go with the flow. Worrying about where we're heading and trying to control the future just isn't a good way to waste my time. Sing it with me---"Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be." Since adopting this attitude, my life has went a lot better. I'm less stressed, get more sleep, accomplish more at work, excel at school, and I'm no longer on a weight-loss stall. Yeehaw! Being alone isn't as awful as it used to be. If we work things out, great! If not, the sky isn't going to fall and I'll be fine.

Girl from Florida--In my lifetime, I've gained and lost 7548390547509 pounds, haven't we all? I started making small steps towards health almost two years ago when I joined Ediets. I lost about 55 pounds in six months when my gallbladder said, "Jodi, I'm going to make your life too miserable!" After getting that removed, I got lazy and a ton slowly slipped back on. Last September, I joined WW and was doing well...and then my grandpa passed away, I did some mindless eating, and quit going. So right now, I'm at 43 pounds gone...almost to where I was two years ago! I really believe that it is going to work this time. I'm successfully dealing with stressful food situations, committing to exercise, eating healthy, and of course, drinking my water. If I'm going to get to my goal, I have to really work at it...there may be bumps in the road, but I'm not going to give up.

Geez, since I'm getting all personal, I'll comment on the other comments in the last post.

Jenniy--Thanks for all your support!! I think you were one of my first commenters, and I appreciate it! All your new house details make me want to find my own dream home soon :) I'll just live vicariously through you for the time being.

Zara--LOL! Nope, no treadmill accident last night :) I can't wait until I get down to where you are right now. Reading your blog gives me a lot of insight on how to deal with situations when I'm a bit closer to goal. You're inspiring!

Marta--Ooh you slipped in there :) Girl, you're always so positive and encouraging, just like a close friend would be! The remembering to journal is tough, but I'm trying to. I still haven't figured out planning meals yet either and may never get there...I just don't have the brain power to think ahead :)

I better hurry up and end this long-winded entry before my battery dies! I need to run to the bathroom yet again, too! Extra exercise!! Ha!

Kicking 195 Pounds to the Curb

2005-04-24T14:07:00.000-06:00

I almost did it. I was this close to it. What did I almost do? I just about kicked Paul out of my life forever. Why? Sick of the distance frustration, sick of things at a standstill, just sick of feeling like I've wasted five years of my life. Did he do anything to make me feel this way? Well, it's more about what hasn't happened and how my feelings are changing. I need more from him...I don't know how I can get it. But, he understands me more than anyone...he knows what I'm thinking before I do quite a bit. I want him to be dying to be with me, anxious to talk to me...just more passion like the old days. Maybe I'm asking for too much and being a bit selfish. He has a busy life and a new promotion to deal with. Then again, I've got a load on my plate too! I just want a little more effort on his part :( Well anyways, I just couldn't actually say goodbye. There is too much history...so I'm giving myself until June to figure out my head. If I feel the same after my big NYC trip that includes three days alone with him, I'm going to have to suck it up and end it. I've changed so much in the past couple of years after focusing on my fitness: maybe he just doesn't fit anymore...kind of like my size 24 jeans...

In fitness news...I'm down 1.2 pounds for the week! All that food journalling has helped me quite a bit. I used to be a fanatic about it before I got cocky and didn't think I needed to anymore. But, I haven't been to the gym since my splurge at Target. Why not? Well, I could use every excuse in the book, but I'd just be lying to myself in order to feel better. I've been a little nerdy actually this week and have been catching up with reading and movies. I spent one night reading Jemima J, flipped through magazines, and even watched some videos. After spending many times laughing at those who get so emotional watching movies, I finally bawled my eyes out towards the end of The Notebook. If I just wouldn't have looked at James Garner crying, I think I would have been fine! And of course, I wasn't alone while watching it, so my sister will probably torment me for a few years about my outburst. But, I will be dragging my sorry arse to the gym next...must work off the days of letting my arse expand on the couch :) If I don't post tomorrow, assume that I'm recovering from a brain injury after a horrible treadmill tripping incident!

Target is on Fire!!

2005-04-21T00:20:00.000-06:00

Tonight, I ended up spending up a bit too much money at Target! I should know so much better than to go in there. My plan was to go in there in buy a cute pair of pink exercise pants that I've been eyeing for weeks and a bottle of the Jergens lotion/tanner that Kristi reminded me about and Jenniy originally recommended. (Unfortunately the second item was completely sold out. I'll have to hunt for it at another store.) Oh noooooo, I couldn't stop with just one purchase! I found a cute pair of greenish pants, a navy blue pair that was half price, a shirt to match the greenish pants, pajamas (I have a pajama addiction, seriously!), Special K cereal bars, and soup. Right after I stopped drooling over the mini iPods on sale (I luckily had the brains to talk myself out of that purchase) and wandered over to the music section, something a bit odd happened.

If you'll take a look at the first picture above, you'll see a bunch of people just standing around in the parking lot. Yes, I am lame and lack something because I take pictures while shopping :) These two pictures tell the story. I was checking out the new Rob Thomas CD and the fire alarm went off. All of us shoppers were a bit puzzled...it was a bit gloomy outside...was this a tornado warning? Are we supposed to take cover? Is it a fire?...I don't see any smoke! The workers were a bit befuddled as well. Soon, one of the managers started rushing down the aisle shouting, "Please move to the front of the store!" And then another one ran by exclaiming "Please leave the store immmediately!" So, we had to leave our merchandise and get out. Because I have no life, I along with most of the others chilled outside until we were given the clear to go back in. The fire truck came by and made sure everything was fine. It must have been a false alarm. Well, after I went back in, I spotted a magazine, picked up the Rob Thomas CD, plus a couple other things I thought I needed at the time. Luckily, I didn't spend over $100 :)

Also, why are the maternity clothes at Target so much cuter than some of the clothes that I must choose from? I found this CUTE hot pink swim tankini in my size. I look a bit closer and realize it was a maternity suit! Since I was in the area already, I checked out the other maternity offerings...there was an awesome skirt I'd kill for too! I'm still debating about trying it on and seeing how it fits.

Isn't my life exciting? Ha!

Anyways, before I leave you, check out my new link in the groupies section! Kat has done some revamping and the FIT Portal moved. If you're listed there, get yourself moved over! She also has a new fitness blog. Check it out!

Showing Some Skin!!

2005-04-19T22:06:00.000-06:00

Gosh, time is just flying by this month! I've been busy most of the time at work, had a few visitors, and have been swamped with homework since the last break. I know, homework is nothing new here. Plus, the weather has been gorgeous so I've spent a lot more time outdoors. I even have broke out into my capris and t-shirts without a jacket! It's still nowhere near close enough to give my pasty skin a glow yet. I have a feeling I'll be buying some fake tanner before my next vacation.

I have been doing pretty well this week foodwise. After finally getting my grocery shopping taken care of, I have been eating at home except for today when I hit Subway. And yes, I ate the healthy turkey breast instead of the chicken bacon ranch sub. I have fruits and veggies all set to go in the fridge when I get cravings and food that I actually have to prepare instead of nuke in the microwave. I think the preparation makes me think about what I'm putting in my mouth more...I've definitely been eating slower and savoring more of it. I've also kept up with journalling everything!! The WW etools were a good investment for me, I guess. Exercisewise...well I've been doing a ton of walking, but haven't hit the gym since Thursday. Tomorrow, I will get there! I also finally did the fitness test with Maya...of course, she recommended to focus on weight loss first, but I was pretty impressed with some of the results. I did discover I still have squat for upper body strength since the pushups about killed me. I am a crunching and squatting queen though!

Finally, I've put a link to my WalkAmerica donation page over to the sidebar. If you'd like to donate, go for it! Also, it gives me a visual reminder about who I still need to bug to help me (aka the parental units and coworkers!) :)

Walking for a Good Cause!

2005-04-15T20:02:00.000-06:00

I just got an email from my work earlier today about the March of Dimes WalkAmerica. I figured I'd just make a donation from myself since I am late in the game in fundraising and had just asked everybody for money for the Big Brothers/Big Sisters Bowl for Kids Sake earlier in the month. But, I decided I'd throw this idea out there.

If anyone would like to help support a good cause, please click this link: Jodi's March of Dimes WalkAmerica Page. Thanks in advance for your consideration! I'll be participating in the walk on April 30th and it should be fun!

My Shortest Post Ever

2005-04-15T09:53:00.000-06:00

All that shopping yesterday must have paid off...down 1.3 from yesterday!! So, down 0.3 for the FatOff Weigh in :)

Measurements for the Belly Buster challenge tomorrow...more interested in those!

Procrastination is My Middle Name

2005-04-14T16:47:00.000-06:00

I am SO glad I went to my WW meeting today. I was up one pound (better than up three as I was Tuesday). Jodi, our leader (not me talking in the first person), is so awesome! Today she talked about taxes and money as an analogy to weight loss. Also, she brought up procrastination (Yes, I'm good at this!) and how we might be procrastinating our weight loss as well. We make these goals for ourselves, and then we put off doing the things we need to in order to make it until the last minute.

Something she said that I had to write down (whoa, taking notes at WW meetings now?) was:

For a good return on your Weight Loss Investment, you need MODERATION, VARIETY, and BALANCE.

Right now, I need to work on my variety. I get in a rut of eating the same things, doing the same workouts, etc. and then I derail my progress by a lovely binge of something I haven't had in awhile or slacking on the exercise. I haven't hit the exercise rut yet, but I'm definitely at the food rut. My leader challenged me to try the Core plan for the week...it'll force myself to try more planning and cooking...plus filling myself with the right things, not just staying under points. She pumped me up so much that I bought a couple of cookbooks and am planning out a new shopping list that has a lot more items that don't include frozen meals. I haven't been watching my moderation as well as I could be either: using fast food for too many meals, guesstimating where I am pointwise instead of actually writing it down more than I should. So, I ordered the e-Tools on the WW website. I've been doing very well the past couple of days by entering in everything that comes into my mouth. I'll let you know how these changes go.

Also, I bought a few items using my tax return money. One is another pair of running shoes (ON SALE!!) and the other is Yourself! Fitness. I've been checking out Maya ever since before Christmas...looked for the computer version in Best Buy earlier in the year (they only had the XBox version and I was not going to purchase that too!), and didn't have my card whenever I thought about ordering it online. I took a chance and checked out the store again...it was there!! The most embarrassing part was actually paying for it. The cashier was a young teenage punk and he said, "Oh, this looks like a fun game! What does it do?" in that dang tone that annoys me. It had the undertones of "Geez, you're hopeless already...why do you even bother trying?" Well, I told him about it as sweetly as I could and got out of there as quickly as possible. I'll show him...I'll show everybody who doubts me! I've lost 45 pounds on my own and I'll continue till I get to my goal, damnit! It sucks to be so heavy that losing a nice bit of weight is only noticed by a few observant people. Well, I hope more will notice by the end of the summer...I just need to keep at it.

Whoa, sorry about that rant! I also preordered Tales from the Scale (with excerpts written by some of my favorite bloggers) and I'm Not the New Me written by Wendy. I've read an excerpt of her new book through a book review and I'm anxious to read more :)

Finally, another thing that we talked about at WW today was learning to love ourselves. And you know what? I do love me more than ever :) I'm happy about my fitness accomplishments, I love how my brain works, and I even go to the mall and other stores on my own now! Yes, I still have bouts of social anxiety, but I'm no longer feeling that everybody is staring at me and making judgements much. And if they are making judgements, it no longer bothers me. I don't need their acceptance or company!! They're just missing out on getting to know the wonderful girl known as Jodi! Too bad for them :)

Long Time, No See

2005-04-13T11:14:00.000-06:00

Ok, maybe it hasn't been that long since I've posted, but it feels like it to me! Again, I've been swamped with work and school. I should have been studying for yet another accounting test when I got home, but I got swept up in reading another gal's blog archives. I discovered some interesting similarities...gosh, I no longer feel alone in some of my experiences! I won't name the blog, but all I can say is thanks for being so willing to share such details. I'm not so open (you might be thinking, "What? There is more that Jodi hasn't said here?" And I say, "Hell yeah!" That's the way it will stay for now.

So anyways, I found out today that I am only able to compete in one event at nationals in June. How in the world am I going to decide what I want to do? I'm not in love with marketing, I don't desire to do another huge computer project even though I just learned the quick way to complete the part that stumped me...I would love to do accounting. I think I could kick ass since I'll have completely finished my second semester in May. I'm going to have to find out tomorrow if the guy who beat me in that area is going to compete in this one. He won in two or three areas as well...and the 2nd place finisher gets asked to go if the 1st place person decides not to enter or can't due to the one event rule. Plus, the test is given later in the day for that particular event :)

So how's the diet going, Jods? Well, there are three pounds that found me after my weigh-in for the Fat Off on Friday...they had appeared a couple days before the weigh-in too. The TTOM is gone again, I've been eating ok, exercising has been back on track...I'm just going to have stop weighing myself daily because it is so frustrating!! My fitness has never been better though (not since high school at least!). I did another 3.75 miles alternating running and walking again yesterday plus another 1.5 miles later on that day on the elliptical. My squatting and crunch completion is improving, and my measuring tape is showing a smaller number. Woohoo for that!

Finally, I'm feeling a bit rich after finally getting my tax refund :) Oh, I so have the urge to splurge it all. But, I'm being responsible and paying my tuition bill and putting the rest of it in savings. Plus, I'll be getting my tuition reimbursement soon...I can buy a new toy with that money (maybe an iPod so I can listen to my own tunes while working out finally?) I'll just have to keep myself away from the stores for a bit longer!!

OK, no more procrastinating...my accounting book is hounding me for some attention!

Could I Play Better Blindfolded?

2005-04-08T23:40:00.000-06:00

I just got back from bowling and I smell NASTY! Remind me again why people like to smoke because I sure can't think of one reason! Our business group from school did a charity bowling event for Big Brothers/Big Sisters and I had a LOT of fun. Rachel, her boyfriend, and a HOT friend of her boyfriend were on the team with me. There was another guy that was supposed to be there, but he didn't show up.

I SUCK at bowling...definitely am not one with the ball. Although, my very first attempt tonight was a strike!! I ended up with getting to 100 once out of three games. I should have granny bowled :) Rachel and her bf sucked royally too...the only one that could hit strikes or spares constantly was Jay. He had his own little bowling cloth and some green thing he squeezed that was supposed to make his hands sticky....or maybe it was to make them unsticky. Who knows?? We decided to throw him off his game by tugging at his cloth and throwing pizza crusts at him...by the middle of the second round, we had got into his head and he couldn't bowl for shizznit :)

So anyways, this has been a busy week! I've had so much homework and studying to do that I only have hit the gym twice. I even went without sleep for over 24 hours on Tuesday/Wednesday finishing up a huge computer project. And to compound troublesome matters, my TOTM decided to rear it's ugly head yet again. This time, the bloat is visiting too...arrrgh!! Two days ago, the scale was showing me up three...today it's showing me down 0.5 lbs. I'll take the loss, no matter how small. I plan on hitting WW tomorrow before the MS Walk since I couldn't go Thursday due to a make-up exam for one I missed on Monday.

Added my challenge links to the side finally...there are some major losers in the Great Blogger Fat Off so far....someone lost 8 pounds in a week! Geez! My goal I want to focus on this week is planning my meals in advance so I don't end up hitting the fast food joints so often!

And thanks everybody for the good words about the conference and goals :) I appreciate hearing from all of you even if I haven't replied personally. Now, if work will let me off in June, life would be great.

Beer Didn't Destroy My Brain Cells!

2005-04-05T09:54:00.000-06:00

I am finally back from the boooooring capital of Pierre, South Dakota. Did you miss me? A group I'm involved in at school went to a state spring conference/competition. There were some good speakers, too many darn tests, and an AWESOME Casino Night. If I was president of the organization, I would have planned the lag time between events a bit better though! Spending two days there felt like I had wasted four!

So, as I was saying, this conference was mainly for state competition to go to nationals. On my birthday, I had to get to school early to take a two-hour test for computer applications. We had five huge tasks to complete using spreadsheets, databases, mail merges, Powerpoint presentation, etc. Well, I believed I blew it since I only finished about 60% in the alloted time. At the conference, I had to take another written test in that field, one in accounting principles, and one in marketing. So basically, I had to prove my knowledge by filling in the bubbles for those. Each test was an hour long and had 90-99 questions. The person who placed first throughout all the schools in the state competing got money plus would go to the national conference at Disney World in June.

Well, I took my first two tests in accounting and computer applications on Sunday. The computer application term test wasn't too bad but there were a few terms I didn't know. Time was called before I had finished the last 9 questions in accounting. Damn! Even with those missed, I felt pretty confident about the questions I did answer. That night, we had a little casino event with fake money. Now since this was a school event, we had thought we weren't going to be able to drink. Well, we were wrong!!! People started coming in with alcohol from the bar, and playing poker and blackjack is so much better with a little drink! I was going to abstain, but I really needed to let loose. The bar closed at midnight, and some people I was with decided to hunt down somewhere else to buy more. We found one gas station that would sell some to us...I guess there is an ordinance about selling alcohol after a certain time on Sunday...the other spots said midnight, but this guy said he could until 2 AM. I'm not sure if he bent any rules by doing that or not. If so, I won't tell!!! Well, we ended up staying up until 3:30 and I was set to take my marketing test at 8 AM!! My usual rule is not to go to a test while still drunk...I broke that one this time :)

OK, so anyways, I took the test and we had an awards program on Monday afternoon. Accounting was my first event announced...they called the top three up in no particular order. I was called up!!! Another guy from my school with a semester more of accounting in him was also in the running. Well, I ended up in 2nd place for that one...I got a lovely plaque at least! I figured that would be the event that I could win since I blew the major part of the computer one and a TON of people with 3 or 4 years of marketing classes had taken the other one. I resigned myself to clapping for the winners in those categories.

Well, Computer Applications was my next event (going in alphabetical order). Imagine my surprise when my name was called!!! Not only that, but I got 1st place! So, that cements me going to Florida and took the pressure off marketing. I got a lovely plaque and $100 :)

Then, Marketing was called. As I said earlier, I was recovering from drinking and lack of sleep. I sped through those questions and didn't pay that much attention. Well, I was called up for that one too!!! I was shocked when they announced I got 1st place for that too!!! Woohoo!!! I beat juniors and seniors!! Not bad for someone who loves healthcare more than business and has only one semester of business classes completed.

So, now I have even more incentive to keep working out...I need to look great in a swimsuit (well, better than I do now, at least) for when I go! Other than my night of drinking, I handled food and exercise well. I'm really ready to hit the gym tonight :) Time to head to class, so I'll post more later!

I Made Goal!!

2005-04-01T23:25:00.000-06:00

April Fools :) But dang, that would be wonderful if it was true. However, I did lose 2.4 pounds this week! Woohoo!! Despite the Easter candy on Sunday and the bad meal choices on Wednesday, I'm back on a good losing streak again. I believe this battle was won by my time in the gym. And this week, I can do better with the food tracking. Challenging myself is working out great so far!

I've finally found a suit for my conference this week...another size smaller than I expected to purchase. I looked just about everywhere to find one!! It ate a bigger chunk of my paycheck than I wanted, but I hopefully will get some good use out of it. I have a hard time imagining myself wearing a suit every day at work. I've been spoiled by not having to see customers daily. Getting to wear blue jeans whenever I want is great!!! Now I just have to find some shoes to go along with the outfit.

I did another five miles on the treadmill today, alternating walking and running. Librarian on the Loose brought up a subject I didn't approach. I never had tried to run on the treadmill before because I was worried I'd fall on my face!!! It has happened before...once because I was a klutz years ago and another when a evil friend of mine thought it would be funny to play with my buttons. I still have to fight the feeling of fearing I'll trip almost every time I'm on it :)

I'll be leaving early Sunday morning for the business conference, so if I don't get to pop in again before then, have a great weekend!

Slut--It Looks Good On You :)

2005-03-30T23:58:00.000-06:00

Today's crazy title is brought to you by the Advertising Slogan Generator. Today, I was feeling adventurous and put on this shirt that has this completely crazy neckline. I had bought it on sale a few months ago not noticing that the opening was so huge!! I must be losing somewhere on top, because today I had to keep fighting with it so it wouldn't slide off my shoulder :) Plus, whenever I bent down, anyone nearby would get quite an eyeful of cleavage if I wasn't careful. Totally not my type of shirt, ya know? This shirt is now known as the "Slut Shirt". After dealing with it during classes, I finally got over my paranoia and felt a bit sassy wearing it. But, I figured this top just may not be work appropriate. So, I got the idea to tie these odd strings (used for when it's on a hanger) around my bra straps. Bankers just can't get away with too much flash, even if I'm dealing with customers on the phone! No, it wasn't my smartest move ever, but people really liked the shirt! Maybe I'll have to be a bit more daring the next time I purchase more clothes...love the compliments, people!!

Today, I didn't make the wisest food choice for lunch. I didn't pack one today, so I headed over to a place that was advertising grilled chicken fajitas...it sounds ok, right?? Well, it came with refried beans, rice, cheese, and some other various toppings. Well, I looked it up when I got home, and the meal was worth 830 calories and 25 grams of fat! Egads!! I didn't eat most of the side stuff, so I don't know how much I saved myself. Even with that catastrophy, I ended up being ok pointwise with 29.

I also spent 90 minutes at the gym this evening...15 minutes on the elliptical and 75 minutes on the treadmill. Normally, I do not spend so much time on the treadmill, but the weights area was packed!! As I've said before, I'm working on preparing for a walking marathon, plus the MS Walk in 2 weeks and the March of Dimes WalkAmerica at the end of the month. Well, I've found something interesting about my body. It wants to run! It shocked me Monday, so today I decided to deliberately put the pace to a good running speed...I ran a good 15 minutes straight, and then decided to set it back to reality setting because I just wasn't wearing the right shoes and I could feel a blister setting in. So damn, I really am getting fit! Who knew? I haven't ran so much since my days of soccer as a forward and halfback. Maybe this running thing isn't so scary as my head makes it out to be!

My next weigh-in at WW is tomorrow, and I think it's going to be a good one. I'm so glad I decided to go back. As Kristi said in her most recent post, having to go in and have someone weigh you really does keep you accountable!

Challenge Time!!!

2005-03-29T23:49:00.000-06:00

I planned on writing this post much earlier today, but with my increase in water consumption combined with the rain starting to hit, I've had to pause way too often in order to hit the bathroom!! At least my bathroom is functioning again :)

So, in order to help me keep focused on staying on track, I've developed a little challenge for myself plus joined another challenge. As I've mentioned before, I'm meeting up with a crazy bunch of people from Ediets over Memorial Day weekend. (Oh yeah, I guess I'm spending a bit of time with Paul then too, but that's secondary on my list for once!) I proudly introduce my "Rising Phoenix in NYC Challenge"! (Rising Phoenix is the name of our team and I'm new to editing images so I apologize for lack of beauty!)

My main goals are to:
1. Lose 15 pounds
2. Exercise daily, and a minimum of 60 minutes 5 days a week.
3. 100 oz of water a day and limit to one soda a day
4. Journal my food daily (this may be the toughest part!) I won't bore you with my meals here, but I'm going to try to give daily subtotals points or caloriewise.
5. In bed by midnight four days a week (this is also going to be pretty darn tough!)

To go even deeper into the summer, I joined another blogger challenge. Gigglechick wants to lose 20 pounds by her 35th birthday June 21, and invited other bloggers to join in her challenge. In "The Great Blogger Fat Off", I vow to lose 26 pounds (hey, it may be lofty, but dang I'll work really hard!). There are now 80 people signed up for this event! We will be checking in every Friday, so I'll be posting there, plus updating somewhere on my sidebar.

I have an early morning tomorrow and I need to go to the bathroom again, so I'll post more details tomorrow!

I Hate Peeps!!

2005-03-28T00:32:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I felt a bit better than "Death Warmed Over", so I decided to celebrate Easter with my family. The hardest part of this task was getting ready to go over there! (If you want to avoid some ranting, skip over to the next paragraph.) First, I headed to the bathroom to take my bath. The bathtub was FILTHY!!! At some point on Saturday, my roommate Erin decided to be nice and give the dogs a bath before Sarah gets home today. So there is dirt and hair ALL OVER the place!! If you're going to be nice, please clean up after yourself!!! So I spend a bit of time cleaning the bathtub and notice the drain isn't working (most likely due to all the dang dog hair!!) and the plug won't stay up either. I should have noticed how she had it propped open with a disposable shaver cap. Grrrrr!!!!! Well after fiddling with that for a good 45 minutes, I gave up trying to fix it. And of course, SHE is downstairs taking a shower in "her" bathroom. Since I didn't want to be late, I grabbed all my bath accessories and drove to my parents house. Thank goodness most of them were finished with their shower so I could hop right in. *End of rant!*

My parents gave me a cute Easter basket filled with Peeps, an egg filled with peanut butter eggs (my favorite Easter treat), and a bubble gum egg. I just do not like Peeps at all...they are just marshmallow and sugar...what's not to love?...but I hate the taste for some reason. So, those things definitely won't be tempting me. I ended up leaving my basket at my parents house...that way the only time I can be tempted by peanut butter is when I go over to visit :) After we all got ready, we left to go to my grandma's house for lunch with her and my uncle, aunts, and cousins. I did not go up for seconds at all because I was full after one plate of food. Woohoo!!

Now, most times I go to family events, I feel a bit of marriage pressure due to questions from my aunt and seeing the two other female cousins closest in age (yet still younger!) either married or just recently engaged. I was validated for waiting to take the leap this time!! My cousin Carmon has been married for about four years now, has a new house, a great job, and really has straightened up from her past of running away and fooling around with numerous guys. It's about time since she is 25!! Well, I always thought things were fishy since she rarely ever brings her husband along to any family functions. Yesterday, she was not wearing her wedding ring, her brother let it slip how she was living in an apartment, and she had to rush to meet this other guy and his parents. Ha!! I guess she just wasn't ready to settle down yet. Now, she didn't say anything about getting a divorce, but something is definitely wrong with this picture! I'm not saying that getting married young is wrong....but you really need to make sure you're with the right person. Do I think I've found the right person? Hmmmm, let me get back to you on that. I've been doing a lot of thinking about this lately, and I'm not as sure as I used to be.

Hope you all had a great holiday or extended break (if you were lucky enough to get at least a day off work)!!

My Bed is Making My Ass Expand

2005-03-26T20:53:00.000-06:00

Where has the day gone? I have spent practically the whole day in bed, most of the time sleeping. I am just lacking the energy to even go to the kitchen and eat. Thank goodness I have some Special K breakfast bars in my room, although I really don't feel hungry either. I'm sure Erin is wondering what the hell is up with me since she has been home ALL day for once.

After spending a day mad at my body for getting sick, I'm glad that I did stay home. My stomach is queasy, my sinuses make me feel like grapes are permanently implanted up my nose, and I have a bit of a headache. I just don't think Paul would enjoy me being around in this condition. Having to wait less than another month to see him isn't so bad, right? (Yes Jodi, keep repeating this to yourself and you'll feel better about the situation...)

What have I accomplished during my short time actually awake? Reading new blogs! I'm going to have a blogroll the size of Texas if I don't quit it! I've had a couple new readers comment yesterday/today, so I had to check them out. Hi Brenda (Firebrand) and Queen!! Brenda is a fellow clarinet player and lives in a neighboring state. Queen has lost over 100 pounds in less than a year, an actress, and I was so enthralled by her story that I ended up reading all of her entries! I know, I'm a bit sad.

So, tomorrow is Easter for me. It sounds like we'll be heading up to my grandma's again for the celebration. I think this is our first major holiday without grandpa. My mom has been pretty good about going up to see her once a week. My grandma has started to hear grandpa talking to her at night and has sworn she's seen him come into her bedroom a couple times recently. I don't know about the whole ghost thing, but if it's giving her comfort, it can't be so bad. We'll see if there will be an appearance tomorrow :)

Friggin' Sickness!!

2005-03-25T15:56:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm staying home this weekend :( And this time, it isn't Paul's fault! For this past week, I've been feeling a little crappy especially in the morning...probably why I overslept the other day. My mom and aunt even noticed my face looking a bit rashy on Wednesday. Well, last night, it turned into a full-fledged puke fest. And today, I don't feel much better. Why am I cursed?? I'm just hoping it's not a stress-related shingles outbreak. I think my face looks OK now, but my stomach is still feeling pretty queasy. I don't see any rashes or bumps anywhere else either, so it must be just some kind of bug. My sister had the shingles this year, and right when she felt ready to go back to school, they came back to visit again!

So anyways, Paul and I talked about just changing my leave until Saturday, but then I would only have a full day there...and the two other days would be partial travel days...just not a good plan!! He was understandably upset about the sudden change, too. We're changing the date till April 10th...a time where he actually has more time off and I have a few days off for some school related reason...Spring Break Part 2 or something. I'm so disappointed in my body for giving out. Maybe I should have just sucked it up and went anyways, but then what fun would I have been?

There's my update for all of you who were anxiously waiting for it. I know it's not the good kind of update, but I hope I'll have a better travel update in April now.

WW Rocks :)

2005-03-24T23:33:00.000-06:00

Well, I did it! I finally went back to a WW meeting after a month absence...I had to register all over again. And holy shizznit, there is a whole crapload of new items available to purchase...I felt a bit like I was walking into a grocery store :) I weighed in, and amazingly enough, the WW scale agreed with my scale at home.

I believe I'm actually going to stick with going to the meetings at this time. Here's why.

The leader's name is Jodi!!
She is much closer in age to me and easy to identify with.
Her birthday is only 4 days after mine (she just turned the big 30)
It is her 4th anniversary with WW and her beginning weight is right about where I am now.
I've never laughed so hard at a meeting in my life!

I have so much left to do before tomorrow, and I'm falling asleep while typing, so this may be my shortest entry ever. If I don't a chance to be online while I'm gone, I'll fill you all in on the details when I get back on Tuesday :)

One More Day...Fa La La La

2005-03-24T00:28:00.000-06:00

It's OFFICIAL! One more day until I'm out of this state for a few days!! Yep, I'm heading up to NYC to spend some time with the Paulster :) And what's even sweeter? I'm not paying a bit for this trip! It has been....ehhhhh more than six months since we've been in the same time zone ever since the December fiasco. I'm not even going to talk about that disaster...I seriously had thoughts about kicking him to the curb after that because I was just sick of the distance and the missed opportunities.

On the health front: I've found the most comfortable running shoes ever!! Actually two pairs!! Couldn't decide which ones I liked better so I am getting both. I know I should be sticking with the financial budget I put together for myself in finance class...but ohhhhhhh sometimes I just have to make myself feel good too! Plus, having those shoes and my cute new gym clothes I bought with birthday money gives me added incentive to go to the gym and show them off. It's amazing what clothes can do for a person's mood. Paul is great at getting to the gym, so I'm not worried by going off-track while I'm gone. Plus, it's easy to get a lot of walking in when you rely on mass-transit. At least, that has been my experience.

Whoa, I bought gym clothes and new running shoes. On purpose. I can't believe it! My attitude certainly has changed from a year or so ago!

Finally, there is a MAN lying on the couch in the other room. I almost crapped in my pants when I opened the door and entered my dark living room. Now I can't run around in the nude tonight...shucks!! Now, I'm assuming he is HOT because he has a huge fan blowing on him. It is quite chilly outside right now, and the heat is running. From what I could tell, he was shirtless too. Anybody dare me to sneak out and poke him??

I Quit!!!

2005-03-23T12:21:00.000-06:00

Woohoo!!!! Tonight was my last night at work until Tuesday!! No more fighting with underwriters and dealing with cranky customers for a week!! I even got to go home 30 minutes early. When I left, I told my coworkers "I quit....till Tuesday." I just have three classes to get through tomorrow and I'm officially free!! Easter/Spring break right now is just what I need :) I actually have plans for this full time. Since my sister is still reading this darn thing (I have no idea why!), I'm not going to divulge my plans till then...let me just say, it's ABOUT DAMN TIME.

I'm stealing the following from Kimba who stole it from Argy...

Accent: Midwestern. And I have a tendency to drag out my Os, but it is nowhere close to the accents in the movie Fargo

Bra size: 40C

Chore I hate: Shoveling snow

(step)Dad's name: David

Essential make-up: flavored lip gloss. Yep, I'm a bit lax when it comes to making up my face...the picture shows that pretty clearly :) When I have time to dicker around, blush and mascara come out!

Favorite perfume: I sneeze if I wear most perfume, so Love Spell from Victoria's Secret is my mainstay

Gold or Silver: Silver

Hometown: Sioux Falls

Interesting fact: My whole band came very close to being arrested in Tiananmen Square in 1999

Job title: Personal Banker

Kids: Sure, but I need a full-time man first. Well, technically I don't, but that's what I'd prefer!

Living arrangements: With my roommates Sarah and Erin and Sarah's two dogs Baylor and Belmont...someday soon will be with Paul in NYC

Mom's Birthplace: Humboldt

Number of apples eaten in last week: Two so far

Overnight hospital stays: Four...when I was born, when I had my tonsils and adenoids removed, when I broke my ankle, and once when diagnosed with asthma

Phobia: Deep water since I'm not the strongest swimmer, big snakes

Question you ask yourself a lot: "What the hell am I doing?"

Religious affiliation: Methodist although it's been a bit since I've stepped inside a church

Siblings: Three younger sisters: Danielle is 18, Amber just turned 17, and Brenna is 12

Time I wake up: about 6:30 or 6:45 Monday-Thursday and Saturday, about 8 on Fridays, and whenever I want on Sunday

Unnatural hair color: Currently blonde and reddish highlights...I've never had a complete color change

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Tomatoes! They have to be blended like in vegetable soup or in the form of ketchup for me to handle it!

Worst habit: Procrastination.

X-rays: Ankle, wrist, knee, spine, teeth

Yummy food I make: Ooh, this is tough since I don't cook very often. I do make a good spanish rice and chicken dish, scotcharoos, and Mountain Dew salad

Zodiac sign: Pisces

Walking a Marathon!

2005-03-22T10:50:00.000-06:00

One of my worst traits is not being able to say no to requests. If someone wants me to do something, I'll try my hardest to accomplish it. Well, this time, not saying no is a good thing :)

I'm going to participate in a marathon!! One of the members of the Ediets LO read about the six month marathon training schedule in Prevention magazine and proposed that we get a group together and do it! So, in October, I'm planning on participating in the Marine Corps Marathon with them all. I don't know all the logistics yet, but I know that there is a limit to how many can participate and registration starts April 6th. The training schedule looks okay to me, so it will definitely keep me on course to accomplishing my own challenge to myself (which will start March 25th...look for details then!).

As a warmup to my own overall health and mental challenge, I plan on going to a WW meeting ~~today~~THURSDAY. I ended up being a little too late for today :( I haven't went back for about a month again due to finances. A friend of mine from school started five weeks ago and tells me every Tuesday during Business Law class on how well she's doing. I'm wondering if she's hinting that I should start going or if she is just that excited about her success. Usually, our conversations don't regard fitness at all. She has no idea that I actually am a member. So, as long as my class gets out on time, I'll be driving over during my lunch break. Since I have been halfway on track again, I'm not really worried about the scale, although I know it's a few pounds above my last visit. Wish me luck!

Picture Update!

2005-03-20T22:28:00.000-06:00

Just a quick update! I am still working on my new challenge for myself...I'll have it figured out by tomorrow hopefully! I will share a picture for you now that will have to keep you satisfied till I post more! It doesn't show my highlights the best, but you get the idea :) I'll post some full-body pictures (oh the horror, I know!) with the challenge post.

You can see a small version in the sidebar, but here is the full size, without makeup on (pay no attention to the lovely shower curtain behind me)...

Also, I've found some great new sites to visit over the weekend! I haven't added them to the blogroll yet, but you should still check it out!

Thanks to Nicole, I found the Chubby Girl Brigade again! I stumbled across this spot before I started blogging, but had lost all my favorites. If you haven't checked it out yet, I highly recommend that you do. I think the attitudes shared there are great :)

Happy Birthday to Me!

2005-03-18T23:27:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm 27 now and I don't feel a bit older yet!! My coworkers guessed that I was turning 23! LOL!! When I'm old, I'm sure I'll appreciate the young comments, but I'd love to be my age once. When I was in 5th grade, people mistakenly believed my sister was my daughter. It's odd how impressions change!

Since we're covered with over a foot of snow, we didn't go out for my birthday yet. Pretty much without fail, there is always snow on my birthday. It could be 70 degrees the next day (yes, it has happened!), but the snow gods love to smack us on my day! Good thing I'm not a cake fan because I didn't get one! My mom is going to make me an angel food cupcake tomorrow. If you've never had one, they are yummy and not bad for WW points either! I spent the night watching movies with the family...exciting, I know. I got a cool jacket that I've been eyeing for awhile and some Bath and Body Works stuff. I guess I'm getting more later...due to the weather changing, my family didn't really get out to buy anything. Yes, we all carry the procrastination gene :) I'm waiting for my gift from Paul...he says if I don't get up there over Spring Break that he'll send it. Just a week away now!!

And for an update from yesterday's post, I love my new hair cut!! I got to the salon early and found some cute ideas in a book. I think the color is the best part!! I took some pictures last night, but they just don't show the highlights the best. Everybody at work was commenting about my hair...either my hair was so bad before (well it was starting to look pretty shabby) or this one is just way better. I'll put up some pictures this weekend!

Finally, for a weight update, I'm down another pound :) I'm working on devising a challenge for myself for May and then for my next birthday. I'll share a bit more tomorrow!

Dying My Hair Green :)

2005-03-17T13:24:00.000-06:00

Happy Day Before My Birthday!!! Or as it is more commonly known, St. Patrick's Day. I'm wearing my bit of green although I have no Irish in me! Since I still have school and work tomorrow, I won't be partying too hard tonight.

Today, I'm finally getting my hair cut and colored! I haven't had a dye job since last summer and some nasty, stress-created white strands are popping up. Quelle Horrour! I always have trouble when I get a hair cut because I NEVER know what to do with it. I look at pictures beforehand, but I just can't make a decision on if it will actually look good. And then, when I tell the hair stylist to do something different, it usually ends up looking the same way it always does...dull and boring. Also, I'd love to donate some of my hair thickness to someone so I can style it and blowdry it without the urge to strangle myself. And I do NOT want the typical "chubby girl" style that I see all the time. I know all about the virtual hairstyle thing, but I'm not about to pay extra money just to give the haircut a test run. I want to start my birthday tomorrow (my 27th) on a high note by looking wonderful! Then, you'll get to see some pictures :) I'm picturing something in my head with more layers and flippiness...I know it's going to be tough, but I want what I want! Once I find the stylist who can make me love my hair and forget that it weighs 12 tons, I will build a shrine in her honor!

Also, does anybody have a good magic spell to make my period stop now?? Aunt Flo is jabbing me with her knitting needles and I've had to haul it to the bathroom every couple of hours to change my coverage! I do not need the embarrassment of an accident!! TMI, I know...but this royally sucks!!! My doc hasn't been very helpful in this area at all...I'm going to have to schedule an appointment yet again if this keeps up.

To end this post on a positive note, I'll share a bit of "Ireland for Dummies" :)

Green

Strangely enough, Irish people tend to wear everything except green, which is associated with too many national tragedies, including 1798, the Famine and the current Irish soccer team. It's possible that green just doesn't suit the Irish skin colour, which is generally pale blue.

Irish Dancing

There are two main kinds of Irish dancing: (1) Riverdance , which is now simultaneously running in every major city except Ulan Bater and which some economists believe is responsible for the Irish economic boom; and (2),Real Irish dancing, in which men do not wear frilly blouses and you still may not express yourself, except in a written note to the adjudicators.

Woolly Jumpers

Ireland produces vast quantities of woolen knitwear and, under a US/Irish trade agreement, American visitors may not leave without a minimum of two sweaters, of which one at least must be predominantly green. Airline staff may check that you have the required documentation before you are allowed to disembark. Continental (that's Europe, not the airline) visitors are only required to have one woolly jumper, but must have a copy of "The Collected Works of Seamus Heaney" as well.

Hello Again

2005-03-15T10:36:00.000-06:00

[[Ring, Ring]]
Me: "Hello!"
AF: "Hi, Jodi dear! It's Aunt Flo!"
Me: "What's up? I was wondering why you left so quickly last week!"
AF: "I know, I forgot to bring my knitting needles, so I ran back home. But, I'm coming back soon."
Me: [[cringing]]"How soon?"
AF: "Anytime now. In fact, you should probably be preparing the guest room again now."
Me: "Gosh, I'm a little busy this week, but I suppose you can come for a bit. Where are you now?"
[[Knock on the door]]

Yes, Aunt Flo is back with a vengeance! I knew her two day visit couldn't be the end of it. I just hope she doesn't decide on an extended visit!

In other news, to just add to the stress of Aunt Flo's crimson waves, my left rear tire decided to punk out today. No, it didn't just go flat...it decided to splat on the interstate!! All of a sudden, my car started shuddering and heating up inside...I was just about to the offramp to get to school...so close I can taste it...so I pull over once I get to a good spot. The tire was completely shredded, there was no spare in my trunk (where did it go??), and I didn't remember much from Girl Scouts on how to fix it anyways! Also, I had no tow truck # on my cell phone or AAA membership to rely on. So, I frantically call my parents...my sister calls my mom at work and then calls my stepdad at work. He came to my rescue! During the 45 minutes that I wait, only ONE person stops to see if I need any help. She stopped two minutes before my stepdad got there, so I told her thanks, but my help is coming :) She looked a bit relieved! I really need to learn more about doing my own car maintentance again...I just hate looking like the helpless damsel in distress (unless it gets me a smart, handsome man to help!)

Luckily, I get paid today so I'll be able to cover a tire, finally make my travel arrangements for spring break, the NYC trip in May (the hotel is already taken care of, at least), and hopefully find a business suit for my conference coming up. Does stress help my weight-loss efforts? We'll find out when I weigh in again this week :)

Hello, My Name is Asslee

2005-03-13T22:28:00.000-06:00

Nothing new to report, but a friend of mine from Ediets got me hooked on doing some darn quizzes this weekend! The results are a bit enlightening :) Especially my crayon color! My Aunt Flo did leave quite quickly this round (must have been scared off by my messy room...), and due to finally having some major homework finished, I finally got to relax a bit!

So anyways, here are my results!

Your Porn Star Name is: Asslee Bendover

Get your own Porn Star Name

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

Expect a more meaningful entry later :)

Putting On My Tech Hat :)

2005-03-10T19:05:00.000-06:00

Hello World!

Well, howdy to you all if this post makes it on to my blog alive! Blogger has been burping and more most of the day...I think it has a bit of acid reflux. I try to post something or change the template and Blogger tells me, "Now you know I can't be eating these spicy posts or new changes! It upsets my tummy so :(" Yes, inanimate things speak to me sometimes and I often carry wonderful conversations with them. So, all I get from all my effort is some foul smelling burps in my face when I hit publish.

Since I had some spare time between classes today, I put on my geek/tech hat and made some minor changes. Yes, you can now comment on my individual post pages! And when you get lost in them, you can get back home. I also stuck my "Reasons Why to Lose the Cow" to the side bar so if you'd like to add some of your ideas in a few days/months/years, here's your chance :)

I am so glad that I don't have any more major assignments to procrastinate doing for at least another week. Last night, I got 2.5 lovely hours of sleep after researching and writing note cards for my speech I had to present this morning. I definitely did not look my best, and I am cringing about having to watch it on video later. Yes, my instructor decided to add to the humiliation factor for this one. Hopefully the camera won't magnify those lovely bags under my eyes. I don't have any more tests until after break (woohoo on the last tests for me with a 98 on Business Law on Tuesday and 93 in Personal Finance!) unless our accounting instructor decides to throw another one at us.

After school, I took a wonderful two hour nap (till an oboe lesson woke me up!), and I wouldn't mind sleeping a bit more. Fighting the almost 40 mph winds today really tuckered me out! If I was running the mile in the right direction, I bet my time would be almost cut in half with the wind factor! For my first Thursday off with my new schedule, I'll be missing my aerobics/sculpt class (the whole reason I changed my day off to begin with!), but sometimes sleep is just more important. I need to listen to my body a lot more about these things. I'm going to wrap this post up, eat supper, and then get to the comfort of my bed again :) Sounds like a perfect night to me!

Nasty-Ass Salad!!

2005-03-09T00:13:00.000-06:00

Someone who commented recently here is flippin' psychic!! Girl from Florida, you are wise beyond your years. In honor of International Women's Day, my lovely time of the month/two weeks/skip a few visits/etc. decided to come visit. Even with the lovely pill, my Aunt Flo doesn't really pay attention to the calendar...her stay could be early/short/get the heck out before I kick you out...well you get the picture. I didn't even have the bloat. So, a bit of my mood may be contributed to that, but I'm still quite a bit out of sorts. I even got a bit snippy to a supervisor today...and if you knew how laid-back and quiet I can be in person, you'd be shocked! I just feel so overwhelmed right now and could really use a life preserver in these troubled waters right now. Would anybody like to volunteer to make some decisions for me??

So anyways, I was a good girl and picked up a salad in the cafeteria at school today. I will NEVER EVER do that again. It beckoned, "Take me, please! I'm nutritious and delicious!" Well, first of all , salads should never talk. Second of all, the dressing also ruined it. I took one bite and I thought I'd need to haul it to the ladies to expunge that taste from my mouth! Gosh, I wish my tastebuds could develop amnesia. So, I ate the carrots, and a bit of the lettuce, and a couple bites of the chicken on top (cold, slimy, and just gross). The Dr. Pepper did it's best to clear my palate. My stomach is just churning by thinking about that nasty-ass salad.

A lot of my favorites on my blogroll are starting to add a bit more pictures...I keep meaning to do that!! That will be my next chore after I finish preparing my speech. I totally blew it off over the weekend, so I'll be burning the midnight oil tomorrow so I don't look like an idiot on Thursday when I present it. If I can just make it through the next 1.5 weeks, I have a break from work and class to accomplish so many things!

Sleep is Good!

2005-03-07T13:02:00.000-06:00

Last night, I did something that I haven't done in a LONG time. I went to bed by 10:30 PM! For once, it wasn't hard at all to wake up this morning. I definitely needed it after being all out of sorts for the past week. I was so off kilter yesterday that I wasn't even hungry all day and ended up with only 300 calories consumed. Before you start freaking out, my dinner/breakfast was at midnight Sunday due to having to bring my grandma home after my sister's play Saturday and not getting a chance to eat before it. So, those calories pretty much can be added to it...but it still makes it a pretty low day.

I hate to admit it, but when I get bogged down with life, I have a tendency to fall into a depression and forget to do the things I should. Thank goodness I'm realizing it for myself this time before someone else has to. I figured out that I set my alarm for Friday (but didn't turn the ringer on) which made me miss my first class. Missing class made me unaware that we had a test today (thank goodness, everything was about what I deal with in work daily!). I had to push myself to exercise, remind myself to eat, make an extreme effort to study, and force myself to go to bed. Things I let slide by: picking up after myself and showering. Yesterday, I avoided any contact with my roommates and ignored a few phone calls. This is just wrong...I'm seriously thinking about finally seeing someone about my situation because I'm so sick of the mood swings.

To try to break the depression pattern, I'm scheduling out every activity because knowing exactly what I need to do gives me a routine and something to focus on. I even am planning all my meals ahead of time. I am going to TRY to focus on one problem at a time...which means not stressing about the move until I have immediate needs taken care of...Paul is just going to have to chill about it. Hopefully, things will just work themselves out without driving me insane!

To end on a good note, for my official Monday weigh in, I'm actually down 3 pounds...I'll take any loss that I can get!

Reasons Why...

2005-03-06T17:43:00.000-06:00

It's 68 degrees and beautiful outside, but I'm in my room wasting the day away! I just have no energy after all the crap I've done this week...finishing a presentation that I didn't do much with until the last minute, studying furiously for accounting and business law, dealing with some personal crud, and working too much. I've been getting to bed so late that I overslept for my first class on Friday. Remember all the exercise I did last week? Well, it didn't happen so much this week. I did eat pretty well though and the scale is down another 1.5 pounds for the week.

So anyways, I've been catching up on reading my favorite blogs that I haven't had a chance to during the week. I was shocked to hear that one of my favorite writers, Beckie, is stopping her challenge. I guess I would stop too if the food fight was affecting my attitude. So far, my focus on food/health has made me happier overall and has helped me realize other goals too. I've been working on a list of reasons why to lose weight/exercise/eat healthy to push me to keep on doing it and not procrastinate.

REASONS WHY TO LOSE THE COW!

Exercise is much more comfortable when your thighs aren't creating friction and rashes.
Larger clothing takes up too much room in my suitcase.
No strange arm flappiness when I wave hello/goodbye.
Not having to worry about springing a leak when I laugh too hard.
Being able to see future grandchildren grow up and get married without any medical devices.
No worrying about squeezing into a seat into the auditorium and taking up all the shared arm rest too.
Being able to go to a restaurant and not having people check out exactly how much I eat.
Being able to run a mile without onlookers debating whether they need to call 911.
Cuter clothes! Ann Taylor size 8 here I come! --Jenniy
I cannot wait for the day when I will no longer feel the need to wear pantyhose under everything to smooth out all the rolls and jiggles.--Kerri
I look forward to running down a flight of stairs and not feeling my belly jiggle like a bowl full of jelly.--Renee
I look forward to sitting in my car and not feeling the creases on the sides mashing together.--Renee
Not having my thighs rub together, better yet, if I can achieve that sexy sexy space Windsor Pilates always talks about--Renee
My gut no longer overlapping my jeans when I sit down--Still Renee :)

Shopping for style & pleasure vs. practicality & pain--Renee (I love your extra reasons on your site that spawned so I'm copying!)
Having so much muscle I can eat whatever (w/in reason), eat more calories (good ones of course) and know my metabolism is humming on high vs. being stuck on slow--Renee rocks!
Wearing racerback tanks and capri yoga pants when shopping while looking totally fit--Renee is going strong!
Running a race or two--I ditto on this!
The looks on people who haven't seen me in a while--I'm definitely looking forward to that!

Because I am loving the increase in comments as of late (I will respond to all recent ones a bit later), I'm going to ask for some audience participation. What do you look forward to as a result of achieving weight loss/better eating habits/more exercise? As you add your responses, I'll add them on here. Let's see how long this list can grow!

Painting Me Happy?

2005-03-04T11:22:00.000-06:00

A few months ago, my banking crew moved into a new area of the building. We were glad that all of us could finally sit somewhere near each other and not so close to the loud customer service team. Well, by moving, we lost our access to windows!! It was nice to be able to look outside and notice it was getting darker...aka about time to go home. By losing our sight of the outdoors, the days seemed to drag out forever.

Well, the upper management decided that our morale was dwindling. So, some "special" person thought of the idea to paint the walls to make us feel more cheery. I wonder how much they got paid to think of that one! So, now we have a blue wall, a red wall behind me, a green one will be to the side of me, a "mocha" colored one is coming, and the hallway blinds me with bright yellow. Plus, each pole is a different color as well. Might as well confuse us with a circus! I have reddish walls in my bedroom, and does it make me feel that much better about getting up in the AM? Not so much! We'll see if this change helps. If a darn game room that was put in when I started doesn't get used, I doubt color is going to do the trick.

So, I wonder if there is a color that would turn me off from eating and keep me turned on to exercising? I suppose if all junk food was the color of brown "poo", I wouldn't be so tempted to put it in my mouth. For exercising, I can't think of a color....maybe hot pink or lavender? Skittles make me happy so maybe it should be a rainbow of colors. I know my gym could use a new coat of paint inside...it just looks so dreary and a bit too filled with testosterone at times (especially the weights area!) I bet I'd stay longer if it looked more like a luxurious spa.

In other news, I have just been slapped with the reality that I'm supposed to be moving in about 2.5 months! Paul just sent me some info about financial institutions and schools in the area yet again. I just haven't got around to investigating anything...I've been too darn busy...or lazy...or something... I don't know, I guess it is really hard to wrap my brain around the idea that I'm getting out of the city that I've lived for all of my life! I'm not really attached to the city itself...I just am really used to knowing my way around. The most time I've spent in NY consecutively is about a week or two. When I head up there later this month, I better start figuring crap out....Paul better be giving me a good incentive to get my ducks in a row!

Milestones

2005-03-01T18:50:00.000-06:00

I had to update some measurements and weights for Ediets since I haven't entered anything since November (except in the different area for the challenge I do) and they have these handy dandy charts showing my progress (and stalls and gains and whatnot) and it really had me thinking about dates.

First of all, it used to forecast the date for when I would reach goal. Not anymore! The scale and I have been so unpredictable since starting. I do remember that I was originally determined to hit my goal weight by May of this year. That is certainly not going to happen...if I'm lucky I'll be halfway there. I can't believe that I have been with the program for two years as of this coming April.

Second, my gall bladder surgery was 1.5 years ago!! I'm now at the same weight as I had dropped down to then. I had been blaming my weight gain since then due to being able to eat again for over a year!! My brain keeps telling me it was only last summer, but it wasn't. Holy shit, time flies and it's not a good thing.

Third, it does show my progress in my measurements. I've slimmed off 12 inches and I've dropped 8 points in BMI. Pretty soon, I'll no longer be categorized as obese and just fat :) What a great feeling.

I've just finished reading a few success stories, and I've decided that I WILL make it to goal by my birthday next year (which is a year and 17 days away, in case any of you want to buy presents for me early). I am committed to this goal wholeheartedly and I refuse to think about going the dreaded S route (surgery, which is great for many, but I just don't want to) unless I can say that I've done everything possible to do it myself. No more pussyfooting about accomplishing this girth anymore...Right now, I'm in the motivated mindset (again) and I just need to keep the momentum going.

And yes, the scale did show me a wonderful 4.5 pound loss yesterday. Thank goodness that my effort paid off!

Also, thanks for the great questions for my list. I've decided to screw that revision idea, but I have another list I'm formulating and will ask for some participation for that once I decide to post it!

Blah Blah Blah

2005-02-27T19:28:00.000-06:00

I'm just in a blah mood today! I slept until 1 in the afternoon and have been just a bum the rest of the day! I should have done something worthwhile like cleaning my room or working on my Powerpoint project, but NO! And now, the Oscars are about to start, and for some reason, I'm just compelled to watch even though I have only seen one of the nominated movies for best picture.

A run down on my goals accomplished this week:

I've made it to the gym five days this week (the hard part is getting there!)
I've ate on plan except for one Skittles splurge and I was still under points for the day
I've exercised for at least 60 minutes each day I didn't hit the gym
I've stuck to the one can of pop a day (going without any for 4 of the days!!)

I did not get to my WW meeting due to lack of funds after grocery shopping for the week. But, I am planning on going this week. I think I've done pretty well motivating myself for the week without it anyways. And if things hold for tomorrow, I think I'll have a nice 5 pound loss.

But anyways, I'm a bit bored of my 100 things about me (I ran out of interesting tidbits after only a few. So, I'm going to ask for some audience participation!!!

Ask me a question you'd like to know about me and I'll answer it for my revised list of 100 things!! No question is too wild for me!!